Page 32 of Goode to Be Bad

“Us, how?”

“On the floor of what I assume was a bedroom. There was a carpet and a full-length mirror. I was on my hands and knees, and you were taking me from behind. We were so beautiful together, Myles. So perfect.” Her eyes closed, her voice took on a dreamy quality, as she related what was still obviously a very powerful memory. “I felt you inside me. You were bare. I could feelallof you. Every inch. Every vein. I could feel your balls tapping against me as you slid in, so fucking deep. It was…glorious. Better than anything. What made it so goddamned powerful was…was the sense of…of belonging. To you. You inside me, bare like that.” Her voice shook, broke, steadied. “Then, as you came, in real life, like, in that actual moment, I felt you come in the—the dream, memory, whatever. I felt it, the flood of you. Being filled by you. And it was just…it was too fucking much. It was so beautiful and so right it fucking hurt.”

“Jesus, Lex.” I had a raging hard-on and a welter of confused emotions.

She looked at me, tears in my eyes. “Myles, I—”

The fear in her eyes, the wariness…told me everything I needed to know.

“Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to make that a reality.” I sounded cold and I knew it.

She closed her eyes, relieved or hurt, I wasn’t sure if was one or the other or both. “Myles, that’s—”

“You wanted it, it felt beautiful and right, but you’re not about to let it happen. That’s what made it so hard for you, right?” I felt cracks seam the tender inner sanctum of my heart. “Because letting that happen would be letting me in.”

She straightened, and I saw the moment the clamshell snapped closed. “Yep. You guessed it.” She pushed away from the railing. Turned and went inside. “I’m going to take a shower and change clothes. Mom wants us to meet her and Lucas at some place called Badd Kitty.” And with that, she walked away.

I watched her go.

I’d already had sex with her twice today, and got a handjob to boot. She’d come…god, six times? More, maybe. I wasn’t sure.

So maybe that was why I didn’t invite myself into her shower. That had to be it. A mere surplus of sex. Maybe there was such a thing as too much of a good thing.

I didn’t believe myself for a second. Desire wasn’t the issue, for me. Nor was biology—I was rarin’ to go right this minute.

Taking a shower was her running away. If she let me into that shower with her, she’d run the risk of giving in to what her body and heart wanted but her mind was too terrified to allow. So, she ran.

From me, from us. From herself.

And I let her.

7

Lexie

Ididn’t have the courage to invite him into the shower with me. I wanted to. No matter how frequently I had that man inside me, I always wanted more. I’d always had an out of control libido, an insane capacity and need for sex. Just physiologically, where most women seemed to run out of energy, get sore, need a break, or just plain get tapped out of libidinous drive, I don’t. I just don’t. Myles North is pure jet fuel dumped on my sex drive. What was already a wild inferno, he turned into an uncontrollable supernova. It honestly scared me.

And then there was the emotional aspect of it all. I wanted…a whole bunch of things I couldn’t even begin to quantify or name.

I wanted to be held; I wanted to feel safe—like I had on the plane ride here. Like I had every night since meeting Myles.

I wanted to feel him raw and bare inside me, feel him lose control, feel him desperate and wild and all fucking mine, in my arms, above me, behind me, beneath me, all around me, everywhere in me and through me. I wanted to—

Fuck.

I wanted to love him.

To be loved by him.

Standing in the shower, coming to that realization, I fucking lost it.

I fell to the floor of the shower and sobbed. Again. For the second time today.

Because I just could not figure out how to let him in. I could not tell him how I felt. Admitting to myself how I felt about Myles was terrifying enough, but there was no possible way I could tell him. Telling him I was falling in love with him meant I would have to reveal more secrets.

And lordy, I had some doozies.

Secrets which not even Mom, Charlie, Cassie, Torie, or Poppy knew about. Secrets no one knew except me and the person involved.