Page 52 of Goldilocks
“Drive safely. Tell Ivan I’m sorry for snapping at him the other day.”
“He’s sorry too.” Eric hugged him again. “I’ll be in touch.”
“Me too,” Sam said. And he was determined that it wouldn’t be a lie. He would put in effort to answer Eric’s calls and try to take the initiative to call first, even if he felt awkward about it. “Would you mind waiting here a second?”
Eric nodded, and Sam trotted back down the pier to the boat. In the back of the cupboard, he pulled free the white cup. Eric’s cup. Sam stared at the stick figures of two brothers holding hands, hesitating in his crouched position. Sam didn’t necessarilywantto give it to Eric. For some reason, it made him feel naked. But a strong part of him also thought that he should, that Eric would like it. And however many years ago it was, even though Sam didn’t remember it, his younger self had made it for Eric.
Resolutely, Sam straightened. He re-wrapped it in the piece of cloth that had kept it safe all through the years, forgotten on the back of the shelf, and he returned to the pier. Ivan had joined Eric on the walkway, and Laurence was gone. Sam groaned internally, debating not giving the cup after all now that Ivan was there.
When he finally reached them, he handed it to Eric before he could change his mind. It made him feel vulnerable, but Eric had done nothing but show Sam his vulnerable sides and gotten jabbed right through them in thanks. It was only fair Sam opened himself up and risk the same treatment too.
“I found this the other day on the boat,” Sam said. “It’s yours.”
Eric accepted the bundle and proceeded to unwrap it right in front of Sam. Sam felt like he was peeling off skin from muscle, not cloth from ceramic. He didn’t even remember making it, yet he felt more exposed than Vi and Yven seeing his drawings of Goldilocks. Eric turned over the cup in his hand, and Ivan peered over his shoulder to examine it. Eric’s chest stopped moving as he stared at the drawing, the messy as hell E-R-I-C, the teacher’s neat ‘best big brother!’
Feeling immensely antsy, Sam buried his hands in his pockets. “My art skills have definitely gotten better,” he mumbled.
Eric swallowed thickly. “When did you make this?” Eric asked, voice rough. To Sam’s absolute horror, Eric raised his free hand to roughly wipe away tears from his cheeks. Sam’s throat tightened suddenly, and he felt likehewanted to cry.
Sam cleared his throat instead. “I’m not sure. It doesn’t look like it was ever used, so maybe sometime after…”‘You left’felt distinctly like the wrong thing to say. “…after third class, maybe?”
Ivan’s arm slid up Eric’s back, his mouth pursed as he controlled whatever expressions were trying to show on his face. Eric was not nearly as controlled, and Sam probably fell somewhere midway between the two. He didn’t let himself say something stupid like ‘Oh if you don’t like it, you don’t have to keep it’. Sam wasn’t that dense. He’d just handed Eric something the kid he remembered made, and it was clearly having an emotional impact on him.
“You guys have a long drive ahead. I won’t keep you,” Sam hedged, hoping to prompt Ivan to move things to the car where Eric couldn’t set Sam off in sympathy tears. It was ridiculous that Sam felt like crying too when he didn’t even remember Eric.
Ivan gave Sam a look, and there were a lot of complicated feelings in that look, and Sam weirdly felt like he could hear the man’s thoughts when their eyes met. Ivan was thinking ‘You absolute brat. Why’d you go and give him a keepsake from when you were a kid that’s just going to remind him about running away and abandoning you at that age and is obviously going to upset him, and why’d you have to give it to him just before we’re about to get into a car and drive for three hours?’
Eric’s look wasn’t nearly as complicated. He was torn between looking at the cup, crying, and looking at the back of his hand as he roughly wiped away tears.
Sam ignored Ivan and moved in to hug Eric. “Don’t be upset,” Sam suggested as kindly as he could. It probably sounded more like he was begging. “It’s a gift. I’d rather it made you happy.”
“It does.”
Sam hummed. “It takes family to like a terrible stick drawing like that,” he said lightly. He pulled away and offered Eric a smile. “Send me a photo when you use it, though you’d better clean it first. Your tea might taste like fish otherwise.”
Eric’s tears stopped, just barely. “Thanks, Sam.”
Ivan gave Sam one last complicated look before he hooked his arm through Eric’s. “Ready?” he asked.
Eric didn’t say yes. And Sam didn’t think he was able to, given the conflicted look he cast at Sam when Ivan asked. Sam kept his expression neutral. He could tell Eric not to leave. And Sam bet that Eric would stay. Stay, because Sam had managed not to be a dickhead toward him for five seconds.
Sam kept his mouth shut.Better that he leaves,Sam thought.Because he’s giving me headaches and I’m giving him grief and Eric is too sensitive to be happy here.
Chapter Nineteen
Sam stood on the end of the pier and watched until Eric and Ivan were out of sight. He turned back to his boat, but as he walked down the pier, a lone figure caught his eye.
A slim silver-haired form sat cross-legged; Austin’s back cut a lonely figure against the night. Sam paused when he reached his boat, eyeing him up. Sam climbed aboard, checking the waters around the boat, but no faces appeared to greet him. Inside the cabin, Sam turned over a fleece in his hand several times before he tucked it under his arm and disembarked. He was halfway down the pier when Austin turned his head.
His eyes flashed an unnatural silver as Sam approached. By the time Sam reached him, Austin had turned his back and resolutely stared forward, ignoring him.
“Temperature’s meant to drop later,” Sam said. He set the fleece onto the wood next to Austin.
Austin ignored him. Didn’t acknowledge his words or his existence. His gaze was fixed on the horizon line.
“Have you gone through?”
“Why?” Austin snapped, the raised voice catching Sam by surprise.