Page 5 of Goldilocks
There was a pause, and the silence between them was filled with music, laughter and the thrum of people talking. Sam became aware of Ivan and Eric standing in silence. Ivan hid a smile behind his drink, and even Eric looked faintly amused. At least Sam thought he did. He didn’t smile like Ivan, but there was a softening around his eyes.
Mary huffed and faced Ivan. “Can you show me how to make that?” She nodded at her empty glass.
Ivan glanced at Eric, who nodded, before he said, “Sure.”
Sam watched them walk away. He cast a glance to the nearest group, but they were jiving in the grass and his silent plea for help went unnoticed.
“I guess Dad never talks about me.” Eric broke the silence. Sam glanced at him, and Eric met his eyes. “If you didn’t even remember you have a brother.”
“It’s been a long time,” Sam pointed out. “And Dad doesn’t do much talking these days.”
Eric cocked his head, and he scanned the garden before he eyed up the door Sam had entered through. “Why is that?”
Sam watched Eric looking around. Acknowledged his seeking gaze. “He’s not here,” Sam told him.
“Fixing nets?” Eric asked.
Sam waited until Eric’s gaze settled back on him.
“No,” Sam said. He knew that bad news should be delivered with care and thoughtfulness, but Eric’s tone was…not critical, exactly. But amused in almost a mocking way. He couldn’t recall Eric – so anything of his personality was beyond Sam – and he had no recollection of how or if he’d gotten along with their dad. But he could interpret that tone. Whatever Eric was here for, it wasn’t a loving reunion of any kind. And that, put together with his long absence, told Sam that this bad news wouldn’t hit anywhere soft. “He’s got dementia. His memory is pretty bad most days. He’s not fit for working anymore.”
Eric’s green eyes stayed steady on Sam, and he was the one to look away. He gestured to the party. “This kind of chaos would be a nightmare for him, so if you want to see him…” Sam’s mouth shut before he suggested Ericswing by the house. The very idea sent a shiver down his spine. “Why are you here? If it’s to reconnect with him, it’s a bit late for that. And honestly, you’d probably get him all worked up, so I’d rather you didn’t go see him.” Eric’s gaze felt damning, burning the side of his face. “Not that I can stop you.”
“You don’t like me.”
“I don’t remember you,” Sam said, not feeling apologetic for it this time.
Eric’s weight shifted from one foot to the other. “You weren’tthatyoung when I left,” his voice sounded accusing now. “I used to bring you to get ice cream almost every day during the summer. We’d walk into town together. We’d play Uno most days, do our homework together, work on puzzles. I even played twister with you.” Eric snorted. “Even though I hated that stupid game, you were obsessed. It was always ‘please, Eric’, and then you’d give me those puppy dog eyes, and I’d have no choice.”
Sam’s head started to hurt right behind his eyes. Usually he got headaches like this when he tried too hard to read texts late at night.
Sam’s childhood was school. Bullies. Struggling with homework. And then going out on the boat with his dad, learning from him, until his dad’s mental health declined to the point where he couldn’t leave the house and Sam was doing it all alone. There was no Eric in any of those memories. In fact, he was sure now he only knew about Eric because his aunties had talked about him before. Once or twice. Wondering about where he was and if he was alive.
“Where did you end up?” Sam asked.
“The next county over. Inland. Away from the coast.”
“You didn’t get very far.” For some reason, though Sam didn’t remember it, he knew that Eric had run away. That he hated it here. Hated it so much he never wanted to come back. “Why are you back now?”
Eric shifted his weight again. “I’m sorry that I left you behind, Sam. I didn’t want to, but I had to get away before I lost my mind. I get that you’re angry, and I deserve it, but—”
“I’m not angry,” Sam said. His head ached even worse now, the pounding stemming from somewhere deep in the base of his skull. “I’m not pretending to forget you to hurt your feelings. I wouldn’t do that.” Sam frowned. “I just…” He shrugged. He should be gentle and kind because despite not remembering him, he could see the hurt in Eric’s eyes. But the headache that had formed so solidly made it difficult to think of how to be either of those things.
“That’s worse,” Eric said.
“I just said I’m not angry.”
“Because you don’t remember my existence in the first place.”
Sam bit the inside of his cheek. Okay. When Eric put it like that, it did sound worse. “So, you came back to reconnect?” He pushed past the awkwardness to speak.
“I…” Eric looked like he had a lot he wanted to say. “I wanted to see you. Yeah. Make sure you’re doing okay.”
“I’m doing fine,” Sam said.
“Aside from your terrible memory,” Eric muttered. This time the note of hurt was clearer. He cast his gaze aside as his shoulders crept up.
Guilt prodded Sam’s insides. It wasn’t on purpose, but he’d clearly just stomped all over Eric’s feelings. “I’m sorry.” Awkwardness thickened the air between them.