Page 116 of Goldilocks

“Like it’s splitting open,” Sam said. “This had better be the last headache I ever have because of a ghoul.”

“Here. Ivan’s got some of his painkillers.”

***

Sam woke in Roan’s huge bed with the merman’s arms wrapped around his midsection. Grogginess from Ivan’s painkillers kept his mind dulled and half asleep as he roused. The mattress was soft, the sheets silky light against his body and the warm breeze drifting in through the open veranda doors was heaven. The sound of waves lapping against the side of the building soothed him, the cry of birds calling for their dinner a familiar song to Sam’s ears.

Roan ran a warm hand up his side, fingers skimming his ribs in a feather-light, ticklish touch. “Sleep longer,” Roan murmured against Sam’s neck. “Your mind needs rest.”

“I could rest forever in a bed this comfortable,” Sam said, groggy. He expended all his energy to twist in Roan’s arms and tuck his face against the merman’s throat. If Sam’s hair bothered Roan’s gills, he didn’t complain about it. Sam moved his leg, resting it over Roan’s tail, the golden scales soft enough that there was no grating edge to irritate. The texture was nice and interesting against his skin. Sam rubbed Roan’s waist, half asleep as he caressed scale and skin. “Everyone okay?” Sam checked.

“They recover, the same as you,” Roan reassured. “Are you glad to have your memories restored?”

“Yes.” The question woke Sam more. “Yes, of course. Eric was so good to me, Roan. So, so good.” He sighed. “I’ll need time to get my head around it. I thought I was alone for the longest time, and all along thatthing…It just makes me so angry to think about all the time he robbed from us. I could have grown up with Eric by my side. I didn’t have to feel so alone. Though I guess I shouldn’t think about it like that. Because of the ghoul, Eric left and met Ivan. And if Eric never left, I doubt I would have been working on the boat still. I wouldn’t have met you.”

Roan released a disgruntled huff. “I would have found you, regardless. But, you have a point. Had there been no ghoul in my life, Vi would not have had the skill to restore your memories, nor would we have fashioned a weapon capable of defeating one on land.”

Sam stilled. He shouldn’t have been fantasising about what-ifs and ghouls when Roan lost his sister to one. Sam dug his face hard into Roan’s throat, breathing roughly. “I’m so sorry you lost her. But I’m glad she saved you.” He owed her more than he could put into words.

Roan hummed. “Sleep, I feel your pain.”

When Sam woke again, Roan was running a hand down his spine. Sam thought he might have been sleep-talking because Roan was speaking as if they were in the middle of a conversation. “I told you that I was first attracted to your art and your skill. But I do not think I have told you how I admire your kindness and your strength. You are a fine mate. You please me simply by being yourself, and I wish for you to set your worries aside and be confident.”

Despite Roan’s otherness, Sam needed to keep in mind that Roan paid very close attention. And all of his reassurances and praises didn’t come from nowhere; Roan must have seen from the start that Sam lacked self-esteem and confidence and that the verbal reassurances eased worries on his mind.

“Do you know how it felt to have a merman come onto my boat and start telling me how nice he was for not bringing up my terrible nest?” Sam smiled. “Do you know how long it had been since I’d felt anything so strongly? It was joy.” A kind of delight Sam hadn’t felt in years.

“You were aggravated,” Roan pointed out.

“It was good for me to be aggravated. I spent a lot of time in my head, overthinking. And then you came along and you made me pay attention to the now. I like being in thenowwith you, Roan. And I want to start living there too. With you. With my family.”

Roan released a pleased rumble. “Good.”

“A good start,” Sam continued, knowing that this would delight Roan even though it filled Sam with complicated feelings, “is officially leaving that college course.” A plethora of memories on the topic had returned; Mary was right to call him out weeks ago. He hadn’t attended half his classes, and he was doomed to fail this semester. That didn’t mean he couldn’t do make-up exams. But why would he?

Roan’s rumble became a full-on purr. “You will cease your course and pursue your art?”

“Essentially,” Sam said. He had been obsessed with getting through the course and proving his worth, but proving his worth to who exactly? Sam knew he wasn’t stupid. He didn’t need a sheet of paper to tell him that. And there was nobody that the sheet of paper would impress that he caredtoimpress. Aunts and uncles that he saw once a year? They didn’t care beyond comparing him to their own children. His old teachers and classmates who looked down on him? They didn’t give a hoot what he was doing!

Roan’s thrilled purring continued. He rubbed his cheek against Sam’s hair. “I told you I would gain your trust, did I not? You shall want for nothing. I am a good mate.”

Sam smiled against Roan’s skin. He hadn’t meant to imply he was just going to let Roan provide for him, but he sounded so happy that Sam didn’t want to correct him. “And what should I do so I am a good mate for you?”

“I told you that you are a fine mate already,” Roan replied, without a moment of hesitation. “You need not alter yourself in any way. In fact, I insist you do not. I like you as you are. Especially now that you have begun to trust me.” He purred. “I will have your siren found in short order, and we will go and befriend him. This will please you?” Roan pulled back far enough that he could rub his nose to Sam’s and then press a kiss to his waiting lips.

Your siren.

Sam frowned. Austin. Austin’s promise and his trembling fear as he’d asked to be friends. Austin approaching Sam in the pub made sense to him now, why Austin had said they were friends and why Sam questioning that had shut him down. He’d found a card in his car with Austin’s number written on it last week, and now he remembered how it got there.

“Did I tell you about him?”

“You spoke in your dreams,” Roan said. “He passed through The Tear weeks ago, and I did not care to keep track of his travels since then. But I will find him for you.”

“Thank you,” Sam said. He would explain what happened to Austin. And Austin’s explanation of Gary—

Sam drew in a sharp breath.Gary. At the house, to burn it down because he thought it would make Austin happy. Gary, compelled to act because of Austin’s influence. Gary, dead.

Was Austin responsible? It hadn’t been on purpose. Sam knew it hadn’t, but was he free of all blame? And what about himself? He had tried to get him away, hadn’t he? He’d attempted to stop him going into the house. Did that attempt erase that he’d failed? That they’d covered it up?