Page 23

I couldn’t look away. Over the last week, I spent nearly every waking moment either admiring my son or his mother.

The two of them were my world, so leaving this hospital wasn’t an option.

I’d missed multiple practices and two games, but it didn’t matter.

All I needed in this life was in this room, and I wasn’t leaving until they did.

Leaning closer to the incubator I sighed, wishing he was in my arms. He was so tiny at four pounds that we were forced to watch him develop inside of his little cubicle. The truth that Charm had made me a father was still so surreal and probably would be until I got to hold him.

I was just happy that we were good again. I couldn’t imagine having to be away from either of them for any amount of time during this process. Charm just didn’t know it, but now that she’d fulfilled a dream of mine, I was never coming up off her. We were going to be together forever.

My vibrating phone momentarily stole my attention from my sleeping son. I lifted it to see it was a call from my father. We hadn’t spoken in a while because I was true to my word about cutting them off.

I stared at the screen, debating on what to do when I heard my son release the most innocent groan.

I placed the phone down, knowing what he needed right now was to be surrounded by prayer, encouragement, and love.

I didn’t even want to chance it that my parents would be unable to give him that.

For the time being, there was peace here, and I wanted to keep it that way.

Maybe one day I could allow them back into our lives, but for now, the distance was best.

I placed my forehead on the glass and said a quick prayer for my son’s strength. He was barely here for long, and the thought of losing him made my knees weak. I had to put my faith in God and trust He wouldn’t give me this beautiful family to take it away.

My phone began to vibrate again. This time, I saw it was Deb calling.

After the press conference where I admitted I would fail a drug test then turning around and missing non-negotiable obligations, I knew the owners were not happy with me.

But like I’d said to the cameras, I was okay with whatever the future could bring with it.

“Hello?” I answered her call and sighed.

Leaning back in my seat, my eyes floated up to the TV. I’d forgotten all about the game I was supposed to be watching because watching my son was more entertaining.

“Hey, Kianis. Do you have a minute?”

“Yeah. What’s the word?”

I looked up as the bathroom door opened.

Charm eased from between the door in slow steps.

I could see her discomfort in the way her face was scrunched up.

Even though she was in pain, my girl was a trooper.

I hadn’t heard her complain a single time since giving birth.

It made me love and appreciate her even more.

My heart swelled knowing she was everything.

Standing up, I closed the distance between us to help her over to bed. I knew once she was settled, she’d want me to roll the incubator over, but I paused after Deborah’s next words.

“You’re suspended for the rest of the season and the next one.”

My heart began hammering profusely against my ribcage.

I knew it was a possibility but never thought they’d ever do it.

Sure, I was troubled, but I was also the best player on their fucking roster.

For the first time, I realized I wasn’t bigger than the program.

Being humbled felt like a punch to the gut that nearly toppled me over.

Charm took notice of my spooked expression.

“What is it?” she whispered.

I shook my head and offered a small smile.

“I’ll tell you later.” Focusing back on Deb, I said, “Thank you for calling and letting me know.”

She sighed. “I had to before you found out on ESPN. This is only a temporary setback. You’ll play again.”

I glanced down at my woman and smiled. “I’m not even worried about that right now. I have everything I need to be alright. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay. See ya.”

Slowly, I dropped the phone from my ear.

I took a seat on the edge of the bed. My head fell into my hands as I processed an uncertain professional future.

For a long time, all I knew was basketball.

I would play twenty-four seven. Even as a kid, I didn’t get into the trouble other kids did because I was on the court from sun up to sun down seven days a week.

I literally lived and breathed basketball.

I knew what I wanted and wasn’t afraid to pursue it.

My shoulders tightened as I realized I’d lost that love at some point along the way.

I was already detached from the game, so I felt numb knowing for the near future I would no longer be a professional player.

Out of nowhere, I felt Charm’s hands on my body.

She got off the bed to stand in front of me.

I collapsed into her warm and soft body, needing her comfort right now more than anything else this world had to offer.

Nuzzling my nose into her gown, I deeply inhaled her scent, allowing her calmness to wash over me.

Holding on to her was the only reason my world didn’t completely tilt off its axis and roll into oblivion.

“I’ve been suspended for the remainder of this season and the next one,” I confessed in a raspy whisper.

Charm palmed my cheeks and looked at me with the most empathetic expression. I knew she was going to cry the tears I couldn’t.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I hate this for you.”

And I felt like she really did hate it. I gave her a sad smile.

“It’s the law of cause and effect. I knew this was a possibility when I made my choice, and I don’t regret it. You and our son mean the world to me. That basketball shit wouldn’t mean anything without y’all.”

She played with my beard completely sedating me.

“Hearing my father say I was just like him made me want to prove it wasn’t true. I am willing to walk this path forward with my head held high as long as I have you by my side.”

She smiled at me. A tear escaped onto her cheek in the most innocent way. I couldn’t help but smile, too. Charm brought out the best in me.

“You know I have your back. We’re going to be okay.”

I nodded.

“That’s a fact.” I glanced over at our son. “Are we going to name our baby now?”

Her cheeks puffed up as she grinned shyly. “Yes. It’s time.”

She took my hand in hers then stepped back to allow me to stand. I helped her over to the incubator. We both placed a hand on it to feel close to him.

“I was thinking Keanu,” Charm shared after a beat of silent admiration.

I tossed the name around in my mind a few times.

“Keanu Kinga… I love it!” Looking down at my son I made him a promise. “I’ma make sure you’re set for life. Daddy might be down right now, but I’ll get up again.”

I lifted his mother’s hand to my lips and kissed it softly. My heart fluttered when she blushed. Before she even opened her mouth to say the words, I knew they were true in my heart.

“We’re going to be okay,” she affirmed. She tucked my hands against her chest and stared up at me with confidence.

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? TheLordis the everlastingGod, the Creatorof the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strengthto the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young menstumble and fall; but those who hopein theLord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

It sounded like poetry. “What’s that?”

She smiled. “It’s Isaiah 40:28-31. We may not understand why God does the things He does in our lives, but we can trust that He’s always at work, always looking out for us, always strategically moving pieces across the board like the most skilled chess player.

God will renew your strength in due time, and you will return to the league. Better than ever.”

The more she talked, the watery my eyes became.

Charm was more than I could ever hope for.

I sniffled, trying to keep my tears at bay but eventually failed miserably.

I puckered my lips and leaned closer to her.

When her lips landed on mine, I closed my eyes.

And even though it was late at night, I swore I felt rays of sunlight toast my skin.

The longer I allowed myself to soak in it, I realized it was the love I was surrounded by.

When I was finally ready to release her lips, I opened my eyes and noticed how vibrant every color in the room seemed.

Charm’s gaze traveled down to our beautiful baby boy, confirming what I already knew.

This was worth it. They were worth it. And with every ounce of willpower in my being, I was going to make sure they knew it.