Page 18

“Kianis! Kianis!”

I turned the volume up on my headphones as I left the locker room behind and headed toward the tunnel.

After the conversation with my mama, I’d been avoiding my father for a week. His many texts messages forewarned the bullshit he was on, and I wasn’t in the mood. They were trying to ruin a beautiful thing, and I wanted no parts of that. Unfortunately, he knew I’d be here today.

I sighed when he grabbed my shoulder then forced me to turn around and face him. “That’s how it is? You ignore your old man when important conversations need to be had?”

I waved him off. “Man, I don’t owe you a conversation or a reply. My life is just that. I’m going to do what I want regardless of what you say.”

He shook his head. “I thought I taught you better than this. All these little bitches do is take, take, take. A baby is going to bleed you dry.”

“It’ll be no different if I don’t have one because you and Ma do that all on your own.”

My nostrils flared as my heart started to race. I did not need this right now. I had a game to play.

“I don’t have time for this shit. Keep your judgments to yourself like you have the right.”

I turned around to leave, but his voice halted me. “And what’s that supposed to mean, Kinga? I am always going to call you on your bullshit. You’re fucking up big time, thinking you can marry a girl like that.”

I was in his face before he could finish getting his words out.

“It means you have some right to step to me about my bullshit when you’re covered in your own.

Every time I turn around, it’s a story floating around about you, a picture of your mistakes for all the world to see.

You’ve never given a fuck about how me or my mama felt.

You’ve always done what you wanted, leaving me to drown in your fucking shadow, so even when I do the right thing, it’s not enough.

” I chuckled. “Charm is honestly the best thing to ever happen to me. If I didn’t have her, this shit wouldn’t even be worth it.

Just leave me alone because there is nothing you can say to change shit. We’re already married now.”

I showed him my ring in case he didn’t understand.

My father clapped his hands. “If you want to prove you’re not like me, then you’re going about it the wrong fucking way.”

I spun around, ready to head to the tunnel, but he kept yelling after me.

“Get back here when I’m talking to you. Kinga! Get back here.”

I stopped walking, hating that I even had respect for this man. He didn’t deserve it. He was trying to judge me when he was imperfect himself. I knew I had to be better for my son. This cycle couldn’t continue. I tensed when I felt him walk closer.

“You think you’re so much better than me, but you’re doing the same thing I did—tanking a promising career, being careless with your money, thinking you’ll always have enough to provide for your family.

I carried y’all on my ego and jumped into something long term with a woman I barely knew.

You think it feels good to always be painted as the bad guy when no one knows what a spiteful bitch your mother truly is.

I’m not saying it’s right, but my happiness matters, too.

Set yourself free before it’s too late.”

My hands tightened into fists as I tried to regulate my breathing.

He was saying a whole lot of nothing. I saw Coach Atkins up ahead, trying to get my attention.

It was time for the game to start, and my thoughts were all over the place.

Gone was the confidence I’d had a few minutes ago.

I draped my towel over my head, dropped my chin on my chest, and walked off without saying a word.

I couldn’t understand why my parents were so opposed to me getting a happy ending.

Was I inevitably setting Charm up for failure?

Were they right, and would I ultimately fail her by making the same mistakes my father had?

I walked onto the floor, so lost in my thoughts that the lights of the arena blinded me.

It felt like all eyes were on me as cameras flashed and the crowd erupted into applause.

I was supposed to be king of the court, yet as I stood there I felt like the king of nothing.

Instead of going home, I found myself at Breakers having a drink.

Thankfully, it wasn’t packed, giving me the opportunity to drink away my sorrows in peace.

I played like shit tonight, and it cost the team the game.

That game determined if we were safe for the playoffs or not.

The loss meant we had to win our next game to secure our spot, and my head wasn’t even in it for real.

I tossed the bourbon in my glass from one side to the other.

I could smell the scent of my mother’s cigarette as she chastised me and Charm.

I heard my father tell me how the family man thing was a mistake.

I shook my head, still unable to shake the heaviness of coach’s disappointment after I played terribly.

It took everything in me not to break down in tears, but somehow, I held it together, giving lackluster interview responses to get them people out of my face.

I was in shambles right now. All I wanted was to be celebrated for the good I was doing, but the people who mattered most to me were ruining it.

Up until we told them, I didn’t even doubt my ability to handle my new roles as father and husband.

That seed of doubt was spreading quickly and tainting everything with its life sucking tentacles.

“Hey, handsome,” a familiar, sultry voice spoke from beside me.

I shook my head with a frown. “Man, you must be out of your mind thinking we have anything to say to each other after that stunt you pulled.”

I lifted my glass and drained all the liquor inside before waving to the bartender. It was definitely time to take my ass home. The last thing I needed was to be seen out with this broad.

She gently placed her hand on my arm. “No, please stay, Kianis. I’ve been praying for the chance to run into you and talk about it after you blocked me on everything.”

I snatched away from her. “As far as I’m concerned, there is nothing to discuss.”

“I know it might seem that way, but at least let me apologize. I was super emotional, and you weren’t talking to me. I thought the story would make you come back, but it didn’t.”

I laughed with a shake of my head. “Of course, it didn’t. I’m not a fucking child, Bree, and I don’t play mind games. All you did was show me that I can’t trust you.”

Finally, the bartender came over. “Bring yo’ ass on. I’m trying to wrap this up.”

I set my phone on the bar to take my wallet out of my pants. The screen was lit up, and Bree’s nosey ass snatched it up quickly.

“What the fuck is this?” she asked referring to the maternity photos that I’d set as my screensaver. Every time I unlocked my phone, a new one came up in the rotation.

I sucked my teeth. “Man, mind your fucking business.”

She folded her arms over her chest, refusing to give me my phone back. “So, what? You’re a family man now?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Now, give me my shit so I can get the fuck on through.”

I handed my card to the bartender then reached for my phone again. Bree shoved her big titties in my face instead. I didn’t mean to lick my lips when her sweet fragrance wrapped around me, but I did.

“You miss this, don’t you? You’re not the family man type, Kianis.

You love your freedom way too much. Tuh!

Missing out on the opportunity to fuck bad bitches?

Yeah, you’re not going to do it.” She reached for my dick and began to stroke it through my sweats.

“Stay… Let’s hash it out. I’ll even let you take your anger and frustration out on this pussy. ”

Bree’s voice joined my fathers in a choir that increased my feelings of doubt and uncertainty.

I didn’t want their words to hold any truth, but I had to be honest with myself because the facts were always in the media.

I was not known for being a monogamous man.

Could I really commit to being everything Charm and our son needed for a lifetime?

Bree squeezing my dick again returned me to the present. I glanced down at her in disgust. The bitch couldn’t even get my dick hard. Without warning, I lifted my hands to her chest and pushed with all the might in me. She stumbled backward in her heels before falling flat on her ass.

I pointed at her with a death glare. “Let that be the last fucking time you touch or mumble a fucking word to me. Consider me dead for all I care but we have nothing to talk about. I love Charm. She is my wife. When you see me or her from this day forward, you turn and look the other way, or I promise to God I’ma get you fucked up. An ass whupping is long overdue.”

She began to cry but her tears didn’t move me. I had no sympathy for Breeland. She was lucky I didn’t do worse.

The bartender stood there wide eyed along with anyone else in the bar.

I snatched my card from his hand, tucked it in my wallet, grabbed my phone off the bar, and walked away.

I thought walking outside and inhaling a lung full of fresh air would help but it didn’t.

The doubt was still there nibbling away at every seed of hope buried in my chest.

I glanced down at my phone seeing another picture of Charm populate before my eyes.

God… my girl was so fucking beautiful and perfect.

She deserved the fucking world and every inch of land on this muthafucka.

The oceans, lakes, mountains, stars, and whatever the fuck else you could think of too.

But could I really be the man to give her that?

The fact that I felt emptiness every time I asked myself this question made me feel like deep down I knew the answer was no. Charm and my son deserved more than I was capable of providing. It was only a matter of time before I fucked up.

Since I was already downtown, I pocketed my phone and found myself walking until I was in front of a hotel.

Checking into a room for the night was a blur.

I was crashing on the couch after a quick stop at the bar.

The glass of cognac I’d poured tipped over the side of the glass from my clumsiness. I paid it no mind.

Taking my phone from my pocket, I stared at my phone screen.

The voices in my head grew louder. My desire to be close to Charm increased in intensity.

Before I knew it, I had the Instagram app open and I was making a carousel post that included all of my favorite photos from the maternity photoshoot.

@mrmostlikelytowin: I know they don’t believe in our love but I can’t wait to prove them wrong.

If I was going to start a family with anyone it would be you.

I don’t give a fuck what anyone says I’m going to give y’all every part of me.

It’s us until this muathfucka crashes and burns.

This ain’t my girlfriend or my baby mama, this is my fucking wife.

Put some respect on my girl name from this day forward. I’ll do a life sentence for this one.

Satisfied with everything I had to say, I uploaded the post then dropped my phone in my lap.

The liquor was on my ass, and before I knew it, I was falling asleep staring at Charm’s picture.

A part of me was still afraid I couldn’t be who she needed me to be but the part of me that loved her was willing to try.

To give it everything I had. Charm wasn’t just my girlfriend.

She was my wife. I decided to make that move, and now it was time to man up and face my demons.