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Luke

“ W hat the hell, man?” Sebastian asks as he approaches the high-top table I secured in the back corner of a pub. Despite it being in the heart of downtown Chicago, it’s pretty empty since it’s the middle of the day. “Why haven’t you been answering your phone?”

I gesture toward the empty barstool across from me. “I ordered you a beer.”

His mouth hangs open in exasperation. “Dude.”

“Just sit down. I’ll explain.”

He slides onto the stool and leans on the table. “We’ve all been looking for you since yesterday.”

To be fair to him, I’ve been ignoring my family’s calls since the game yesterday. I texted Seb to let him know I’d talk to him later but didn’t extrapolate.

“It’s been a crazy twenty-four hours, okay?” The bartender brings over our beers, and I take a long sip. Seb does the same, and I feel slightly guilty over the deep lines of exhaustion around his eyes.

“What happened?”

I set my beer back down and let the coldness seep into my hand. “I’m going to talk, and you’re just going to listen at first, alright? And please, remember that I’m your brother, and try to withhold judgment until I explain.”

“What the fuck did you do?” he asks with a bereaved sigh.

And finally, I tell him the whole story. About how Lennon and I met, about how I hated coaching at first and couldn’t stomach being around the sport again when I couldn’t be a part of it. About how Lennon pushed back on my indifference and began to draw me out more.

About how we started working together and the fire that had died inside of me slowly started to burn alongside hers. How I felt safe enough to tell her about Mom at the charity gala, and she listened to every word.

How she slowly became the only thing in my day that I looked forward to. How she made me laugh. How she made me excited about hockey again. How seeing her improve was more satisfying than any of my own achievements.

And most importantly, how I fell in love with her.

He listens intently, not interrupting like I asked, but his face says a thousand words. It ranges from shock, to dread, to chagrin, to finally some sort of bereft acceptance.

“What. The. Fuck. Little brother…” He scrapes his hands down his face and then holds his head in his hands. “Where do I even fucking start.”

I drain the last of my beer and motion to the bartender for another round. Maybe we should get something stronger.

Sebastian looks slightly ill as he looks at me. “Do you know what could’ve happened? What could still happen if Alice decides to launch a full investigation?”

“I’m aware.”

He’s utterly bewildered at my calm response. “You just got done telling me about how much you’ve fallen in love with coaching, and you’re just willing to throw that all away?”

“I’m not throwing it away, and did you miss the part where I also fell in love with her? That’s bigger than a job.”

“It’s your life we’re talking about here! Do you think you’ll just be able to find another coaching job if this gets out?”

“If it gets out. And I don’t know, man…as long as I have her, the uncertainty of what I’ll do next doesn’t feel so daunting.” The feeling is so unlike how I felt when I had to retire and was navigating what to do then.

He scoffs and gratefully accepts the fresh beer that’s set in front of him. After a few heavy gulps, he slams it down with more force than necessary. “You finally seem to have some spark back after fucking years, and you’re going to risk it for some girl? Jesus, Luke.”

“She’s not some girl so fuck off with that,” I grit out between clenched teeth. I expected his reaction, but the disrespect chafes. “And I only have it back because of her. If I was coaching the team without her, it wouldn’t have been the same. I mean, you saw her play. You see her talent. You know she’s special.”

“She better be since you fucked your life for her.”

“I didn’t fuck my life for her. My life has been empty the last three years, and she’s the first thing that has made any of it seem worth it.”

“She just can’t be worth?—”

“I know I just dropped a bomb on you right now, but I need you to cut the shit out. It’s not up for negotiation or debate on if you think she’s worth it to me or not. I’m telling you she’s worth everything .”

Seb cracks his knuckles and stares at me, reading me in a way that only a big brother can. His silence only spurs me to keep going.

“I’m not asking you to understand the choices I’ve made. I know what I did was wrong. But I promise you, it doesn’t feel wrong with her. And once you meet her, I hope you’ll feel it, too.”

I hadn’t really considered what I would do if my family refused to support my relationship with Lennon, or vice versa. We had been so focused on keeping it a secret and finishing out the season that I didn’t think this far ahead.

But I know in my gut that if Seb or my dad can’t accept us, it won’t change how I feel about Lennon or moving forward with her. It would hurt, sure, but it would hurt more to lose her.

A muscle in Seb’s jaw ticks, but I see the surrender on his face. “You better prepare to do this all over again, because you’re a fucking idiot if you think I’m going to be the one to pass this information along to Dad.”

I chuckle and spin my glass around the smooth tabletop. “Please, I knew this was my warm-up.”