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Lennon

L uke drops me off for practice this morning around the block before he goes to grab a coffee so we don’t walk in at the same time. I’m sure no one would notice if we arrived at the same time, but they might if we rolled up in his car together.

It’s a Saturday morning, and we don’t have any games this weekend. It’s a nice reprieve after we’ve had a few jam-packed weeks in a row. But of our last six games, we’ve won five. The team is riding high as we near the Frozen Four, but if anything, it’s kicked the coaches into overdrive.

Luke has been relentless in our workouts, and each night I barely make it into bed without wanting to cry at the ache in my sore muscles. And Coach Maver has been colder than normal, more lethal, and I know it’s because she wants this win for us as much as we do.

“Morning, Killer,” Charlotte says as I pass her in the hallway. She’s already dressed with her stick in hand.

“Morning. Just couldn’t wait to get going again, huh?” I wink.

Heavy bags sit beneath her eyes, no doubt mirroring my own, as she hangs her head. “We’re going to need a week at a spa or I think we’ll all fall apart.”

“Amen.” I chuckle and pass her to head toward the locker room. But as I approach, Coach Maver rounds the corner and waves.

“Ah, there you are. Did you just get here?” she asks.

“Yes,” I answer then glance toward the clock on the wall. “I’m not late, am I?” I very well could be with the amount of things in my brain I’m trying to keep straight these days, but I doubt that Luke would’ve also gotten the practice time wrong.

“No, not at all. I was just curious because when I got here a couple hours ago, your backpack was sitting in the locker room with your keys laying out on top of it.”

My heart instantly drops out of my stomach to the floor. “Oh,” I say and try to keep the panic off my face. “Yeah, I forgot it last night.”

Coach leans against the wall. “I hope you were able to get into your apartment without them.” There’s no suspicion in her voice, but I can’t help but feel like I’m under a microscope.

I was actually over at Coach Holloway’s cooking dinner for him after our workout and then slept in his bed, so I didn’t need my keys.

Of course, I don’t tell her that answer. The honest one.

“Grace let me in. By the time I got home and realized I left my stuff, I was too tired to come back.” It’s partially the truth. But instead I didn’t realize I left my bag here until we got to Luke’s place, and I didn’t want him to turn around to go back when I knew I’d be back at the rink first thing this morning. And Grace was actually over at Bryant’s house, but again, that’s information Coach doesn’t need to know.

She nods. “Coach Holloway has been wearing you out, huh?” My eyes about bulge out of my head, but Coach just laughs lightly. “It took him a while to come around, but I’m glad you trusted my judgement on him. The work you have been putting in with him has paid off. Your stamina and focus in the third period is just as strong as the first, and you’re much calmer under pressure. More assured of yourself and your abilities. I’m proud of you.”

Her praise warms my heart and calms my nerves. “Thanks, Coach.”

“How are you feeling about things? Any concerns as we head into the final month of the season?”

“I can’t believe it’s almost here.” I look down at my feet. “When we lost last year, the next chance at the championship felt so far away. But now, we actually have our shot again.”

Nothing is locked in, but our record is good enough to secure us a spot in the tournament.

“I don’t want you putting pressure on yourself as we near it, you understand? It takes the whole team to win a title, not just one person.”

But it only takes one person to lose it.

“I’ll try,” I say with a weak laugh, and Coach pats my shoulder.

“Get suited up. Work doesn’t stop now.” With that, she walks down the hallway and disappears into her office. My heart still races at the idea that Luke and I could’ve been caught by something as stupid as me forgetting my bag and keys. What if Coach Maver had asked me about it in front of Grace? I couldn’t have lied about her letting me in then.

Fuck fuck fuck.

I don’t risk seeking Luke out before practice after the scare Coach Maver just gave me. So instead I take my phone into the bathroom and text him while the rest of the team gets changed.

Me: Coach Maver found my backpack and keys in the locker room this morning and was wondering how I got home

64: What did you tell her?

Me: That it didn’t matter because I was over at your place getting railed until 2 am

Me: Obviously I covered and said Grace let me in last night and I just forgot my stuff

64: Not funny

Me: Well I wasn’t laughing either. I about shit my pants when she asked

64: Did she seem suspicious?

Me: No

64: Then we’re fine. Take a deep breath

Me: I hate this

64: I know. It’ll be over soon

Will it, though? I can’t imagine that just as soon as the season wraps up, we can just boldly declare our relationship. And we haven’t even defined it yet. Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? Are we going to have a future together? What can that even look like, and how long will we have to keep each other a secret?

It might not be against any rules for us to date once I graduate and aren’t on the team anymore, but the optics of him dating a former athlete, especially so soon after the season wraps, aren’t good.

64: I can sense your panic through the phone. Stop overthinking everything. We can only control what’s happening right now. The future is for us to worry about later

Me: How did you know I was panicking?

64: Because I know you. I knew we should’ve gone back for your bag last night but nothing we can do now. Just have to continue to be careful

Me: We’ve been careful. That was our first big slip

64: And it’ll be the last. We’re fine. Now get dressed you’re supposed to be out here warming up

Me: Yes, Coach

I pop back out into the locker room, and there are only a few stragglers lacing up their skates. I toss my phone and backpack into my locker and change as quickly as I can. Coach Maver may not have been suspicious of anything going on, but that doesn’t mean that she won’t make me skate lines for being late.

I’m the last one onto the ice with two minutes to spare before practice officially kicks off. There’s an electric buzz over the ice despite everyone’s exhaustion as excited chatter skitters around. Everyone can see the end of the road and seems to be solely focused on it, like I should be. Like I used to be. It used to be my all-consuming thought. Our loss, that last goal, what I could do to be better.

But now I have something else that stokes that fire in my gut. Something else that gets my adrenaline going.

And for the first time as I’m surrounded by my teammates, united with the fire to keep our momentum going, I feel a growing disconnect from them that I know this secret affair with Luke is the root of.

But it’s not enough to make me want to stop.

I don’t think anything is.