Page 35 of Gideon’s Gratitude (Love in Mission City #5)

The back door slamming yanked me into the moment.

I dried my hair as much as I could before heading back to the bedroom.

I pulled down the duvet and top sheet. Here came the tough part.

Leo and I had always been adventurous in the bedroom.

Creativity had been the name of the game, and there’d always been plenty of laughter.

After the accident, of course, the exotic positions, and much of the fun, fled.

It’d felt like an obligation. Between the pain and the lack of interest—well, the wonder was how the relationship had survived as long as it did.

Would we have continued trying? Or would we have fallen into a non-sexual relationship? Leo was so vital and healthy. I’d considered giving him permission to go elsewhere. It would’ve broken me, but to keep my marriage, I’d have done it. In the end, my addiction was the death knell for our future.

I placed a pillow in the center of the bed and was about to lie down . Shit. Lube and condoms. I grabbed both. I pulled out several of the foil packets and removed the security seal from the lube.

Neither action calmed my racing heart. Still, I placed them in sight and lowered myself to the mattress.

Today had been a good day. I’d done mild stretching and had been on a decent walk with Lucky.

I’d been careful not to overdo anything.

Now my back twinged, but not anything I couldn’t deal with.

Should I take one of the mild painkillers I picked up from the pharmacy?

I’d followed Kennedy’s gentle suggestion and dug out the paperwork from the pain clinic.

They advocated using non-narcotic painkillers when needed, but watching the dose and frequency carefully because of toxicity.

So far, I’d taken two pills over the past five days, and the difference had been noticeable.

I was no longer afraid of taking them when I needed them.

A whistle sent a shock skittering low in my belly.

Archer stood in the archway with a wolfish grin on his face.

I fought the urge to cover myself. I didn’t feel whistle worthy.

He advanced into the room, then closed the door. “Lucky and I had a conversation. He’s good with a bone and a nice warm bed in the family room.”

“Yeah, he’s easily bribable.” Nerves sang, and I swallowed loudly.

My companion rounded the bed and sat. “You know you don’t have to do this.”

“I want to.” And I did.

He gave my body a once-over.

And I cursed my inability to hide my body’s reaction. Or lack thereof. “I do, I promise.” I ran a hand across my smooth chest. The one thing I’d done today, specifically in the grooming department, was to shave my chest. Because I preferred that feel for myself.

I liked that Archer had a smattering of hair between his pecs.

“Would you get undressed for me?” Partly because I badly wanted to see his body, and partly because of the disparity in the power. The imbalance favored the man who still wore clothes.

He leaned over and placed a kiss on my lips. He lingered for a moment, then pulled back. “Of course.” He rose and stepped back from the bed.

He’d gone casual today, which I appreciated.

First, he removed the henley. A soft gray that matched his stunning eyes. Next, he undid the belt, unbuttoned the jeans, and lowered the zipper.

My mouth dried.

Finally, he removed his jeans and underwear in one smooth motion.

Certainly nothing I could ever have accomplished with such ease.

He dropped the clothes in a heap on a chair, then turned to face me.

Jaw-dropping. Oh, I’d known Archer was gorgeous.

Way out of my league. But to behold him in this low light?

Blond hair a little mussed, dark-gray eyes a little unfocused, chest muscles a little flexed, and biceps a little bulged.

And lower still… Yeah. Well, then. The man was the complete package.

As good as—if not better than—Leo. Impressive everything.

And while I’d had twenty years of history with my ex, I’d had mere weeks with this man. What could I possibly offer?

Archer advanced to the bed and sat. He gently feathered my hair. “What are you thinking?”

“That you’re you and I’m…” Words failed me.

He leaned in for a kiss. A gentle pressing of lips.

“Kind?” Kiss. “Gentle?” Kiss. “Caring?” Kiss.

“Generous?” Kiss. Another kiss—this one more ardent.

“I find you sexy as hell. I don’t see what you think I see.

I see a man whose inner strength has slayed demons.

You could’ve given in to your addiction.

You didn’t. You could’ve given up on your children. You haven’t.”

He placed a hand on my sternum. “You have pale skin that glows. I can’t wait to see you in moonlight.

And your eyes are deep, mysterious pools.

I want to dive in and get lost forever.” He flexed his fingers to dig his nails lightly into my chest. “I want to make love to you. To worship you and to show you how much I cherish you.”

Slowly, as if awakening from a deep slumber, need skittered down my chest, and I hardened. Leo and I had never needed pretty words. We had long experience and intimate knowledge of each other. A look. A touch. That was enough.

Now? You’re thinking about Leo now? For once and for all, you needed to boot that ghost out of your bed.

Here, though, in this space, with this man, I needed more. I needed assurances and yes, pretty words. “I want to believe you.”

“Then do.” Archer gave me a smile that dazzled. “Let yourself get lost in pleasure. Know there’ll be more. I can give you pleasure.” He leaned in for a kiss. “I can give you everything.”

It might’ve sounded ridiculous, but I believed.

And so when he moved in for a kiss, I gave myself up and opened my mouth to accept the thrust of his tongue.

I grasped his hair and tugged, eliciting a moan of pleasure.

And when he lowered his hand to encircle my cock, I arched into the touch.

That hand…that hand was doing all kinds of clever things.

All kinds of devious things. All kinds of glorious things.

He pulled back. “I want to be inside you. Is that—”

“Oh, my God, that is so okay.” I groaned. “I want it too.”

Another magnificent smile. “Then relax, and I’ll do the work.”

Sex could be work. Sex could be complicated. Sex could be frustrating. And it could also be glorious. I tried not to put too many expectations into the simple yet complex act. As Archer lowered himself over me and our bodies touched, a fire lit within me.

The skin-to-skin contact soothed an ache within me. The feather-light touches brought forth a need I neither expected nor knew how to deal with. Yet he knew when to excite, and when to back off. When to push, and when to pull back.

His erection was hard against my hip as his tongue plundered my mouth. He roamed his hand up and down my side, again tucking it between our bodies to grasp my shaft.

“If you don’t want me to come now…” A warning to him.

He grinned even as he ran his finger along my slit.

I bucked. I was frustrated and turned on at the same time.

Finally, as if taking pity on me, he pulled back. He settled on his knees between my thighs, which opened for him.

My back didn’t even twinge.

Still, he asked, “Are you okay?”

I nodded.

He snagged a condom, opened the wrapper, then rolled it on. With a grin, he grasped the bottle of lube.

I nodded with even more vigor.

He grinned lasciviously. Then he poured lube onto his fingers.

Understanding what came next, I grasped my cock and balls to move them out of the way.

The grin he bestowed upon me warmed me from within.

Sex wasn’t just about body parts. I was someone who needed an emotional connection.

That was why, even if my body had been willing, I wouldn’t have gone on the prowl after Leo divorced me. I just wasn’t built like that.

I had the feeling Archer wasn’t either. He’d made a comment about having tried a hookup app—and the night having been a disaster—but he’d also made it pretty clear he’d never really been settled with the idea.

The hookup turning out to be a jackass just reinforced the idea that maybe an app wasn’t the best way to find someone.

Apparently constructing a house next to theirs was far better.

I’d laughed.

And felt a little heartened.

He circled my entrance before slowly sliding a finger in.

That feeling of familiarity along with the pervasiveness of something new hit me. Yes, Leo and I had done this hundreds of times. But it never felt like this. New and exciting. My first time had been fumbling and quick and not overly satisfying.

We’d improved.

I didn’t have those same nervous jitters with Archer. With him, the feeling was entirely different. Like we were two people who knew what they were doing, only were rediscovering how things worked all over again.

For me, that feeling settled. I’d had sex with Leo after the accident, but I’d never felt right. My body hadn’t been ready.

Tonight, it was.

And for Archer? Almost twenty years since he’d had gay sex. That was a hell of a long time.

He added a second finger.

I held his gaze and smiled.

He angled his hand in just such a way, and… His finger brushed my prostate.

A shiver ran up and down my spine. Heat pooled in my belly as I tried to steady my breath.

Still, he held my gaze. Then he scissored his fingers—trying to open me up. Trying to prepare me to take him.

Having the man prepare me filled me with comfort and joy.

Finally, he withdrew his fingers .

I felt oddly empty—all the while knowing he’d be back.

When he hovered above me, I was ready. My legs opened instinctively, and he positioned himself at my entrance. He probed gently and then, once his head was in, he thrust inside.

My body settled. Some sensations were achingly familiar while others were entirely new. The man understood how to play me as if I were an instrument. How to draw out each note to hit the perfect chord. The perfect symphony. The perfect orgasm.

It caught me completely unaware. One moment I was gazing into his intense stare, the next, the climax ripped through me, toppling me over the edge in spectacular fashion.

He thrust twice more, then held himself still.

The intensity of his eyes drew me close, held me firm, and eased me back down to earth.

Instead of collapsing on me, he withdrew slowly, and pulled back onto his haunches.

I winced at the minor twinge, then I took stock. My back didn’t hurt, and I hadn’t triggered a migraine. I was sated and warm. Ensconced and safe.

He removed the condom. He knotted it and gently dropped it into the trashcan next to the nightside table. “Are you sleepy?”

“I’m always sleepy after a good orgasm.” I managed a lopsided grin. “And that was an amazing orgasm.”

A matching grin. “Yeah, that was pretty incredible.” He feathered my hair. “I’m going to turn off the light, and I’m going to hold you. And if you want to talk, that’s cool. If you want to sleep, I’m good with that as well.”

“What do you want?”

“To grab you and never let go. ”

Wait…what? Those words sounded like a forever promise. But it was too soon. Too little time had passed. The man could do so much better than a washed-up and broken guy like me.

“Don’t even think about it.”

I stilled.

“I can see you doubting yourself, and I won’t have it.

I want you. Only you. I haven’t been attracted to a man in about twenty years.

I’ve found someone I want to be with. If you don’t feel the same way…

well, we can discuss it. But if you’re thinking I’m just here for, I don’t know, sex, then think again. ”

Appropriately chastened, I nodded. “I don’t have a lot of self-esteem left.”

His frown morphed into a wolfish grin. “Well then, I’m just going to have to prove to you how amazing you are, and how much I want you.

” He encouraged me to roll to my side, and he slid in behind, pulling the sheet and duvet over us.

“And we have the entire weekend.” He yawned. “And the next. And the next…”

By the time I found the words to respond, he was breathing deeply.

I soon joined him in slumber.