Page 32 of Gideon’s Gratitude (Love in Mission City #5)

Chapter Fifteen

Gideon

T his past week had been one of the longest in my life.

Late Friday afternoon, I watched out the front window.

We still had plenty of time to get to Kennedy, but I detested being late.

I was always ten minutes early, while Leo would stroll in ten minutes after the appointed time.

Except for his shift at the hospital. That he was never late for.

His disdain seemed reserved for others. He didn’t respect our time as valuable.

I couldn’t relate.

Archer and I had exchanged numerous texts during the week.

Often about inconsequential things. I hadn’t found the courage to ask if he’d looked into my custody case.

Too chickenshit. Then came the call last night to confirm he was coming out tonight, the tentative inquiry if it was okay if he stayed.

No-brainer .

I’d actually gone down the mountain this week to stock up on necessities.

I never had succeeded in giving back the cash, so I put some away in the bank, and used the rest to stock up on provisions.

Fresh fruits and vegetables, some meat, and, uh, other necessary supplies.

I was never going to be caught without a condom and lube again.

Was I hoping to get lucky? Sure. Was I counting on it? No.

Headlights cut across the driveway, and Lucky let out a woof.

Absentmindedly, I petted the pooch. He’d been a loyal companion over the last week, and we’d taken many long hikes. My back ached, but it felt like a good pain. Getting out in the fresh air was a beneficial thing.

The weather had been unseasonably dry after the torrents of water the week before. Nippy air, but no precipitation. A delightful treat. Anticipated return to normal November rains by the end of the weekend.

I rose, snagged my coat, and headed for the door, Lucky hard on my heels. I grabbed the leash, stepped outside, shut the door, and then locked it.

The dog bounded over to the driver’s door, glancing eagerly at Archer. His tail swished so hard that fallen leaves flew.

Archer opened the door, and before he could move, Lucky was attempting to jump into his lap.

“Lucky.” Definite exasperation on my part.

The dog heard the warning and, apparently, decided this time I was serious. He plopped onto his ass, but kept his gaze firmly fixed on our guest.

Archer got out of the SUV, petted Lucky on the head, and pivoted toward me. “I like the welcome.”

When we stood within inches of each other, he stepped into my personal space, grasped my cheeks, and brought our lips together .

The stress from the week melted away as the achingly familiar sense of rightness settled. I opened eagerly to his probing tongue, and arched against him so our bodies aligned. My skin tingled as desire strummed through me. I’d believed this part of me dead. This man had resurrected it.

He pulled back first. “Much more of this, and I’m going to throw you over my shoulder, haul you back in the house, and have my wicked way with you.”

Oh yes, please.

Okay, maybe not the firefighter’s carry. Wasn’t likely to be good for my back. But the rest of it? Wicked way? That sounded amazing.

“Kennedy awaits you, though, and I have a hankering for cookies. Or buns. Or whatever Rainbow’s baking.”

I lightly punched him in the gut.

He oofed. “My doctor said to cut back on the red meat. She didn’t say anything about carbs.”

Wait…what? “You saw your doctor?” Panic took hold. Archer was young. In superior shape.

He waved off my concern. “Nothing to worry about. She said I’m healthy. I just need to cut back on the burgers and steak.”

What the hell did I buy? Damn. Yep, I’d bought some red meat. Ah well, I’d toss it in the freezer and eat it when I was alone.

He placed a finger to my frown. “I was overindulging. Should I have been so honest with her? No.”

“You should always be honest.”

A raised eyebrow.

“I try.” Defensiveness set in. “I told you about Leo and the kids. About my addiction. ”

“True.” He pulled back. “We need to get going.” He snapped his fingers and Lucky snapped to attention, then he moved to the SUV and opened the back door.

Lucky leapt inside.

Easy as that.

I watched as Archer hooked my dog up to a harness system. “You bought that? Just for Lucky?” I blinked back the tears for the sheer consideration the man had for me.

“Of course. This is easier than moving yours back and forth. I don’t have many people in the back seat, and now he’s safe.” Archer shut the door and came over to me. “Easy decision to make. I’m all about simplicity. This is simple.”

Oh, if only it was. He’d just done an incredibly kind gesture that I couldn’t begin to figure out how to reciprocate.

He kissed my lips, then gestured for me to head to the passenger door. I did and he opened it for me. Once I was inside, he closed the door.

Such chivalry. A word I remembered from the King Arthur stories. I buckled my seat belt.

Archer gave me an appraising look as he secured his own seat belt. “How’s your back?”

Be honest or…? “A little sore. But I’ve been exercising a lot over the last week. Feels good to push myself.”

“As long as it’s not too hard. I’ve, uh…”

Was he blushing?

“Uh…” I prompted.

“Been doing some research.” He threw the SUV into Drive and circled around so we headed back down the driveway. “About positions.”

Said so matter-of-factly. As if no big deal .

“There are a couple that will work.” Oh God, are we really having this discussion here and now? Maybe now was a good time. Since we weren’t staring at each other.

His face broke into a wide grin as he signaled to leave the driveway. “That’s what I was hoping you’d say.”

Heat raced to my cheeks. We hadn’t actually talked about who would top, but I had the distinct impression that would be his preference. And since I preferred things that way, we could make this work.

The drive to the therapy ranch passed in a blur.

Archer kept up a steady stream of conversation about his new house. Now ahead of schedule, thanks to the good weather, the place would be ready just before Christmas.

I’d gleaned some of this, having wandered over a couple of times and chatted with Riley. “I’m happy for you.”

He signaled to turn onto the road heading to the center.

“Thank you. And I’ve taken your advice and have approved the plans for a cabin set farther back on the property.

I’ve submitted those plans to the municipality to get their approval, but Riley’s pretty sure there won’t be any issues. Unless a neighbor complains.”

“Oh well, I won’t. I love the idea of your family being able to visit you.

” Not only because it’d been my idea. But because, deep down, his love for his family was clear and abiding.

The initial reaction of wanting a hideaway was logical.

But so was admitting he wanted the ability to have them visit. Just on his terms, not theirs.

“I can’t wait for them to meet you.”

“Uh…”

“Well, I’ve told them about you, and they’re now quite insistent on introductions.”

What the…? “Well, um, that was quite a leap forward.”

He swore under his breath. “I should have consulted you. ”

I placed my hand on his thigh. “You don’t have to consult me. Your family don’t know me. If it doesn’t work out between us, they’ll be none the wiser.”

“Not work out?” He shot me a glare. “We’ve barely started, and you’ve decided we won’t work out?”

What am I supposed to say? So I kept silent as he turned off the road and onto the long winding driveway.

Dusk had set in, but without the pouring rain, I glimpsed tall, soaring trees.

And as the ranch came into view, my heart settled a bit.

I’d take whatever I could get. For as long as I could get it. The rest would just work itself out.

Rainbow and Tiffany were there to greet us by the time we were out of the SUV.

Lucky was thrilled to see his canine friend, and excited tails wagged.

The woman smiled. “Kennedy’s waiting in her office. You know the way?”

I nodded. Then glanced at Archer. I wanted to ask him to come, but also instinctively understood the relationship was too new for that. No, this I had to do on my own. “Thanks.”

She grinned. “No worries. I’ll take good care of Archer.”

“I can’t wait.” His dark-gray eyes flashed genuine happiness.

I suppressed the flash of jealousy. Archer was bisexual. Although I didn’t know for certain, I had the feeling Rainbow was single. They would make a handsome couple.

I clicked my tongue.

Lucky reluctantly departed from Tiffany, and we went in search of Kennedy.

Her office door was ajar, so I knocked.

She was there in a heartbeat with a huge smile. “Great to see you, Gideon. Come on in. Have a seat. ”

Again, I nabbed the chair. Better for my back. And I don’t have to think about sitting on the couch with Leo, Melodie, and Trevor .

That didn’t make things any better.

Kennedy sat in the other chair and offered what I interpreted to be a genuine smile. “How has your week been? I’m very glad you came back.”

Slowly, I nodded. “I think I need to be here, right? Because I want to get better. I mean, that might not be possible physically, but I can get to a place of acceptance.”

She cocked her head. “Have you ever heard of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross?”

I shook my head.

“She wrote a book about the stages of grief. Now, it’s been simplified down to five—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.”

“No one died, Kennedy. I’m not grieving.” I felt a little silly pointing this out. But there hadn’t been a death. Except the death of— “Oh, you mean my marriage?”

Slowly, she nodded. “Does that list resonate with you?"

I considered. “Denial was when I thought, for a hot minute, the marriage might be saved. Leo made it clear that was never going to happen and yeah, I was fucking angry—” I winced. “Sorry.”

She waved me off.

“Bargaining? Between me and Leo? No. He wouldn’t even speak to me. And we didn’t really negotiate during the divorce, which I really regret. Archer says…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. Couldn’t put into words my hopes—fanciful as they were.

Kennedy cocked her head.

I pressed on. “We can agree I’ve been depressed.

Basically for two years. I cycled back to anger for a while, but that was with this unknown rich dude from Vancouver whose construction was making my migraines worse.

The disruption really wasn’t all that bad—” I considered.

“—or I’m more understanding now I’ve met Archer and recognize the oasis he’s trying to create for himself.

I’ve talked to him a lot over the past ten days.

Like more than anyone else since the end of my marriage.

And so do I have feelings for him because of who he is or because of who he represents? ”

“What do you mean?”

“Basically, he’s the first gay guy…well, bisexual guy…

who has entered my sphere since Leo and I got divorced.

Would I have feelings for any guy like that who turned up in a storm needing help, or is Archer himself the reason my stomach does flip-flops when I hear from him?

That my chest expands with happiness when he texts.

That my world gets a little brighter when he calls.

Am I just grateful to him, or is it more? ”

“Do you want it to be more?”

Well it sort of is, but I don’t think I’m going to share that with you . “You said the final stage of grief is acceptance, right?” I was damn proud of myself for remembering all five.

She nodded. “It’s simplistic but, in some cases, it really works.”

“Okay…so you’d say I need to accept the end of my marriage and all the hopes and dreams before I do anything with Archer, right?”

She shook her head. “You can be grieving and coming to care for someone at the same time. Life isn’t always linear.

And something might happen with Leo that puts you right back to anger.

Or depression might come back. When you reach acceptance, though, those things are less likely to have a profound impact.

You learn to roll with the punches, I’d say. ”

“I want to roll with the punches.”

“Okay, let’s figure out how to make that work.”

I relaxed a bit. “Yeah, okay.”