Page 30 of Gideon’s Gratitude (Love in Mission City #5)

“Right.” In truth, what he was saying didn’t make much sense to me.

I’d always thought the house was…discordant?

That was the word he’d used? Out of place had been my idea.

Riley said this style had come back into popularity because of…

something about the concrete and the windows and…

Again, I hadn’t understood. I was just glad I didn’t live in a house that big and fancy.

“Gideon?”

Shit. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“So you’re now friends with this Maddox guy?”

He cocked his head. “Well, friendly. He and Adam… They were affable men. Interestingly, both admitted to having being hermits before they met their respective partners—”

“So, like, you’re all buddy, buddy? And you’re thinking gee, Gideon’s just like them. He was a hermit until he met me —”

“I didn’t—”

“I don’t need anyone knowing about me, Archer.”

“I didn’t— ”

“Fuck you. I’m fine, you know? I don’t—”

“Gideon.”

He said my name so sharply that I stopped mid-sentence. Just shut right the fuck down.

I put my hands in my lap and looked down.

“Hey.” His tone was soft. He put his finger under my chin and tipped my gaze up to meet his. “What’s going on?” He appeared truly baffled.

“You told me to shut up.”

His eyes widened. “No, I didn’t. Not at all.”

“But…”

He shook his head. “You were getting more and more upset. I was trying to tell you that I didn’t even give your name to Maddox and Adam.

That, although they were curious, I didn’t say anything.

That I completely respected your privacy.

Yes, they’ve now met me—as well as Lucky—but they know nothing about you.

I would never violate your sanctuary, Gideon.

I mean…I guess I did by coming here the night of the storm.

But today? Nothing, okay?” He blinked. “And I would never tell you to shut up . Not you or anyone. Ever.”

“Oh.” Well, shit.

“I…” Finally, he released his grasp of my chin. “That’s not who I am. And if that’s the kind of man Leo is—”

“No!” The word exploded from me. “No. Never.” Make him understand . “Leo would never…”

“But someone…” He swallowed. “That was a place of trauma, Gideon. I’m not a therapist, but even I saw what happened. That’s…” His eyes radiated compassion and concern. “Can you talk about this? To me? To Kennedy? Because…”

Again, his words trailed off.

Only intensifying my own guilt .

Make him understand.

I took a deep breath. “Leo never made me feel stupid, okay? You need to understand that. I do feel stupid around him, but that’s on me—not him.”

“Gideon—”

I raised my hand.

He stopped.

“But I had serious issues with my parents.” I winced.

“God, that’s such a cliché. Except it’s sort of true.

I wasn’t great at school. Actually, I was terrible at school.

Leo figured I had some kind of learning disability.

Or whatever it’s called.” I rushed on. “But I graduated. And got a job on the docks. Leo went to school, and we adopted the kids, and I swore I’d read to them every night.

But I’m not, Archer. I’m not reading to them every night.

I’m not reading at all. And Melodie’s going to be far advanced.

She’s going to leave me in the dust. My own daughter, and I won’t be able to help her—”

My voice broke. “My father used to tell me to shut the fuck up when I was struggling. When I was asking for help. When I was feeling stupid.” I brushed at my damp cheeks.

“Oh, sweetheart.” He clasped my hand. “I don’t know what I said…”

“You were talking about some architect guy. And how Maddox knew about the influence, and…” I flailed the other hand. “No one knows I’m up here. That’s just the way it’s got to be.”

He blinked.

Undoubtedly trying to figure out the logic to my thought processes.

Spoiler alert—there wasn’t one. I wasn’t smart enough for that.

“Okay.” He held tight when I tried to pull my hand away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go on about my house. And I certainly didn’t mean to make you feel stupid. I would never—and I mean never—do that. Not to you. Not to anyone.”

He pursed his lips.

“Okay, except Chevy.”

I blinked.

“Attempted hookup. Total disaster. Never want to mention him again except to say I would totally do horrible things to him because he was a horrible human being. But that’s not the point.

” He drew in a breath. “I didn’t say anything about you to Maddox or Adam.

They were great guys, and we exchanged phone numbers, but I figure that’s just prudent up here.

Both are clearly in committed relationships, and I respect that.

This is me not having many gay friends and thinking I want to change that.

This is me thinking I could come up here and hold myself apart—only to meet you and find that I don’t want to be alone. ”

I blinked again. “How did you get from friends to me…? Oh.”

“Right. That I consider you a friend. That I now consider Maddox and Adam to be friends. Or potential friends. But that I don’t look at them and wonder how their skin can be so impossibly soft.

I don’t think that I want to burrow myself in their bodies and become part of them.

I don’t wonder how I’ll be without them when I go back to Vancouver.

I don’t calculate the least amount of time to be away because I want to get back here to them. ”

“Oh.” I was so fucking inarticulate at this point.

“Are we clear? Am I making sense?” Archer held my gaze.

“Yeah, I hear you. I’m sorry—”

“Don’t be.” He winced. “Well, you be whatever you need to be. Just know that I want to spend time with you. To come back.”

“You’ll always be welcome.” As if those weren’t the most challenging words I’d ever had to push past a lump in my throat .

He nodded, and offered a smile. “This breakfast was superb. Hit the spot.”

“It must be cold.” Our discussion had gone on for some time.

“All good. I love pancakes. Don’t have them very often.”

“Melodie’s favorite.” Trevor enjoyed them as well, but not with the same enthusiasm as his sister.

Archer nodded. “Do you want me to start looking into your case?”

What…? Okay, that came out of left field. “You said you were busy…” Of course I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t going to.

“A few preliminary inquiries shouldn’t take too much time.” He was about to eat a slice of bacon when his phone pinged. He grimaced.

“You can get that. It’s totally okay.”

He nodded and pulled his phone from his back pocket. Moments later, he scowled.

“Trouble?” I didn’t want to pry, but I wanted to make it clear I’d listen.

He tucked the phone away. “I’ll have to go back to Vancouver.” He speared a piece of pancake, swirled it in syrup, but didn’t eat it. “I don’t want to go back.”

I winced inwardly at the slightly petulant tone.

I didn’t want him to leave either, but I knew from firsthand experience that hiding away from problems didn’t actually solve them.

I slid my hand over his. “Well, come back when you can. You’ll always be welcome.

” I didn’t want to say goodbye. Things felt too tenuous to be letting go so soon, but I also couldn’t beg him to stay.

“I will be back.”

I struggled but managed a smile. I squeezed our joined hands. “I know you will. Now, eat up. Can’t have you hungry on the drive home. ”

Archer cringed. “I have to go back into Mission City to get my stuff from the hotel.”

“Won’t add more than a half hour to your trip. You’ll be back to Vancouver in no time.” Said with a lightheartedness I didn’t feel. Still, I could smile. Regardless of when the man returned, we’d always be neighbors.

We finished our meal in silence, and soon he stood.

He began to collect the dishes, but I laid a hand over his. “It’ll give me something to do when you’re gone.” I rose as well and our gazes locked.

The swiftness with which he rounded the corner of the table and drew me into his arms left me nearly breathless.

“I won’t be long. I’ll be back. I promise.”

“I believe you.”

The kiss held no preliminaries. It was full-on and no-holds-barred. It was hot and demanding. It was bittersweet, and yet held promise. The thing was more than I had the right to hope for, and yet was everything I ever wanted.

Finally, he pulled back. He pressed our brows together. “This isn’t the end.”

“I have no doubt.” Well, I did, but I wouldn’t express it. For now, I’d accept the promise.

He stepped back and away. Our gazes held for another moment before he moved to his messenger bag. He quickly checked the contents then retrieved his boots from the back door. Within a few moments he was clad in his outerwear and ready for the elements.

The sun wasn’t out, and gray clouds hung in the air.

As he opened the door, a gust of chilly wind swept through the room.

He held up his hand in a wave, gave a brief nod, and then was gone.

Aside from when I lost my kids, I couldn’t remember ever feeling so empty.