Page 37 of Ghost of a Chance

S leep eluded her, so she spent the night writing and then reapplying the temporary tattoo that had almost worn off.

Staring at her chest and arms in the bathroom mirror, covered in art that mattered to her, made it a lot easier for her to see.

This was her true self. But at home she tried to ignore it. Tried to hide that she was K.L. Henson.

She might not care what other people thought but there was that part of her that was always trying to blend in. Pretending to be something she wasn’t. Her time in Burlington had shown her that wasn’t necessary. Here she was just herself.

How had she never noticed that she wasn’t comfortable in her own skin in the small Southern town she and her mom had settled in. She’d stayed there because she had desperately wanted a place to call home.

But it wasn’t the right place. She shouldn’t be living where she couldn’t always be herself.

Judge Judy shouted “Baloney!” at 6:00 a.m. The usual song and dance of Jasper shuffling downstairs with Chewie made her smile.

She’d missed him last night. The bed felt too big without him next to her. Something that had never bothered her before she’d let him sleep with her. Sourly she pounded out a really intense scene in her book where Eva confronted her longtime friend for betraying her.

Kirsty hadn’t planned on Crispin doing that, but as the words poured out of her, it was definitely where the story needed to go.

Eva had her own secrets, but it felt cathartic to let her rip into Crispin.

The way that Kirsty had wanted to let Jasper have it last night.

But in real life that kind of argument left too much emotional debris.

Holding her tongue wasn’t something she usually did, but she went easy on him because she had her own secrets.

But. No use rehashing that. Today was a new day. She was happy with her pages, and when she looked at the clock it was already after nine.

Gia texted to remind her that she had a book signing and talk at two that afternoon. Then we have an appointment in town at the space that used to be Peterson’s Used Books. The former owner was going to meet them afterward to check out the physics textbook and try to identify it.

Staying in her room was beginning to feel cowardly, so she got her bag with her book signing stuff before going into the kitchen. She heard voices in the living room and wanted to avoid any awkward confrontation.

Jasper stood at the back door, head down, talking to Chewie.

“Out or in, I’m not standing here all day,” he said to the dog.

But Kirsty knew he didn’t mean it. He’d do whatever the dog needed him to. Maybe that was what was bothering her so much about him.

Jasper was usually that guy . The one who cheered her up when she had a rough moment, or made her laugh just by being silly, or turned her on by looking at her. He was always trying to help.

“Out, Chewie,” she said firmly. The dog needed a command instead of options.

Jasper peered over at her, and he had glasses on. He looked somehow sexier than she’d expected. He opened the door again and Chewie went out to do his business.

“Since when do you wear glasses?”

“Since I didn’t sleep last night and my eyes are too scratchy for contacts,” he said, following Chewie out the door.

He wasn’t ready to make nice with her. Feeling as if she were the injured party, she’d let herself forget that she’d lied to him too.

Especially since she hadn’t figured out if bridging it was a smart thing to do. But this morning had been a clarion call showing her that her life needed a change. She’d sort of hoped that Jasper would have been his old normal self this morning, that this would be easy.

He came back in with Chewie who shook himself off, trotted over to her. She bent to pet the dog.

“Gia mentioned that Pete from the used bookstore is going to meet you later today. Do I need to be there?” he asked.

“Only if you want to,” she said. Though she’d hoped he’d come. Seeing him would make all the difference.

“My mom is driving over and I want to make sure she’s settled in her hotel.”

“Why is your mom coming here?” Kirsty asked.

“It’s my birthday tomorrow,” he said.

“Oh, I didn’t realize.” That one stung a little.

“Why would you?” he asked her, washing his hands and then leaning against the counter.

This was one of those moments where her life shuddered to a halt and her head got light and it was hard to think. Whatever happened next would determine if she and Jasper were able to move past this or if they’d part ways as onetime lovers.

It had been a long time since she’d allowed herself to feel this much for a man. But Jasper with his dreamy blue eyes, high cheekbones and quirky personality had charmed his way into her life and into her heart.

There was no denying it. Or what she wanted. She’d never asked to stay, or anyone to stay with her. But now it seemed important that she did. She’d always thought she was content with the loneliness she’d cultivated in her life…but she wasn’t. Not anymore.

* * *

Jasper had spent a lot of time thinking about everything that she’d said the night before. He’d replayed it, done things differently, but in the end it was up to her if she wanted to move past this.

He did, but he was tired and cranky. His mom was here to celebrate another birthday. And this morning, as Jasper performed his usual routine, he realized that he finally knew what he wanted from his life.

It wasn’t a career change or a big upheaval. It was simply to have someone with him. Not just any someone—Kirsty.

But she had to be willing to meet him halfway.

She studied him with those unreadable, serious dark eyes of hers. What was next? Was this where she told him goodbye?

“I guess I figured we knew each other better than that,” she said. “That this was more than temporary.”

His heart almost stopped beating. Then redoubled, pounding so hard he struggled to hear anything. Had she?

“This isn’t easy for me to admit but you were right. I was waiting for you to screw up so I’d have a reason to push you away. That’s not something I wanted to hear you say.” She put her hand on her hip, which was hugged by a formfitting black turtleneck sweater.

“What are you getting at?”

“I want to do a Star Wars marathon after we leave here. I want to see you regularly. What do you think?”

Chewie was looking back and forth between the two of them as they talked.

Jasper’s heart was still racing. The fact that she stood before him right now was a lot.

“I want that too and a lot more. Last night after you left I kept thinking I shouldn’t have let you walk away. We should have hashed things out.”

“I wasn’t in the mood to. I needed time.”

“Yeah, you like to think and analyze shit and then you have a plan,” he said. “Is this your plan?”

She grimaced, shaking her head before she took a step closer to him. “Not exactly. This is me improvising and being impulsive.”

“Ah…so you have no idea how this will go.” He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly to him. “I’m an expert in dealing with impulses.”

“Are you?” she asked, hugging him back and looking up at him. They were so close he could see those thick lashes framing her brown eyes and the faint dark circles underneath that betrayed her sleepless night.

“A true pro. So now you just have to keep rolling with whatever happens next. Hold on until you can get your feet back under you.”

“Aren’t they?”

“Not yet,” he said, lifting her off her feet, spinning until he leaned against the counter again and her body rested on his. He brought his mouth down on hers and kissed her with all of the passion and love that had been bottled inside of him for too long.

She kissed him back, her hand on the back of his neck, holding him to her.

“I love you, Kirsty.”

“You do?” she asked.

“Yeah. I do,” he said. Those weren’t words he uttered often or easily. There weren’t many people he truly loved.

“Wow. I wasn’t…that is… I don’t know…”

He had thrown her off balance again, never seen her so flustered.

He set her on her feet as she tried to process what he said and maybe what she felt for him.

He wanted her to love him back, but he knew that life didn’t always work out that way.

She might care for him but love was different to everyone.

“It’s okay. I’m not expecting you to say it back.”

She worried her lower lip, eyebrows knit together. “Why is that okay?”

“I didn’t say it so you’d say it back. When you feel it, it’ll just feel natural to say it back.”

Gia walked in. “Sorry. Didn’t realize you two were…talking?”

“Yeah. What’s up?” he asked her. Later he would deal with the hurt that she hadn’t fallen in love with him the same way he had for her.

But right now he was rolling with it. Impulsively telling a woman that he’d had a huge fight with the night before that he actually couldn’t live without her might not have been his best idea.

But honestly? He couldn’t have kept his feelings unsaid for another minute.

“Pete can’t meet us later at the used bookstore and is coming here instead. Who has the book?”

“I left it in the living room, isn’t it there?” Jasper asked her. Glad for the distraction. “I’ll go look for it.”

He was halfway across the kitchen before Kirsty called out to him.

Glancing over his shoulder, he immediately saw the fear in her eyes along with something he’d only caught in her expression once before. When he’d sat next to her on the floor of her room, while she tried to commune with the ghost.

“Yes?”

“I do too,” she said. “I definitely do too.”

He smiled at her, nodding. “We can chat more later.”

“Count on it,” she said.

Suddenly all that rudderless drifting that he’d done since Paul’s death took a deeper meaning. What if he’d been drifting until he met her? What if it was fate, or magical coincidence, that allowed him to find what he’d been looking for all along?

* * *