Page 22 of Ghost of a Chance

J asper didn’t drive straight back to the Airbnb. The last thing he wanted was to be around Gia and Dan. Kirsty didn’t object as he pointed the car east toward Lake Champlain. It wasn’t a typical lake-going day, but then again nothing had been typical since the day he met her.

There was a secluded area that he thought she’d enjoy seeing in the misty rain. But they needed proper gear. He pulled into a gas station and she eyed him warily.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“Surprise.”

Crossing her arms over her chest, she quizzically tipped her head to the side. He suspected she was trying to decide if she was going to argue with him or not. In the end, she relented. “Are you getting fishing gear?”

“Rain gear, and maybe a condom.”

A smile teased the corners of her lips. “Coffee, too. I’ll come in with you.”

The convenience store wasn’t exactly spoiled for choice but they did find two ponchos in bright yellow. Kirsty made coffees from the machine for both of them while he grabbed a pack of Hostess cupcakes and a box of condoms. No use denying either of their cravings.

He’d never thought of himself as a highly sexual person. He liked sex, but around her…it was all he thought about.

Her hair had started to curl once it dried from the drenching earlier. Some of her eyeliner had faded away, making her look more like the fun woman who’d dropped Star Wars references.

He wanted her so badly that he’d take whatever she offered him. Usually he could figure out what motivated women, see some kernel of who they were. With her…nope. He had nothing.

Except that she kissed him with her entire being. Like she wanted to fuse with him and take him completely. That was addicting.

“Junky snacks?” she asked, nudging him out of his thoughts.

“Gas station coffee demands it.”

“I like those pink snowball things,” she said.

“Uh gross,” he teased as he reached around her to grab a package before leading the way to the counter to pay.

“Whatever. It’s an acquired taste. Like aspartame…not really for everyone,” she muttered as she took out her wallet.

He waved her off, paying with his phone and declining a bag.

“Acquired taste…that’s what my mom said when I tried wine for the first time. In her defense, wine is actually good.”

“Snowballs are too,” she said. “There’s something so satisfying about the dessicated coconut on top of that sugary cake.”

“You’re really selling it,” he said as they got to the car. It took a few minutes, but soon they were back on the road.

“Hostess cupcakes aren’t exactly gourmet,” she said.

She really didn’t let things go, he thought. “Definitely not. But that’s the point. We want something that’s full of calories and tastes like heaven as you chew it, but then later makes you wish you hadn’t had it.”

Her laughter filled the car, and this time he didn’t bother hiding his smile. There had been a heavy sadness around her in the apartment, and hearing her joy now made him feel like he’d done something nice for her. That he’d started to understand her enough to repay her for her help.

He wanted to ask her about what made her leave his old place, but decided to wait.

When they arrived at the park, he parked the car and led the way.

The shore was lined with rocks and small shrubs and bushes but he knew a spot a little farther up that they could sit down.

The water was choppy today and there weren’t many people at the beach.

Wearing their bright ponchos, carrying their own coffee and snack of choice, he felt like they were in a Wes Anderson film.

“Oh.”

Her breath caught watching the waves stirred by the storm blow across the lake and stir the surface into choppy waves. The air was heavy and damp with the remaining drizzle and the mist from the lake.

She took a sip of her coffee and closed her eyes. Staring at her, taking her in, he promised himself that he’d always try to keep her happy. Even though everyone controlled their own happiness, she deserved the support. He liked seeing her this way.

“Thanks for this.”

“No problem. So…what about the apartment got to you?” he asked.

“It just reminded me of me at twentysomething. I wasn’t prepared for everything it brought up,” she said.

“I bet you were cute. Were you so goth and emo then?”

“Always. Die hard.”

“Always?”

“Yeah, even in kindergarten,” she said with a wink. “I rebelled against my teacher and refused to nap.”

She was funny…and distracting. Fine, she didn’t want to talk about whatever she’d felt in the apartment. As much as he wanted her to feel comfortable, she needed to take her own advice and stop keeping things from him. No one could help her if she kept them in the dark. “So the apartment…”

“You’re not going to let it go, are you?”

“Nah, I’m tenacious.”

“Really?” She didn’t believe him. That was a mistake.

“Yup. You’re being evasive and that’s not like you. I get not wanting to open up but if I’ve learned anything from all your probing it’s that it’s actually made me feel a little lighter. So what’s up?”

A tentative pause filled the air before she started. “I don’t know. I was sucked into something heavy and emotional. My college years weren’t the greatest, so it might have been that.”

“Probably. College is a time for figuring out how to function in the adult world.”

“So true. Guess I started buying your hype that I’ve got it together.”

“Well compared to some… Do you feel like it was all your emotions?”

“Not sure. How do you mean?”

“You were close to the book when you went in there,” he said. “Was Paul speaking to you?”

“How? The lights didn’t flicker, the TV didn’t blare Judge Judy …”

“That’s how he communicates with me, but I don’t have your gift. Was he trying to share something with you?” he asked. Even two days ago he wouldn’t have uttered those words but now he was confident in her ability and knew she had a gift that he didn’t understand.

“Uh… I don’t…it was like I could sense feelings more than words,” she said.

“What were they?”

“Fear of rejection, like I didn’t belong. Does this sound like Paul?”

Giving her a soft smile, he said, “That sounds like all of us in college.”

“Are you trying to make me feel better?”

“Is it working?”

“Maybe. Does what I describe sound like Paul?”

She didn’t want to share her feelings…they had to be strong. Of course they were. He’d stood next to her in the rain and felt waves of something dark coming off of her.

* * *

Revealing any of what she felt was anathema. There was no way she was admitting to any part of that girl she’d been. If he wanted to know the emotions…but then she realized that he wouldn’t necessarily know they were hers. He was positive she had a real ability, was channeling Paul.

She was the only one who knew the truth.

“I don’t know. We didn’t talk about shit like that. I mean I know he was stressed about his classes.”

“Why?”

Jasper wouldn’t meet her eye and looked away finding a rock to toss into the lake. “He didn’t want to fail again. You know now that I think about it he had a lot of anxiety around school. He was always telling me to make sure I didn’t fall behind and shit like that.”

“That’s sort of what I felt. I guess it resonated with me because I felt the same pressures at school. My mom and I could only afford four semesters of college. I couldn’t drop a class or fail it. The pressure was crazy,” she admitted.

But that stress hadn’t been what she’d felt in the room. Instead, it was closer to the lingering ickiness from Buck and how he’d treated her. But as much as she was beginning to trust Jasper, revealing that part of her life felt far out of reach.

“That sucks. I…because my dad died after being hit by another driver, we had a settlement, so my tuition was covered,” he said. “Mom wanted me to have the full college experience. Dad and her met at a junior college and then she got pregnant with me, so she thought they’d both missed out.”

“That’s nice of her.” It was sweet, the way his mom had worked so hard to make sure he was okay. But the pressure Jasper must have felt.

“Thanks. So was that it, really? You seemed way more intense than if it was just about financial stress. There was something in your eyes that seemed, I don’t know, scared,” he said.

He wasn’t going to drop this.

Did he think she was holding something back that would help their project?

Hell, she wanted to know what was going on too and get Paul the fuck wherever he was meant to go so she could go back to her comfortable place.

Where she wasn’t hearing loud, creepy voices or being overwhelmed by dark emotions.

That place where she could keep telling herself she was pretending to be a medium.

“There were other things…but I don’t want to discuss them.” It was time to pivot. “One thing I’ve been wondering is, how was Paul’s relationship? You said he and Victor planned to get married, right?”

“Yeah. They were super happy. They weren’t into tons of PDA but I’d catch them exchanging looks when we’d be out. They had this connection that you really don’t see all that often.”

So no anxiety there. Maybe that had been how her body had reacted to Paul’s stress. She really wasn’t sure. “I guess that’s it then. Should we head back?”

“Not yet. Snack time. There’s a place over here where we can sit.”

She couldn’t keep her eyes off of him. There was something about him that drew her in. It had been easy to give in to that impulse when her guard was down earlier. But she didn’t have that excuse now.

She didn’t need it.

She was a grown-ass woman; it was okay to like a guy. She had to shake lingering doubt from remembering what had happened with Buck. It stuck to her, like she’d walked through a spiderweb and couldn’t get it off. No matter how many times she brushed it away, it was still there.