Page 31 of Gay for Pray (Arport Sacred Sacrament University #1)

Chapter Thirty-One

Jude

NEVER IN MY LIFE did I think I’d go to “Sunday brunch,” but here I am, and with a deacon of all people.

Theo’s parents sit across from us at the only slightly sticky diner table.

Lucy is next to me. The second Theo and I arrived, she rushed ahead of us, then patted the seat beside her with more authority than a teenager should be allowed to possess.

Placed between her and her brother, I feel like a suspect in an interrogation room, though I’m not sure if either of Theo’s parents count as the “good cop” here.

They’re both watching me warily, as though I might burst into showtunes and whip out a Pride flag any second.

“I ordered blueberry waffles,” Theo’s mother says into the awkward silence. “Your favorite. But, um…” Her eyes slide to me. “I wasn’t sure…”

“We’ll share,” Theo says.

For an instant, Theo’s father’s mouth tenses as though he wants to comment on this, but he says nothing, and the topic shifts to school.

Theo is a ball of tension beside me, like a tightrope strung too taut, but he loosens up a little as he describes our philosophy project in more detail than we had time for outside the church.

“It was meant as a group project, so in the end that’s what we did,” he concludes.

He looks right at his father as he says that, and my chest swells with pride. I know what it costs him to face down his dad like this. After all, that man nearly screwed up our project and our grades just to tear us away from each other during something as innocent as a homework assignment.

“What did your professor have to say about that?” Mr. Walsh says.

“We haven’t gotten our final grades yet, but she pulled us aside after class and said she was really pleased with our presentation,” Theo says.

I sneak my hand onto his thigh under the table, giving him a squeeze that I hope says, “Good job, babe.” He’s absolutely fearless in the face of his father’s tense expression, and God, it’s so sexy to watch him finally stand up for himself.

All these years of hunching and hanging his head, yet today he sits up tall and proud, his shoulders back and chin lifted.

I’d tackle him right here in this diner if it wouldn’t undo all his hard work.

“Well, isn’t that wonderful?” Mrs. Walsh says. She shoots her husband a look as though seeking confirmation, then apparently decides to barrel on while he sits frozen. “It sounds like you’re doing really well this semester, Theodore.”

Theo relaxes a tick as his mother diffuses some of the tension. “I hope so,” he says. “We’ve only just reached midterms, but I’ve been working hard.”

“Of course you have,” Mrs. Walsh says fondly. “You’ve always been an excellent student.”

“Keep your grades up,” his father adds gruffly.

I take even that rumbling murmur as a positive sign. The guy is talking, and he isn’t kicking us out of the diner. In fact, as we switch to talking about the choir, the man very nearly unclenches his jaw.

“You both sing, right?” Lucy says to push the conversation that direction.

I jump in to help Theo out. “Yeah, I was in my high school’s theater club, so I’ve been singing for a while, though I’ll admit a church choir is a new experience. It’s fun learning a completely different type of music though.”

“That must be quite an…enriching experience,” Mrs. Walsh says.

Her reaction makes me worry I’ve revealed too much of my heathen ways, but I push on.

“It has been, actually. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I auditioned for the liturgical choir, but it’s been a ton of fun.

And man, the acrostics in that church. I mean, you heard it for yourselves, but it’s seriously incredible. ”

Mrs. Walsh actually smiles, and it doesn’t even seem forced. “It’s a gorgeous building. What a privilege to perform and practice there.”

“It really is,” I say sincerely.

I shoot a look Theo’s way, not pretending not to smile as fondness wells up in my chest. If it’s a bit too much, I don’t find out because our meals arrive to interrupt the moment.

Theo slides his plate of blueberry waffles between us, offering me a fork so we can share his meal.

I hesitate, thinking this might be too far, but he meets my gaze and gives me a slight nod, and I’m hungry enough after sitting through Mass to dig in.

We’ve already come this far. What’s a little waffle-sharing between boyfriends?

The meal stymies the conversation, but everything has gone so well this morning that I take a swing. Besides, I really want these people to understand what an incredible son and brother they’ve got.

“Speaking of the choir, I’m sure you all know this already,” I say, “but Theo’s voice is…well, it’s pretty darn amazing. I’ve never heard anything like it, and I’ve been around theater kids basically my whole life.”

His mother smiles, really smiles. It isn’t bitten back or half-formed, but a full-mouthed smile. Her eyes shine with pride.

“Oh, we’ve known that for a very long time,” she says, “but he’s so modest.”

“Mom…” Theo grumbles.

Beside me, Lucy punches me in the shoulder. “Make sure to remind him for us, okay?”

“I’ll do my best,” I say. “Should be easy if we keep singing together.”

“I hope you will.”

This last comes from Theo’s father, and goes off like a bomb. The shockwave leaves everyone silent. I wouldn’t describe Mr. Walsh as smiling , but he isn’t scowling, and combined with what he just said, that counts for a whole lot.

I swallow, my throat suddenly too tight for even one more bite of delicious blueberry waffle drenched in syrup.

“I will, sir,” I say seriously.

He nods, and that’s it. It’s about as close to approval as we’re going to get, and both of us know it. It’s not the bear hug my mother will give Theo the first time she meets him, but it’s something, and I’m pretty sure it’s a good something.

The conversation turns to the sermon, which I only half-listened to.

Theo speaks up, seeming more comfortable with this topic than he was with us praising his voice.

I help him demolish the unreasonable amount of waffles the diner served us, taking down a cup of coffee while I do.

By the time I get back from the bathroom, Mr. Walsh has paid the bill and everyone is standing to make their way outside.

I worry that this could be the moment we get some stern rebuke about our “choices” or something like that, but when the family parts, they do so with hugs.

“Keep studying hard,” Mr. Walsh says, which I’ve already gathered is about as close to warmth as he’s going to get.

“And singing,” Mrs. Walsh adds, stealing another crushing hug from her son. “It was nice meeting you, Jude,” she adds.

They start off, leaving us with Lucy, who elbows me in the ribs. “That went really well, just so you know. Good job.”

With that cryptic message, she skips off to join her parents. Theo and I stand on the sidewalk outside the restaurant waving until they pull out of the parking lot and drive away.

“We should probably head back as well,” I say. “Classes tomorrow.”

Theo nods, strangely silent as we make our way to his car.

I slide into the passenger seat and fasten my seatbelt, but for a while Theo just sits there.

He doesn’t turn on the engine or fasten his seatbelt or do much of anything.

His head hangs, and when I unbuckle myself so I can look closer, I find tears tracking down his cheeks.

I nearly climb over the center console to thumb those tears off his cheeks, cupping his face in my hands to make him look up at me. More tears shine in his eyes, threatening to spill over any moment.

“Hey, Theo, talk to me,” I plead. “What’s going on? Are you okay? What happened?”

I thought the brunch went pretty okay, all things considered, but maybe I missed something. This is his world, not mine, so maybe his father said something that sailed over my head but meant something entirely different to Theo.

He sniffles, scrubbing at his face with his sleeve. I release him, but stay leaning over the console.

“It went really, really well,” he says.

I blink. I didn’t think it went bad , but I would not have described that as “really, really well.” His father seemed like he was one wrong word from calling us sinners in the middle of the diner, but again, this isn’t my world.

“It did?” I say.

Theo nods, teary. “Yeah, it did. It might not seem like it, but that…that was a really big deal. He actually talked to you, and he didn’t even make some underhanded remark or anything. And Mom…I think she really likes you. I just…”

He shakes his head, and fresh tears spill free. He speaks through them.

“It’s going to take time. I know it’s not perfect. Maybe you hated it, even, but I swear, that was good. That was really good. I think they’ll come around, even my dad. I’m just… I never thought he’d…”

My heart aches for this scared, ashamed man, a man who’s spent his entire life expecting and accepting his family’s disapproval because of who he is.

I underestimated the bravery it took for him to do what he did today, and the realization leaves me so full of love that I wrap Theo in my arms and crush him against me.

“Of course they’ll come around,” I say. “They love you. How could they not? You’re incredible, Theo, and they know that. I know that. You’re so incredible.”

A sob breaks free, and he clings to the back of my shirt. Years and years of emotion pour out of him in a torrent, but I hold him through all of it, letting him cry for as long as he needs. After all these years of bottling himself up, how could I possibly blame him?

He sighs as the tears abate, easing away from me. His face is red, his hair mussed, his cheeks damp. He’s never been more handsome—or more brave.

“I know I just cried all over you,” Theo says, “but I’ve never been so happy in my entire life. Thank you.”

Tears clog my own throat, but Theo yanks me toward him and kisses them away.

We cling to each other, kissing like we’re standing at the end of the world, like there’s nothing left to lose.

It took so much for me to get this boy into my life, but I wouldn’t change a single second of it.

Today has only reaffirmed that he’s the most incredible man I’ll ever meet.

We finally part and settle into our own seats, but Theo takes my hand after starting the car.

“I guess we should head back to school,” he says. “Got the rest of the semester ahead of us.”

“We have way more than half a semester of college courses ahead of us, Theo.”

I smile at him as a whole big, long, wonderful life stretches out before us. His answering smile suggests he glimpses that same bright future, one in which we make our own rules and our own paths no matter what anyone around us might say or think.

“Ready?” I say.

Theo swallows but grips my hand harder. “I’ve been ready for my entire life.”