Page 17 of Gay for Pray (Arport Sacred Sacrament University #1)

Chapter Seventeen

Jude

A DRONE OF CONVERSATION buzzes through the cafeteria. Tables fill a huge open space, the lanes between them leading to the big open kitchen at the back.

Nick and I weave between tables and students and staff, joining the line snaking through the kitchen.

We each grab a tray, filling it as we go with heaps of lasagna and spoonfuls of questionable vegetables.

I snag a piece of cake on my way to the register, where I swipe my student ID.

Why not? I’ve been having one of the most surreal and good weeks of my life. I deserve cake.

Nick cocks an eyebrow at the cake when we steal the end of one table otherwise occupied by a chattering group of freshmen. It’s nice sitting near the younger students. They tend to ignore upperclassmen, glancing at us from the corners of their eyes and hoping we never bother to notice them.

“Cake, huh?” Nick says.

“What? Can a man not enjoy cake?”

“It’s just unusual for you,” he says, spearing the lukewarm lasagna the cafeteria is offering as its dinner entree.

I do likewise, more to buy myself time than to enjoy the food.

There isn’t much to enjoy, but cafeteria food is included in the room and board fees, which means it’s free for me, and that’s a price I can’t pass up.

Especially after that feast I bought for Theodore.

I won’t lie, that little breakfast spread hit my bank account in a way I’m trying not to think about, but even as I subsist on crappy lasagna, I can’t say I regret it.

“I had a good week,” I say by way of explanation. “I’m celebrating.”

“It’s Wednesday.”

“I’m celebrating early.”

Nick sets his fork down. “Okay, seriously, what’s going on? I’m out of the loop, and that’s downright rude. I thought we were friends.”

I sigh. I was planning to ease into this conversation, but I guess Nick isn’t going to give me a choice.

And by “ease into,” I mean delay as long as possible.

The party was Saturday, then I spent Sunday with Theodore in my room and saw him again on Monday for that improbable hookup in the music room.

I’ve had almost two days to tell Nick about any of this, but I’ve avoided it until now.

“I need a favor,” I say.

Nick’s incredulous eyebrow rises higher. “Okay?”

“Is there any night this week you might be…busy? Maybe…you’ll be busy all night?”

I’m being a bit optimistic with that, but hey, I might as well swing for the fences.

Part of me is waiting for the moment Theodore freaks out and runs from this, but until he does, I’m going to enjoy every second of it.

He’s hot, his cock is incredible, and for some reason he still wants me despite all his religious stuff.

That’s not an opportunity you let slip between your fingers.

If Nick can give us all night, I will make use of every last second.

A smile curls across Nick’s face like smoke. I don’t need to say any more. He knows me way too well to miss the implications behind my request.

“Yeah,” he says, “I could clear out. Michael’s probably around on Friday.”

“Michael? Who’s Michael?”

He rolls his dark eyes. “From the choir? Come on, man. He plays guitar. He’s there in the front row every time. He’s pretty quiet, but he’s the only one with an instrument, so I seriously don’t know how you missed him.”

I do. It’s because I was too busy ogling a certain blond, stern, stiff-backed choir boy. I’m not about to tell Nick that, though.

“Anyway,” Nick says, “I’ll hit him up and let you know what he says. He’ll probably let me crash if you need the room for a night.”

“Thanks, man. Is he, uh…”

Nick waves the suggestion away. “Nah, just a friend. We got to talking during practice. Turns out he’s pretty chill.”

“And you’re not into him? At all?”

Nick shrugs. “He’s hot, but I don’t think we’re each other’s type. It’d be another you situation.”

He waves between us, encompassing our awkward freshman year mistakes.

“Stop deflecting,” Nick says. “Who’s the guy? Is it someone from the party?”

I can’t help scowling. Technically, Theodore is “someone from the party,” but not at all in the way Nick means.

Sure, I carried Theodore home and slept with him hugged against my body, but Nick clearly has no idea exactly what went down that night outside of me needing to take care of someone.

Nor do I want to explain. I can just imagine him sneering at the idea of me hooking up with Theodore of all people, if he even believed me.

I can see why he’d struggle to wrap his brain around it.

I’m struggling with that myself, and I was there for the whole thing.

“No, just a guy from a class,” I say. That’s mostly true, sort of, but more importantly, it should throw Nick off the scent. I’m definitely not ready for him to know my mystery guy is the most uptight future priest on the entire campus.

“Damn, well, I’m jealous,” Nick says.

“Didn’t you meet someone at the party?”

He never came home that night, and when I texted him, he said he’d be gone in the morning as well. That’s why I was able to take care of Theodore.

“Yeah, but it was just a hookup,” Nick says. “Some closet case. He won’t even look me in the eyes anymore.”

“That sucks, man. Sorry.”

We’ve both been there. I’m kind of there now. It’s never fun to be useful to a guy when you’re naked and invisible to him outside of the bedroom.

“You deserve better than that,” I say sincerely.

“Don’t we both, but what are we gonna do? We’re stuck at this lame university where you can’t even meet an open guy at a party.”

“Speaking of the party…”

I edge toward another topic I’ve been trying and failing to bring up with him. I’ve wondered ever since Saturday night, though, and Nick is the only person I can ask.

“Did you see anything weird go down there?” I say.

“Weird how?”

“Like people getting way too fucked up or something?”

He thinks for a moment before shaking his head. “Not really. Seemed like standard party stuff to me. Why?”

“So, I think Theodore got dosed at the party.”

Nick’s eyes go huge. “Wait, what? Dosed? With what?”

“I’m not sure. Best guess is molly. He, uh, he needed some help.”

“Shit, man. Is that where you disappeared to? I thought you had a good night. I didn’t realize you were having the night from hell. Why didn’t you text or something?”

“He was pretty messed up,” I say, trying to sound casual despite the guilt tearing through me. I should have told my best friend, but in the moment, I acted without thought. “I wanted to get him out of there and to somewhere safe where he could ride it out.”

The wheels churn in Nick’s head. “Wait, is that why you asked where I was in the morning?” I nod, and Nick’s confusion turns to horror. “Hold on, back up. You left the party with Choir Boy and took him to our place and, what? He stayed there all night?”

“He was fucked up! What was I supposed to do?”

Nick puts up his hands. “I’m not criticizing. This is just…freaking weird, man.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.”

It still feels surreal, especially because of the epilogue I have no intention of telling Nick about.

Nick shakes his head. “That’s fucked. I’m sorry. Theodore sucks, but no one deserves that.”

“No, they don’t. He’s never even had a beer. He was high as balls that night.”

“Is he okay?”

“He’s fine. I put him to bed, got him some food in the morning, made sure he wasn’t sick or anything.”

“Thank God. That shit can go really, really wrong.”

It can, but it sure didn’t in his case. It seemed more like it opened up a whole new side of him, or perhaps a side of him that he’d buried so deep it required extraordinary circumstances to dig it out.

“You’re sure no one else was high that night?” I say.

“Not that I recall. Not that high.”

I rasp a curse that makes the cluster of freshmen shoot us a nervous look, then lower my voice.

“I think someone was messing with him,” I say. “I think they dosed him in particular because…”

“Because he’s an uptight religious nut?”

I nod, too angry to attempt speech. Spiking a drink is bad enough on its own, but specifically targeting Theodore makes me want to flip this lunch room table and go tearing through campus until I find the culprit and strangle him with my bare hands.

The surge of fury startles me, but I don’t attempt to tamp it down.

It feels both righteous and right in this case.

Nick reaches across the table to pat my arm. “I’m so sorry, dude. I had no idea those guys were like that. I’d heard nothing but good things about their parties, but we’re through with them, I swear.”

“It’s not your fault,” I say, calming myself with an effort. “We don’t even know if it’s one of the guys who live there or a random asshole. There’s nothing we can really do except be grateful that Theodore wasn’t hurt.”

“Not physically at least. Feeling everything you’ve suppressed for nineteen years must be a hell of a ride for a guy like that.”

Nick has no idea how close he is to the mark, but I’m hoping Theodore’s sudden openness isn’t only because of what happened on Saturday.

The Theodore I’ve gotten snatches of feels too real to be an illusion, but part of me shivers in fear at the possibility of him waking up from this wonderful dream and declaring it was all one big mistake.

He could change his mind at any point, no matter how passionate he seems in this charmed moment.

If I can get him alone this week, I’ll know for sure how he feels.

“Whatever,” I say. “It’s fine now. He seems okay. But are you sure you can give me the room this week?”

“Now that I know you spent the night with Choir Boy instead of someone fun? Yes, dude. I will do whatever I have to to clear out. You need this. Is Friday night okay?”

“Friday’s perfect.”

It will keep Theodore from worrying about Sunday Mass, though I don’t tell Nick that.

I let him assume that my mystery man is someone else, that I hated having Theodore in my bed on Saturday night, that I feel bad for him but not enough to actually like him.

The deception is a whole separate wrinkle in my increasingly messy life, but I’ll have to tackle these one at a time.

First up, getting Theodore totally alone and totally sober in my room so I can dig out more of the truth of him.

The glimpse I got in the practice room has left me absolutely parched, offering a tantalizing sip from a far deeper well.

He was uncertain and inexperienced, but I’d bet anything he’ll be a willing and superb student when we have complete privacy.

Afterward, some day, when I’m ready, I’ll attempt to explain all this to Nick. I’m not sure it’ll ever sound sane for me to hook up with a future priest who’s so deep in the closet his first time literally happened in a closet, but that’s a challenge I’ll have to deal with later.

For now, all I want is another chance to get my hands on my choir boy.