Page 17 of Full Court Crush
Keira took her place at the starting line alongside the rest of the team. She stretched out her hamstrings while waiting for Coach Grant to connect her phone to the speaker. Keira glanced sideways down the line. Amelia was staring straight forward, gaze seemingly focused on a spot in the distance. While everyone else was jittering with nervous energy, Amelia seemed calm, oblivious of everyone else. Keira wondered if it was true composure or another mask. She wondered if that mask had slipped a bit during their gym testing. Keira could still feel her gaze on her skin.
The electronic voice started, explaining the test and then counting down to the start. Everyone stilled, and the room fell silent, the electronic voice crackling alone.
The first beep sounded, and the team set off en masse at a slow jog, easily clearing the first beep. As the test progressed and the beeps got closer together, Keira found her rhythm, trying to keep her breathing steady and her muscles loose. That became harder the further they got into the test, especially when people started dropping out. Keira couldn’t think about that. Coach Grant had been right, they were only competing with themselves, or more accurately, with their own mind. The bleep test was nothing if not a case of mind over matter. Keira sucked the thick air into her lungs as her muscles burned.
The test continued until only a handful of them remained.
“Keira, that’s your first,” TJ said from the line. She’d been a second late getting her foot over the line. Keira had already known she’d missed the mark, but TJ’s voice sounded like a death knell. Sprinting, she closed the gap between her and the others. She clung on for a few more repetitions, but eventually fell too far behind. The line was metres away when the next beep sounded. She kept running, cleared the line, and stumbled into the wall. She turned her back to the rough surface and slid down it, lungs heaving, unable to do anything but watch the others finish the test.
Lucy dropped out next. Fingers interlocked behind her head to open up her lungs, breathing hard. Keira patted her on the leg as she slid down next to her, still breathing too hard to speak her ‘well done’. Lucy gave her a thumbs up in response and pulled her knees up, folded her arms on top of them, and rested her chin there. Sienna followed suit not long after.
Amelia and Asha were still going strong. Amelia was in the zone, still staring into the distance as she cleared each line. The V of sweat that appeared on her shirt grew with each repetition. The bleeps were now so close together they almost seemed like one singular tone. Asha missed two consecutive bleeps and stumbled over the line, laying flat on her back at the other end of the hall. Sofia walked over and checked on her, crouching next to her and whispering what Keira assumed were words of congratulations.
All eyes turned to Amelia. Keira could only imagine the burning she was pushing through to maintain this pace. TJ meticulously checked off each repetition as Amelia cleared it. Keira sat in awe of her stamina. Only at the first missed bleep did her facial expression betray her level of discomfort. She pushed hard off the line and made the next bleep and Keira marvelled at how she had any extra energy left. She missed the subsequent bleep by a foot. She stumbled over the line and collapsed to her knees, catching herself with her hands, and rolling onto her back in front of Keira. Keira watched her chest rapidly rise and fall. Her eyes were closed, hands on her head with elbows splayed wide.
Teammates came over and congratulated her, and Amelia answered with gestures, without ever opening her eyes. Keira stayed where she was, still not trusting her legs to have solidified. The others headed towards the showers, and Keira thought it would be polite to wait for Amelia. She tried not to look at her too much, for fear of seeming like she was watching her. But the other woman was at the forefront of her mind. The way she looked when she was owning the court during the test. How her powerful legs propelled her forward. She glanced toward her once more, and quickly registered that her breathing had yet to slow down. Keira shuffled forward and tapped Amelia on her side.
“Hey, are you alright?” Her eyes roved over Amelia’s body with concern.
“Yeah…fine…just…anxiety…” Amelia spoke carefully between breaths.
“What?” Keira asked, confused.
Amelia didn’t reply straight away. Instead, she started holding her breath between inhales to slow her breathing. Keira remained silent, concerned. She looked around, wondering what she was going to do if Amelia passed out. She noted Coach Grant still stood in the doorway, watching them.
Eventually, Amelia eased up off the floor to a sitting position, her breathing still jarring.
“You good?” Keira asked.
“Yeah.” Amelia exhaled slowly. “One of the fun things about anxiety is, sometimes, my body can’t tell the difference between a panic attack and a good workout.” She took a long, deep breath in, followed by another measured exhale. “It gets itself confused.”
“Ouch. That can’t be fun.”
“Yeah. I was already on edge with the testing, so this didn’t help.” Amelia smiled wryly, then slowly got to her feet. Keira followed her lead. “Thanks for staying with me,” she said quietly.
“Of course.”
Keira glanced at the doorway where Coach Grant stood. Coach Grant gave Keira a brief nod of acknowledgement and disappeared.
“Why did you keep going if you were struggling? You’d already beaten everyone.”
Amelia picked up her bag and chuckled.
“Because it’s not about beating everyone else. It’s about doing the best I personally can.”
“Trying to be perfect at the expense of your health?”
Amelia shrugged.
“It’s not just that. If I give in, I’m telling my brain that being out of breath from exercise is as scary as a panic attack. That there is something to be feared.” Sadness passed behind her eyes. “I’d never be able to step on court again.”
Keira couldn’t imagine. She wanted to protect Amelia, but she had no idea how to protect her from the demons in her own head. They moved toward the door.
“If you ever feel like that again, let me know, okay?” Keira offered. “I can be there, try to help. Or at least make sure you’re not alone.”
“Thanks,” Amelia smiled warmly. Her gaze lingered on Keira’s. The two of them stood in the doorway to the sports hall. Keira was sweaty and tired, but somehow felt more comfortable than she had all day. A distant door slammed, jolting them out of their eye contact, and they finally left.
Chapter 7