Page 12

CHAPTER 12

brIAR

A s I fight my way to consciousness, the first thing I notice is how much I hurt. It feels like Ryker took a sledgehammer to every part of my body. The second is how freaking bright the light is. Usually, the lighting is pretty dim in our cells, which is good for sleeping. I wonder what made them decide to crank the light up to eleven.

I wrack my brain to try to remember what happened before I passed out. After struggling to organize my thoughts for a moment, I’m bombarded with flashes of Ryker stabbing me, Anson shooting me, and Malachi swooping in to rescue me.

I snap open my eyes, praying to any god that will listen that the last part was real and not just a dream. When I see white ceiling tiles, white walls, and sterile white furnishings, I feel a sob bubble in my chest. I’m able to keep from crying at the realization that I dreamed up Malachi saving me, but a strangled noise still escapes my throat.

“You’re awake,” a rough voice to my left says.

I hear the scrape of a chair against the tiles and footsteps as I turn my head. My eyes widen when I see Malachi’s navy ones peering down at me from the side of the bed. “You’re here,” I whisper as the tears I was trying to hold back finally spill down my cheeks.

His lips tilt into a half smile as he swipes the tears off with his thumbs. “I am.” His voice is just as quiet as mine, like he’s worried about shattering the moment between us.

Despite the relief and elation flowing through me at seeing Malachi, the walls start to feel like they’re closing in on me. The room is too similar to the experiment rooms at the Knights facility. While I’m used to the physical violence from Patrick’s beatings, the emotional toll of having to perform so kids wouldn’t be hurt has taken its toll on me, I guess. “Where are we?”

“The infirmary.”

I give him a nod before moving to yank out the IV jabbed into my hand. Malachi’s fingers fly out to cover the small wound. He pins me with a glare and places one of his large hands on my chest to hold me down as I try to sit up.

“What are you doing?”

I narrow my eyes at him. I’m trying to focus on being annoyed with him rather than the panic that’s squeezing my chest and making it hard to breathe. “I’m fine, so I’m getting out of here.” I attempt to jackknife up, but Malachi prevents me from even moving.

“Baby girl, the doctor needs to check over you. He’s with some other patients, but he should be here in less than thirty minutes.”

I shake my head, my heart beating frantically in my chest at the thought of having to stay in this soulless white room any longer. “I need to get out of here. Please, Malachi.” My voice breaks on the last word, and I want to close my eyes in embarrassment, but I’m too afraid that Malachi will disappear if I take my gaze off him.

His face softens. “Okay, baby girl. We’ll get you out of here. I can take you up to our room and let the doctor know where you are. Does that work?”

He waits for my nod before carefully scooping me into his arms like I weigh nothing. My scratchy, multicolored hospital gown wrinkles at the movement, and I hope I can get into real clothes soon. I’m sick of hospital-wear.

I try to hide my wince at how the movement causes pain to splinter through my abdomen. By the way Malachi’s expression turns thunderous as he starts walking to the doorway, I don’t think I do a great job. Clenching his jaw, he shifts me around so he can open the door.

When we walk out into the hallway, I lay my head against his strong shoulder and breathe in his smoky scent that smells like home. I mumble into his neck, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, so goddamn much. All of us have.” He presses a tender kiss to my hair and squeezes me tighter. “Don’t you ever fucking do that again, Briar.”

I huff a laugh. “I was barely conscious, but I do still remember your warning, Malachi.” A tiny flash of arousal burns through my core at the thought of him spanking me, but I shove it down because I’m in no shape for anything like that.

“Good,” he rumbles, sounding way too pleased with himself.

When we reach the double doors to the infirmary, Malachi pushes one door open with his hip. I let out a sigh of relief as his shoes clack on the burnished wood floors. I focus on the cream and gold walls that we pass by, trying to make it seem real that I’m free. If I never see another all-white room in my life, it’ll be too soon.

At the reminder of when he rescued me, I realize I forgot about Annabel. “Where’s Annabel? Is she okay?” I frantically look around like I can somehow find her in the middle of the Wyldhart mansion. All I see around me is a bunch of closed double doors and the grand staircase that leads up to the second floor.

Malachi hugs me to his chest in reassurance. “She’s fine. We reunited her with her family. Their pack was decimated by the Knights, so they’re staying here for a bit. They and the other packless shifters have the option to join our pack permanently, or we’ll help them find another one to transfer to.”

I sag in relief in his arms. “Can I see her soon? And where are Xander, Bastian, and Saint? And where’s Ava?”

As elated as I am to see Malachi, I still crave my other mates. A part of me wonders if they’re angry about how I took their choice away by forcing them through the portal and that’s why they don’t want to see me. I know he said they’re not, but it’s hard to believe him. I wouldn’t blame them if they still are, though.

Malachi’s gravelly voice pulls me out of my thoughts. “You can see her when you’re healed up. The twins and Saint left probably twenty minutes ago to debrief about the operation. We’ve all been by your side since we pulled you out of the facility, but there was only so long we could avoid the end-of-mission bureaucracy. Ava’s with my mom. We didn’t think you’d want her to see you injured.”

He’s right that I don’t want Ava to see me hurt. I’m the older sister. It’s my job to protect and worry about her, not the other way around. All the kids in the Knights facility made me simultaneously miss Ava like crazy and be glad she wasn’t there. It’s been at least a couple weeks since I’ve seen my little sister, but it feels like a lifetime.

Swallowing around the lump in my throat at how much I miss Ava, I ask, “How long has it been since you found me? And why aren’t you at the debrief?”

Malachi flashes me a smug grin as he reaches the stairs and takes them two at a time. “Being an alpha has its perks. It’s expected that I’ll send my betas in my place for meetings like this. And it’s been about thirty-six hours since you passed out.”

I snort at how pleased he is with himself before groaning at how long I’ve been unconscious. “If I’ve been asleep that long, why do I still feel like I’ve been trapped in a room with a very angry hammer-wielding Ryker?”

He walks down the hallway toward his room. “Who’s Ryker? And you feel like shit because you almost died. Again.” Malachi closes his eyes briefly, but not before I see the fear and anger swirling in them. “It takes longer than a day and a half to fully heal that much damage.”

We’re both silent as he pushes open the door to his room and carries me inside. The familiar navy walls instantly make me feel calmer. His cloud-like bed looks so comfortable after spending a couple weeks on a hard cot. Skirting around his graphite-colored upholstered couch, Malachi marches us over to the bed before setting me down.

He heads over to his dresser and pulls out one of his soft gray tees. Walking back to me, he wordlessly offers me the shirt. I struggle to get the hospital gown off without hurting myself. Sighing, Malachi grabs the fabric with both fists and tears it apart. He lets the pieces of the white, blue, and purple fabric flutter down as I gape at him.

Then I realize I’m sitting here in only my undies, so I hurry to pull on the shirt, much to Malachi’s amusement. Not that it’s anything he hasn’t seen before, but it still feels awkward to be mostly naked when he’s clothed. I resist the urge to bury my nose in the fabric that smells like him, having missed his campfire scent.

As soon as I have his tee on, he picks me up again and pulls back the dark blue comforter. He gently sets me down under the blankets before covering me and grabbing a few fluffy pillows to prop me up.

Once I’m settled, I realize I haven’t answered his question. “He was the main Knight who cornered us in the church. Ryker’s apparently in charge of all North American Knights, and he was the one running the experiment I was involved in. And I’m sorry, Malachi.”

“For what?” he whispers as he perches on the side of the bed. He cups my face in one hand and softly strokes his thumb along my cheekbone, staring at me like he can’t believe I’m really here.

That makes two of us.

I lean into his touch. While I went seven years without physical comfort like this, I’ve gotten used to it from my mates in the past couple months. I’ve missed it more than I allowed myself to really acknowledge while I was with the Knights. “For worrying you. For getting us into the situation in the first place. For not thinking of a better way to get us out of there.”

He leans his forehead against mine, not saying anything for a long moment. I feel all my tight muscles relax at his closeness, and I take my first deep breath in what feels like forever. I don’t know how long we sit there, just soaking each other in, but I never want it to end. The only thing that would make it better is having all my mates here.

“Don’t apologize.” Malachi’s voice is gruff when he eventually pulls back. “None of it was your fault. We were all in a shitty situation, and we did the best we could. All that matters is that you’re back.”

I give him a small nod, not feeling like I did the best I could but not wanting to argue. I feel my eyelids start to droop, the trip up here wearing me out more than I would’ve thought. “Will you hold me?” My voice wobbles at the thought of being alone again.

“Of course, baby girl.” He pushes the extra pillows out from under me and helps me lie down. After shucking his faded jeans, Malachi gets in bed and crawls over to me. Tugging me flush against his hard body, he throws an arm over my chest and pushes a leg between mine. I’m already drifting off into an exhausted sleep when I hear him murmur, “I’m never fucking letting you go again.”

* * *

“How’s my patient feeling today?” an enthusiastic voice booms, startling me when it feels like I just closed my eyes a moment ago.

I jerk upright—or at least I try to. The heavy arm draped around my chest prevents my sudden movement. Malachi untangles himself from me and helps me sit up with only a bit of pain. I see Dr. Stone making his way over to me, his wrinkled face and sparse white hair familiar.

“I’m doing great.” I try to keep my voice cheery so Dr. Stone believes me. In my peripheral vision, I see Malachi roll his eyes, but I do my best to ignore him.

Dr. Stone narrows his eyes on me as he tries to smooth his rumpled doctor’s coat, which looks like he hasn’t had a chance to take it off in days. I’m guessing he’s been busy tending to all the shifters the Knights were keeping. “Really? That’s an amazing feat of healing if you can recover from a stab wound, two bullet holes, and life-threatening blood loss in less than two days.”

I shrug and do my best not to wince at how the movement pulls at my abdomen. “I’ve always had fast healing.”

“Uh-huh.” The doctor shakes his head at me before rummaging in his black bag and pulling out a collection of instruments to poke and prod me with. When his hand shoots out toward me, I flinch back into Malachi. My cheeks burn as I see realization, and perhaps a little pity, dawn on Dr. Stone’s face. “Oh. I’m sorry, Briar. I should’ve been more considerate, and that’s on me. If you’re uncomfortable with me examining you, perhaps your mate could take your vitals? If not, that’s fine. As long as you answer my questions honestly, I can assess you that way, too. I just want to make sure we’re not missing any internal damage.”

I close my eyes. I want to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment that I just let a practical stranger see me flinch. I thought I had been less bothered by sudden movements lately, but I guess the Knights’ experiments changed that.

I don’t even know why what the Knights did is affecting me so much. Sure, the daily beatings Ryker gave me hurt like hell, but it’s nothing I didn’t know how to handle. But it wasn’t just the physical violence, it was having complete strangers jabbing strange instruments into me, forcefully inspecting me, and slapping me around if I didn’t comply.

I was powerless to do anything about it because the kids would get hurt if I did. It was just a little too easy to slip back into the habits that kept me safe with Patrick while with the Knights.

Malachi grasps my chin and tilts my head toward him. When I don’t open my eyes, he rumbles, “Look at me, Briar.” Unable to ignore his command, I blink open my eyes. “Do you need me to take your vitals?”

I shake my head. “I’m fine,” I protest, not wanting them to see how much I’m struggling. I’m one of the lucky ones. I got out of there alive. My lip trembles as Jake’s lifeless face swims in my thoughts, but I shove those thoughts into one of the boxes in my mind. I’m not strong enough to deal with it right now.

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” Malachi growls as he gets in my face. “It’s okay not to be okay, baby girl. You were kidnapped, experimented on, almost killed, and tortured if I’m guessing correctly. Anyone would be messed up from what you went through. No one expects you to be fine.”

“Nothing happened to me,” I whisper, the guilt trying to swallow me whole. “I’m alive, unlike the others. I tried to protect them, but it didn’t work.” When my voice breaks, I try to look away, but Malachi’s grip on my face won’t let me.

“Oh, baby girl.” Malachi pulls me into his chest, letting the few tears that escape soak into his faded black tee. He rubs a hand soothingly over my back as my shoulders shake with sobs I refuse to let out. “It’s not your fault.”

I pull back and shake off his hands. “If I had shifted sooner, he’d still be here!” I scream at Malachi and then instantly regret it. None of this is his fault. I scrub my hands over my face and lock my rage and sorrow and anguish away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” My voice comes out empty, but I don’t have it in me to pretend to be okay.

“You absolutely should’ve, Briar.” My eyes dart up to his in shock. Instead of anger, Malachi is just gazing at me with determination and what looks a little like love. “Yell at me. Throw things at me. Hell, even hit me like Bastian does if it makes you feel better. Just don’t bottle it all up and let it eat away at you. You have me. You have us. Let us help you.”

“That’s not a healthy way to deal with it,” I object. Just because I’m struggling doesn’t mean it’s okay to take it out on other people.

“It’s sure as hell healthier than keeping it inside. Sometimes, when it hurts so damn much it feels like it’s suffocating you, you just have to let the pain out, any way you can. All of us have been there, and we won’t judge you for snapping or breaking down or losing it. It’s normal, expected, and part of healing. You’ll never heal if you never deal with it, though.”

“I’m scared,” I breathe.

Malachi tilts his head in confusion. “Of what?”

“If I let it all out, I’ll never surface again.” I can’t just open one of the boxes in my mind that I lock my feelings away in. Once I start letting feelings out of one, I know the rest will come pouring out in a massive tsunami wave that’ll destroy everything in its path. I don’t think I’ve ever been strong enough to survive it but especially not right now when I’m barely hanging on as it is.

“We won’t let that happen, baby girl.” Malachi slides his hands under my shirt to rest his palms on my bare hips. I shiver at the contact. His touch both soothes me and causes a tiny flare of arousal to shoot through me. “If you go under, we’ll be there to pull you back out. You won’t have to handle any of it alone. But you also don’t have to start dealing with it right this second. Your body still needs time to heal up.”

I open my mouth to respond, but the door to his room crashes open. Bastian storms inside, his eyes darting around frantically and his face lined with panic.