Page 14

CHAPTER 14

brIAR

“Q uiet!” Malachi barks in his alpha voice. Bastian and Xander instantly fall silent, and Saint follows suit of his own volition. Taking a deep breath, Malachi brushes some of my hair off my forehead before asking, “What do you mean?”

As much as I want to keep my eyes shut to hide from it all, I have to own up to what I did. Reluctantly blinking open my eyes, I stare blankly at the ceiling as I admit, “I shifted before I was rescued. That’s all Ryker needed to strengthen the curse to all shifters.”

“Fuck,” Xander hisses under his breath.

“I know I messed up, okay? I didn’t have any other choice. Ryker was going to kill another kid if I didn’t do it.” My voice wobbles. I free my hand from Bastian and throw an arm over my eyes to prevent any of the unshed tears from getting loose. The bolt of pain that shoots through me at the movement helps soothe some of my racing thoughts as I desperately try not to think about everything that led up to it all.

For all the death my life has been steeped in, I’ve never actually seen someone killed in front of me. Sure, I killed Patrick, but I didn’t really see it. He also deserved it a thousand times over. A helpless teenager being shot right in front of me is a hell of a lot different. No matter how hard I try to shove it away, I can’t get how scared Jake was and how badly I let him down out of my head.

“Sweetheart, look at me.” When I don’t comply with Xander’s softly spoken order, he gently pries my arm away from my face. Dark green eyes filled with concern hover over me as Xander’s gaze bounces around my face. “I wasn’t blaming you or judging you. It’s a shitty situation, but I know you did your absolute best.”

I’m already shaking my head before he even finishes. “If I did my best, he would still be here.”

“You don’t know that, pretty girl.” I open my mouth to argue with Bastian but stop when he raises a brow at me. “It’s easy to make yourself sick with what you could’ve done, but the reality is that you weren’t in control of the situation. You did everything you could in the circumstances you were in. And sometimes, it’s still not enough to save yourself or others, no matter how fucking much you wish it were.”

I don’t know what it is about what Bastian says, but it opens the floodgates. The tears I was desperately trying to hold back start pouring down my face. A sob lodges in my throat as I think about the people I’ve lost that I was powerless to save—my dad, my mom, almost Xander, Jake, and the other shifters in the facility who died while I was there. Thinking about it all makes my chest feel like someone attacked it with a sledgehammer, leaving my heart a bloody, pulverized mess.

“Why?” I choke out. “Why wasn’t I enough to save them?”

“Oh, little shadow.” Saint lies down with me, and I turn my head to look at him. Cupping the back of my head, he presses our foreheads together as he desperately tries to comfort me. “As fucked up as it is, that’s the way life is sometimes. People leave, no matter how much we want and need them to stay. It hurts when they leave, not because we failed them, but because they left a hole in us that can’t be filled by anyone or anything else. Caring about them changed us, and that hurts for a while. I’m not sure that pain ever fully goes away, but it will get easier, baby. I promise.”

Tears keep streaming down my cheeks as I process Saint’s words. The ragged hole in my chest and the crushing sense of failure make it feel like it will always hurt so much it’s hard to breathe.

Everything I should’ve done differently to save my parents and Jake wars with Saint’s words telling me that it doesn’t hurt because I failed them. It hurts because they meant something to me, which doesn’t really make the pain shred my insides any less. But it does give me hope that one day I won’t be drowning in it all.

“Is she stitched up?” Malachi demands as I silently cry. Through blurry eyes, I see Xander nod. Then I feel Malachi’s hands under my shoulders. I only have time to widen my eyes before I’m hauled up and into his lap with my legs to either side of his waist. He tangles his fingers in my hair and presses my face into his neck. “Please don’t cry, baby girl.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumble into his neck as my tears soak into his shirt for the second time today.

He huffs a laugh. “Don’t apologize. I just hate seeing you hurting so much. If I could take it all away for you, I would.”

“I know,” I whisper past the lump in my throat. “But there are just some things in the world you can’t fix, no matter how much you want to.”

“Yeah,” he rasps into my hair as he hugs me to him. He rubs his other hand soothingly along my back as he offers me wordless comfort, which is exactly what I need right now. At some point, I feel someone move behind me. From his winter berry scent, I can tell it’s Saint who rests his forehead on my upper back and cups his hands around my hips. Bastian and Xander press up against me on either side so that I’m completely surrounded by my mates.

I don’t know how long I sit on Malachi’s lap before my tears dry up and I finally feel able to pull myself together. While all of it still hurts, it hurts a tiny bit less. Somehow, that little bit of lightness from Saint’s words and my mates’ comfort makes it all easier to bear.

When I’m sure my voice will stay steady, I lift my head off Malachi’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for falling apart.”

Bastian captures my chin between his thumb and fingers when I swing my gaze to him. “Stop apologizing for shit that’s not your fault, pretty girl. It’s okay to cry or scream or break apart. It’s okay to let out your emotions, and it’s so much more than okay to do that all in front of us. We’re your mates. We’re here for you, through everything. We want all of it, not just when things are good and easy but also when it’s hard and you don’t think you can go on.”

I give him a watery smile at his heartfelt words. “You’re really sweet, you know that?”

Bastian barks out a laugh. “Only for you, sweet girl. Only for you.”

For a few moments longer, I soak in my mates’ comfort. Eventually, I pull back and stare up at Malachi. It’s too easy to get lost in his deep blue eyes that always swirl with his emotions around me. Shaking my head at myself, I ask, “What are we going to do about Ryker?”

“We’ll figure it out, baby girl, but you need to rest first. You’re not going to be able to stop him until you heal up.”

I narrow my eyes at Malachi for making a good point that I can’t really argue with. The last thing my mind wants to do is laze around, but my body already feels drained from everything. Reluctantly, I nod.

He gives me a big smile as he lifts me up and knee walks to get off the bed. I’m impressed that he’s able to clamber off the mattress and out of our puppy pile while still holding me. Malachi takes me over to the dresser and gives me a set of fresh, non-bloody clothes to change into.

I start heading to the bathroom to change and freshen up a bit before going back to sleep. Malachi moves to pick me up again, but I pin him with a glare. “I can walk to the freaking bathroom on my own, Malachi Wyldhart.”

He grinds his teeth but doesn’t make a move to stop me. After I’ve changed and brushed my teeth, I hobble back to the bed to see Malachi and Xander already under the covers. Saint and Bastian are standing to the side in their boxers and tees waiting for me to get in. Carefully climbing in and making sure not to strain my stitches, I settle in facing away from Malachi who spoons me. Saint lies down on my other side with Bastian behind him. Safe and sound between my mates, I drift off into a hopefully dreamless sleep.

* * *

“Rosie!” a way too cheery voice calls, startling me from a deep sleep.

I bolt upright at the sound and then immediately regret my life choices as pain zings through my stomach. It only takes me a moment to realize the voice came from Ava, who’s currently hurtling toward me. As she nears the bed, I close my eyes and brace myself for a collision that doesn’t come.

When I peek open my eyes, I see Ava standing at the foot of the bed with her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised at me. “Did you really think I would jump on you when you’re hurt, Rosie? I’m thirteen, not three.”

I snort at her exasperation. “You’re right, how silly of me. You’re practically an adult,” I tease. Glancing behind Ava, I see Aunt Abbie watching us with a soft smile on her face. I give her a small one in return.

Ava puffs up her chest and gives me a haughty look, her hazel eyes sparkling with amusement. “I know you’re making fun of me. I’m gonna choose to ignore that and pretend you agree with me.”

While Ava and I are talking, Bastian and Saint roll out of bed and Malachi and Xander remain where they are. Bastian and Saint hastily grab their jeans discarded on the floor and pull them on. Saint heads off to the bathroom while Bastian walks over to give his mom a hug and speak quietly with her.

Now that it’s clear, Ava rushes around the bed and crawls over the covers so that she’s lying right next to me. I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her strawberry blonde hair that’s so like our mom’s. “I missed you, Bun Bun.”

Holding her like this brings up the bittersweet memories of how much I used to do this. She rarely spent a night in her own room at Patrick’s house. Now that we’re not living there anymore, neither of us need the comfort as much. I miss getting the chance to hold her as often, though.

Ava’s slight frame trembles in my arms as she clutches at the back of my shirt. “I missed you too, Rosie. I wasn’t sure if you were ever coming home,” she admits in a small voice.

I reflexively squeeze her tighter to try to reassure her, forgetting that my stomach is currently being held together with suture thread and hopes and dreams. Wincing, I loosen my hold and try to figure out what to say to make her feel better. “You can’t get rid of me that easily,” I try to joke to lighten the mood.

Pulling back, Ava rolls her eyes at me and a hint of a smile plays around her lips. She shakes her head at me before sobering. “Are you okay?”

“Yep. I’m pretty much good as new.” I try to keep my tone light to distract from the fact that I’m definitely not even close to being fully healed. Malachi scoffs behind me, but I ignore him to give Ava a bright smile.

She looks at me skeptically before shrugging and laying her head back on my shoulder. I run my fingers through her hair as I enjoy having my little sister here with me, safe and whole.

“I’m so glad you’re home, honey,” Abbie tells me, her voice filled with sincerity. “If you’re feeling better, they could use your help with going over some of the post-mission details.”

“She doesn’t feel well enough to go.” Malachi’s tone brooks no argument.

I grind my teeth at Malachi being bossy as usual and answering for me. “She was asking me, not you, Malachi. And I do feel up to going, for your information,” I grumble. I am actually feeling better. I’m not sure how long I slept, but I feel stronger and less worn out. My abdomen also doesn’t feel like someone’s shoving a live wire in it, so I’m fairly confident I’m on the mend.

“We talked about this, Briar,” Malachi growls. “You need to fucking rest and heal. You’ve already torn your stitches once today. I am not letting that happen again.”

I scrub the hand not playing with Ava’s hair over my face as I try to find the patience to deal with him. “I know you’re worried about me, but that doesn’t give you license to control me. If you had asked, you’d know that I’m feeling a lot better after sleeping. I’m already starting to go stir-crazy and could use a bit of distraction. All I’m saying I want to do is walk down to the dining room and sit in a chair, not run a marathon or hunt down Ryker.”

He clenches his jaw as his navy eyes bounce between mine before he deflates. “I’m sorry, Briar. You’re right that I can’t make that choice for you. I just can’t stand seeing you hurt again. I’ve seen you bloody and beaten and lying lifeless on the floor too many fucking times. I can’t do it again.”

My annoyance toward him softens at the pain and worry in his voice. “I’m sorry, Malachi. I promise I’m not going to get hurt. You’re going to be right there with me, I assume. So, the second I feel any pain, I’ll tell you, okay? And afterward I promise to eat a bunch and then go straight to sleep.”

Malachi lets out a humorless laugh. “If you think I’m letting you out of my sight anytime in the next century, baby girl, you don’t know me very well. Of course I’ll be there with you, and I guess that’s a reasonable compromise.”

“I never thought I’d see the day that the great Malachi Wyldhart compromises with anyone,” Bastian teases.

After flipping him off when their mom isn’t looking, Malachi leans down to press a quick kiss to my lips before he and Xander hop out of bed. Ava giggles at the show of affection. I smile at her as she scoots off the bed. I attempt to follow her, but Xander’s there to gently pick me up and set me on my feet.

If it were anyone but Xander, I’d probably complain a little. With him, I just smile and whisper, “Thanks.” I’m not as incapable of everyday things as my mates seem to think. I managed to do everything for myself and Ava with worse injuries than this, but I do appreciate their concern.

He gives me a heart-stopping smile that leaves me momentarily dazed. “Anytime, sweetheart.”

Shaking my head, I wander over to the closet to get dressed. In less than ten minutes, we’re all ready to go. I’m wearing a borrowed pair of baggy gray sweatpants and a cozy pale blue sweater. Xander was worried about tight pants putting too much pressure on my injury. So, here I am, wearing sweats that are at least three sizes too big. Oh well. I’m not trying to win any fashion awards.

We make it down the stairs and to the makeshift command center without incident. Ava skips off once we’re on the main floor after promising to come check on me later.

Malachi pushes open the double mahogany doors. I’m surprised to see probably fifty people milling around the space. All of them stop to stare at us as we walk in. My cheeks burn at being the center of attention. I duck my head and try to pretend there aren’t a metric shit ton of people watching me right now.

Before we can get very far into the room, a burly, black-haired mage barrels toward us. Rhys Gallagher’s hazel eyes are filled with concern as he comes to a stop in front of us. “Can I talk to you somewhere else, Briar?”

“Um,” I start but don’t get the chance to say anything else because Malachi butts in.

“What’s this about, Gallagher?” Malachi barks.

Rhys runs rough fingers through his dark hair. He opens and closes his mouth as he tries to figure out what to say before he shakes his head. Pulling out his phone, he types on it for a moment before turning the screen my way.

I know about your mage magic. I assume you don’t want every shifter here to know, so can we go somewhere else to talk?

My eyes jump up to his as my breath stalls in my chest.

Well, this isn’t good.

I’m pretty sure mage-shifter hybrids are frowned on by the mage council. Anyone found possessing forbidden magic, like mine, is automatically executed by the ruling mages. I’m also almost positive Rhys’s dad has a seat on the council, so there’s every chance they could already know.

It’d be cool if the universe would chill the fuck out and stop throwing things at me. That doesn’t seem likely to happen anytime soon, so I reluctantly follow Rhys out of the dining room. My steps drag as I prepare to find out what he’s going to do with that piece of information he shouldn’t even know.