CHAPTER 2

SAINT

I t’s been a day since my little shadow was taken. A day since I didn’t protect her. A day since I failed her in the worst way possible.

Since we lost her, I can’t feel anything other than all-consuming grief. I can’t think about anything other than Briar and the tears streaming down her face the last time I saw her. I can’t get all the things I never got to say to her out of my head.

With the mate bond, I should be able to locate Briar. Either because the Knights have protection spells or because our bond is too new, I can only narrow it down to thousands of square miles in a remote part of northern Canada. With how cold it is and how unpredictable the weather is in late December, we’ve ruled out an aerial search. It would take way more mage power than we have to keep a helicopter operational for that long. It’ll take us weeks to comb through that much land, but we at least have a starting place.

“When do we leave?” I ask in a hollow voice from my place at the large dining table we’re using as a makeshift command center.

Briar’s other mates and Rhys Gallagher, one of the founders of Elemental Security, are the only ones left now that we have a plan. Elemental Security is one of, if not the best mage security and intelligence outfits in the country. I work for Elemental often in a freelance capacity, always taking jobs I can do alone. They’re based near Hawthorne Grove and run by genuinely good people.

I work with three other mage security companies as a freelance security consultant because I like the option to do whatever work strikes my fancy. I’m particularly partial to cases where I help supernaturals find their missing mates.

I’ve been doing freelance work for two years now. Being able to help people and make a difference is one of the things that pulled me up from my self-destructive spiral I fell into after my parents died and Briar left.

Since I hurt too much to care much about staying alive, I got myself into all types of shit I shouldn’t have. The only upside about going off the rails is that I learned the skills I use to help people now, like hand-to-hand combat, tracking, using various weapons, and entering and exiting locations undetected.

Rhys was the one who approached me about working for Elemental and, unbeknownst to him, started to pull me out of my spiral. Hitting rock bottom is what finally snapped me out of it, but that’s not a day I like to think about. I push down the memories of lying on the dirty concrete, my body broken and bloody, the sneering faces above me, and just how close I came to never getting to reunite with my little shadow.

He’s become a close friend over the past two years. Although, I reconsider our friendship when he says, “ We leave in a couple hours. You are staying here, along with Briar’s other mates.”

“What?” I growl as I shove to my feet, the chair clattering backward as I do. “No, I’m fucking not. I’m going with you.”

To my surprise, none of the wolves complain, at least vocally. All of them look like they want to argue but are biting their tongues.

Rhys slides a hand through his close-cropped dark brown hair in exasperation as he rounds the table to come stand next to me. I’m an inch taller than Rhys. He more than makes up for it, though, with how muscular he is, his bulk approaching shifter size. “Yes, you are. This is my operation, McAlister. I get what you’re going through, I really do, but you’re not useful to your mate like this.”

Acid bubbles in my chest at him telling me he understands what I’m feeling. If he did, he wouldn’t be trying to stop me from going after Briar. “You don’t understand. You don’t have a mate.” I know my words are a low blow as soon as they leave my mouth.

The part of me that can feel anything other than crushing grief feels guilty for hurting him. But that part of me is so far down that I make no move to apologize.

Rhys flinches minutely. He’s been looking for his mate for years without any success. While mages generally marry for power, his family seems to prefer finding mates. Both him and his younger brother, Aiden, are so focused on finding their mates they hardly date.

“Trust me, I’m aware, McAlister.” Rhys clenches his jaw and crosses his arms as he stares me down. “I still have family I care about and can understand how badly you want to help, but you’ll just be in the way.”

I scoff at him. “So you’d just sit back and do nothing if it were your sister? Your brother? Your mom?”

“You’re damn right I would. I’d want to go after them, but I’d care more about their safety than my own ego.” Rhys shakes his head like he’s disappointed in me. That makes two of us. My chest feels like it’s been shredded by a machine gun from the weight of how badly I let Briar down. I should’ve been strong enough to resist her magic. I should’ve gotten her out of there sooner. I should’ve done a million things differently, but I didn’t. Now she’s paying the price.

I’d give anything to trade places with her, but I can’t. All of my pent-up anger and frustration and devastation boil over at Rhys as I get in his face. I shove at his shoulders, knocking him back a step. “You think I care more about my ego than the girl I’ve been in love with for as long as I can remember? The other half of my soul?” I shout at him. “You know what? You can go fuck yourself, Rhys.”

He raises a dark eyebrow at me, wordlessly asking me if I really want to do this with him right now. Rhys Gallagher is a fucking powerhouse. All of the Gallaghers, one of the original mage families of Hawthorne Grove, are—other than Rhys’s little sister Isabel. She’s one of the unlucky few mages born without any magic. Since most mages in Hawthorne Grove only care about power, she gets treated like shit by most of them, despite being a better person than the rest of them combined.

With Rhys being one of the most powerful mages I’ve ever met, I have no idea who would win if we got into a power fight. I’m pretty strong, but Rhys just might be stronger.

“You’re sure acting like it,” Rhys accuses as he steps back into my space, finally losing his patience with me. His hazel eyes are narrowed on me and burning with frustration. “Are you really willing to be the reason why we fail to save your mate?”

“I know I failed her!” I roar at him, my voice breaking on the last word. “I know it’s my fucking fault she was taken.”

Rhys’s eyes widen. His expression lights with understanding, and he deflates. He backs up a step and doesn’t make any move to retaliate. I grind my jaw, wanting him to rise to the bait. I want him to kick my ass like I deserve.

Rhys opens his mouth to respond, but Xander beats him to it as he comes to stand between the two of us. “You need to walk it off, Saint. We’re all hurting. We’re all missing Briar. We’re all beating ourselves up. You can take it out on me or Bastian or Kai, but you need to let the mage do his damn job. You’re wasting time we can’t afford to waste right now.”

It’s the moody wolf whose words finally get through to me. Xander’s expression wars between devastation and determination as he stares me down with his arms crossed over his broad chest. Unlike me, he’s putting what Briar needs above what he needs right now.

I close my eyes briefly as I realize he’s right. I’m being a selfish asshole sitting here arguing about who gets to look for Briar. It doesn’t matter who searches for her. All that matters is bringing her home safely.

Rhys has years more experience in the field. And, honestly, if the roles were reversed, I’d make the same decision, as much as it pains me to admit. Giving Xander a curt nod, I turn on my heel and storm out of the room without another word.

While I don’t know the layout of the Wyldhart mansion very well, it doesn’t take me long to find one of the many doors to their backyard. I yank open the glass door and stalk out into the cold December afternoon. Placing my hands on my head, I inhale a lungful of cool air, breathing in the scent of rainstorms and pine trees. It doesn’t help.

Without a destination in mind, I make my way to the forest at the edge of the grassy area and aimlessly walk through the dense trees for a while. When I find myself in a small clearing with a creek running through it, I wander over to it and lower myself down to the creek bed. I rest my elbows on my bent knees and put my head in my hands as I drown in my worry for Briar. I’m stuck here, doing nothing, while who knows what is happening to my little shadow.

I’ve only been wallowing for five or so minutes when I hear footsteps behind me. “Hey, man.” Bastian sits down next to me and stares at the rushing water for a long moment before turning to me. “I just wanted to check on you and make sure you’re okay. I know things got heated with the Elemental dude.”

I let out a bitter laugh as I turn to pin him with an incredulous stare. “Okay?” I rasp. “How can I possibly be okay when the Knights have our mate?”

Bastian scrubs a hand over his face and brushes his messy blond hair off his forehead. Instead of his typical mirth, his dark green eyes shine with concern. “Yeah, I guess that was a dumb question.” He’s silent for a beat before blowing out a breath. “We’re going to get her home, man, I promise.”

“How? How can you possibly promise that? We can’t even find her right now.” I clench my fists by my side, my nails digging in hard enough to draw blood. I’m the reason we can’t find her.

Bastian bumps his shoulder into mine. “We did find her. You narrowed it down from the entire world to only like eight thousand square miles in Canada. We have the best trackers in the pack and some of the best mages in the country working on it. Our guys will find her in no time, but it’s because of you we even know where to look.”

“But I should be the one looking for her,” I protest.

“Why?” he presses.

“Because I’m her mate.”

Bastian pins me with an uncharacteristically serious look. “Yeah, and as her mate, it’s your duty to put what’s good for my pretty girl over what you want. By letting Rhys, Bryce, and their teams search for her, you’re doing exactly what you should.”

I hang my head as Bastian’s words tumble around in my head. I know he’s right. I know all that matters is finding her, and I know I’m too emotionally invested in the outcome to contribute to the search. “I feel so helpless,” I whisper.

Bastian stretches his arms behind him and leans back on his hands. He looks at me briefly before staring up at the clear sky that’s much too cheerful for the situation. “We all do, Saint. It fucking sucks. I hate it, and my wolf is going ballistic demanding we go find our mate right this instant. Since we can’t charge to her rescue right now, all we can do is stay in top shape so we’re ready to take down the Knights and get Briar home.”

My lips tip up in a cruel smile as I imagine all the ways I’ll rip the Knights apart for daring to touch my mate. I’m not sure what it says about me that violence makes me feel a little better, but oh well. It’s hard to care about that, or anything really, when Briar’s gone.

Now that I’ve cooled down some, I groan. “I need to apologize to Rhys.”

Barking out a laugh, Bastian pushes to his feet and offers me a hand up. “Yeah, ya do, mage. You were kind of a dick to him.”

I take his hand and let him pull me up. I’m not surprised that he’s able to haul me up without a problem. I’m bulky for a mage, but I’m still smaller than the shifters. “Thanks for the hand up… and for checking on me.”

“Anytime, Saint. You’re one of us now, part of the family. We look after our own.” Bastian slaps me on the back and starts walking through the forest back to the Wyldhart house. Realizing I don’t know how to get back, I hurry to follow him.

A lump forms in my throat at Bastian’s solemn words. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like part of a family. I’ve been too scared to get close to anyone after losing my parents and Briar, but the loneliness has been slowly eating away at me.

“Thanks.” My voice comes out choked up, but Bastian doesn’t comment on it. He just flashes me a grin over his shoulder, and we walk the rest of the way in silence.

When we get back to the house, I start toward Rhys’s makeshift command center. I’m betting that’s where I’ll find him.

“Come find me after you talk to the mage,” Bastian calls before I get too far. “Staying busy will help, so I’m sure we can find some way to help with the search from here.”

I give him a nod and a half smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. That smile’s the most genuine one I’ve had in the last twenty-four hours though.

When I reach the dining room, it’s empty except for Rhys. He’s bent over a stack of papers, his laptop open next to him. He’s so absorbed in his work that he doesn’t notice my approach until I’m standing in front of him. Raising his eyebrows, he eyes me warily. “You back to start the fight you were so clearly itching for, McAlister?”

Huffing a laugh because I deserve that, I shake my head. “No. I just wanted to say that you were right, and I’m sorry.”

The tension drains out of his broad shoulders as he stands, unfolding to his full height. “You’re good. I get that this isn’t what you wanted, so I understand your frustration.”

“It was still crossing a line, Rhys. I know I work for you, but I consider you a friend. You didn’t deserve what I said.”

Rhys flashes me a rare smile. “You’re a hard man to get to know, but I consider you a friend, too, McAlister.” He sobers as he leans his hip against the long oak table. “We will find her. I vow on everything I am that I won’t stop until we find your mate and bring her home.”

For some reason, I believe him. I just can’t shake the feeling that we’ll be too late to bring my little shadow home whole.