Page 40 of Free Fall #1

“What?” I gasp, and start to protest, but when he leans down and his tongue touches me, I just give up and let it happen. Because, fuck, it feels so good.

I card my trembling fingers through his hair and quake as he urgently cleans me up down there. I feel tears prick in my eyes, and they slide out. I haven’t cried while being fucked in a few encounters, and I’d thought I was past that. But this is different. These tears are something more.

When he leans back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he seems to know these tears are special too. He seems to grow worried. “Was that all right? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

I shake my head and pull him down beside me.

He doesn’t settle, though, concern etching his features. “What’s wrong? Tell me.” He nuzzles my cheek again. “Sejin, talk to me.”

“I think I love you,” I say. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear that. But I think I do.”

“Well,” he says slowly, his lips flattening into a bit of a frown and then relaxing again. “It’s not that big of a problem.”

“It’s not?”

“Nah. Because I think I love you too.” He kisses me, and his mouth tastes of his cum and my ass, but I don’t care. Another tear slips out and trails down my cheek.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he says. “I just can’t get enough of you. I won’t eat it out of you again if you don’t like it.”

“I like it,” I whisper. “I’m not crying about that.”

“Then what are you crying about?”

I laugh. “I just told you.”

“You’re crying because you think you might love me?” he asks, looking baffled.

“Yeah, and I don’t quite know what to do about it.”

He frowns. “You don’t do anything about it. It changes nothing.”

I swallow even harder. “I know. I guess that’s part of it. It changes nothing.”

Dan touches my chin, then my cheeks, and he says, “I mean, I guess it changes what you might do after Peggy Jo comes back…”

“Let’s not talk about that yet,” I say. “I’m still stuck on what we just did and what we just said. Let’s let that sink in first.”

“Sink in.” Dan smirks. “I can’t wait to sink into you again. Give me two hours. Then we’re gonna flip-fuck the opposite way, and you can come in me this time.”

“Alright,” I agree, exhaustion sucking me under.

He tucks a warm blanket around me before grabbing a book from the shelves behind his head. “Go to sleep,” he says, like it’s an order, and cracks open the book.

The rain hammers the top of the van, and I watch his eyes move over the pages for a few minutes before the heavy pull of sexual satisfaction, emotional upheaval, and the lull of the rain tugs me into sleep.

I dream of climbing a tall, white wall of polished granite. It’s dark and I can only see a few feet above and below me. I’m scared to look down, and I know that Dan’s somewhere up ahead, free soloing. He’s left me behind as he forges on. He’s climbing so fast that I know I can’t reach him.

I’m alone on the wall.

*

Dan

We fuck bareback two more times because neither of us can believe how good it feels or that we’re actually doing it.

To me, it’s probably the best feeling I’ve ever experienced outside of that brief burst of delicious victory when I’ve sent a difficult new route without a single fall, or the first time I ever saw that special smile of Sejin’s aimed right at me.

These feelings I have when I’m inside Sejin, when he’s open to my cock and open emotionally too, are the wildest things I’ve ever experienced.

I feel utterly high from them. Like I’ve licked meth off Sejin’s skin and heroin from his leaking dick and molly from his asshole.

I feel like I’m going to lift up into the sky and fly, but at the same time I don’t want to stop wallowing in the earthly flesh and taste of him and the sounds of his pleasure.

I also like not -fucking Sejin—being alone with him, reading together, cuddling, laughing, and listening to him rattle on about whatever he wants.

But I am absolutely in love with fucking Sejin, especially raw.

I might also be in love with the way he says “Oh, fuck, I love you” when I’m plowing him so perfectly he leaks pre-cum and tears in equal measure.

And the way he clings to me when it’s over.

And the way he rides my fingers because he feels empty without my dick.

And the pulse beating in his throat, and the silky sound of his fucked-out laugh, and…ugh, so much more.

Rye was right when he said I shouldn’t do something as risky as free soloing Heart Route without letting myself truly enjoy Sejin first. I can’t imagine if the worst happened and I’d never gotten to feel this way, to experience this sloppy, messy, layer cake of emotions.

Because that’s what this time with Sejin is—cake.

The delicious part of life that makes the rest worth enduring.

I hadn’t been lying earlier when I said I was in love with him, though I never intended for him to know that.

Now it’s out there. He thinks he loves me.

I think I love him. We’re boyfriends. We fuck raw.

This is a real thing that’s happening. And…

well, it hits me a little belatedly that it’s kind of a lot of responsibility.

I have Sejin’s body and heart in my hands.

He has mine in his.

What does it mean if I fuck up out there on Heart Route and leave him empty-handed?

I’m terrified I might only find out the answer as I’m plummeting to my death and no one wants that. Least of all me.