Page 31

CHAPTER 31

Frankie

Freezing cold water ran over my body and I hissed in a breath. I hated the cold but I could almost breathe again now that my body was cooling down.

Tipping my head back, I closed my eyes and forced my breathing to regulate.

Logic returned as his scent was washed away and with it came the guilt.

I can’t believe I did that.

Jesus. What was wrong with me? Was I really that desperate for attention that I let him get me off ? In my own fucking house?

I was supposed to be mentoring him. Helping him find his place at Genesis while Lucy was off on her honeymoon.

Not fuck him.

And he was an alpha. Even if I overlooked everything else, I couldn’t overlook that.

It’s only been four months since I reclaimed my legacy and here I was, cheating on my fake fiancé. Not that River cared. She actually kept encouraging me to find other partners but Jesus Christ .

The icy water was doing its job and easing the throbbing between my legs, but it didn’t cool down the heat in my eyes.

At least I didn’t cry when I came for him.

Hot shame filled me and I could feel the tears burning my cheeks. I fucking hated how easy it was for me to cry. I was an alpha. I wasn’t supposed to be like this.

So how did Soren make it so fucking hard to ignore how much I wanted to be like this?

He’d disarmed me with his quiet reassurance, making it easy to let him take over instead of doing my usual bullshit.

Soren’s tenderness had shocked me enough to realize just how fucking dangerous he was.

He had this quiet, gentle presence that was so at odds with just how big he was. His arms were the size of my thighs and I could see every single one of his abs thanks to how his shirts were always so tight they were practically painted on.

When he’d held my foot, the sheer size of his hands had made me feel tiny without feeling threatened. I liked being in the same room as him and I liked knowing he cared about me enough to worry about me even though he didn’t have to.

His presence may be unobtrusive but I was constantly aware of him. His one red eye seemed to glow at me through the strands of his black hair, always watching. The other eye was just as bewitching with its small splash of red and I kept finding myself staring at him.

Just having him around made it easier to breathe but I couldn’t let myself get used to this.

One day soon, he’d be reassigned and things would go back to the way they were before.

Even if that didn’t happen and Soren ended up becoming my new, permanent partner, he was my junior. I was responsible for him and it was my job to make sure he survived out in the field.

Let’s say I ignored that aspect…he was still a young alpha and nothing about my reaction to him was normal.

As the older alpha, I should be the one to take care of him, but I kept finding myself being taken care of.

Which I desperately wanted no matter how much I tried to deny it.

I scrubbed the scent of his pheromones and mine from my skin until it was almost as red as my hair before I was satisfied. If I couldn’t smell him anymore, maybe I’d stop being so weak .

Everything about Soren was like a balm to my ragged soul and now that I knew what it felt like to be held by him…

I threw the washcloth and it hit the wall with a smack before sliding down to land in a pitiful heap.

Why did I have to be like this? Why couldn’t I just be happy that I was a strong alpha from a world-renowned legacy pack? Both my fathers loved me with their whole hearts and my brother was the most loyal, kind person I’ve ever met.

I even had a powerful legacy alpha begging to be mine for over fifteen years.

But I kept isolating myself because I didn’t think I could be what they needed – I couldn’t be the perfect alpha no matter how hard I tried. I didn’t want to be the perfect alpha, but what else could I do?

My father needed an heir and I needed autonomy. How else was I going to get that other than being an alpha?

I’d left my pack to watch over Lucy. Now she didn’t need me anymore and I was being forced to confront just how much I’ve ignored my own problems in favor of hers.

Because if I didn’t ignore them, I’d lose my fucking mind.

The push and pull of what I wanted and what I needed was tearing me apart.

The only way I’ve survived this long was because I kept ignoring it, shoving it down so I could put on the performance of a lifetime.

I deserved a fucking Oscar.

Learning how to be the perfect alpha hadn’t been easy.

My instincts in this designation helped, but the draw to my omega designation was always there, fighting for my attention and it would remind me in the most unexpected ways that before I’d discovered what I was, I’d always wanted to be with Leo.

Then I met Lucy and became an alpha.

At the time, I didn’t know what I was, so I’d accepted my new designation with as much grace as I could despite the disappointment. I was good at pretending and this would be no different, plus I’d thought my pheromones and instincts would make it all easier.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Shutting off the shower, I grabbed the towel hanging just outside and wrapped it around me.

It was just my shitty luck that I’d find another alpha who was like catnip to my instincts even in my alpha designation.

The doctor my father had hired to research deltas had said it was very rare for those like me to switch back and forth as easily as I did which was why most of them went undetected. We were alphas or we were omegas. Not both.

Rarely, we would switch from one to the other when our bodies sensed a need for it, but with modern society being the way it was, there was no real need. We didn’t have an omega shortage anymore and so we tended to settle into whatever designation suited us best.

Living up to my father’s reputation was impossible. I knew that even when I was nothing but a child, and yet I couldn’t even be a halfway decent delta either. I was the only freak who couldn’t decide what was best for me.

Maybe it was because I was a secret people pleaser desperate for approval in a pack full of legacies.

I had this insane craving for validation and praise. I needed to be wanted and I wanted to be needed.

Being an alpha satisfied those wants and needs, but there were expectations that came along with an alpha designation that didn’t really suit my preferences. I loved being around omegas and taking care of them, but I wasn’t sexually attracted to them.

Betas were the ones I sought out for all my ruts since I could never let myself be vulnerable with anyone let alone an alpha, but the last one…

My last rut had been a few months ago during the Valor case.

Lucy had gone into heat for the first time in years and it had messed with my pheromones bad . I’d gotten sick from her altered scent and ever since then it felt like my alpha designation was slowly slipping through my fingers.

So much so that my rut was late and I hadn’t felt a single warning symptom that it might be coming until today.

With Soren.

Were his pheromones actually bringing back my rut? I couldn’t tell but I knew this was bad .

I stepped out of the shower and smacked into a hard wall that wasn’t usually there.

Looking up, I froze when I saw Leo of all people standing in my bathroom, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. I couldn’t say I was surprised to see him though. I was actually more surprised it had taken this long for him to show up unannounced just to piss me off.

I haven’t seen hide nor hair of him since that disaster dinner at my father’s which was honestly concerning. Leo wasn’t the type to make empty threats.

Knowing he was back meant I’d done everything in my power to make sure we wouldn’t accidentally run into each other, but I wasn’t stupid enough to believe he wasn’t keeping tabs on me.

Especially with that phone call earlier.

I just didn’t know why he was here. Now. Right after what had happened with Soren.

Leo smiled slightly and tilted his head as he inspected me from head to toe. “Want me to kill him?”

“No, I don’t.” That was actually the last thing I wanted. “I want to know why you’re here and how you even got in.”

“You really like to suck the fun out of everything, Francesca.” The smirk on his face chilled my blood.

The shark he’d left in my car…did it have some kind of listening device installed on it? I’d figured it had a tracker and decided it wouldn’t be a bad idea for him to know where I was. Just in case.

But had Leo seen or heard what happened between me and Soren?

Was he still alive?

No, I was pretty sure he was. Leo wouldn’t ask me if I wanted him to kill someone if they were already dead.

He may be a psycho, but he never did anything he thought I wouldn’t forgive him for which was why River was still alive. He’s never touched Lucy either and I knew he never would. Not when he’s always been like an older brother to her.

Leo must have decided Liam and Cas were acceptable mates for her or they’d already be dead.

Pushing past him, I headed to my room, annoyed that I almost felt relieved he was here after everything that had happened today.

I forced myself to keep my expression neutral and buried down all my emotions, but I hated him— hated the way he always appeared whenever he wanted and then disappeared right as I reached for him so it always felt like I was trying to hold onto smoke and ash.

He’d left over ten years ago – disappeared without a trace. Then he showed up out of the blue like nothing’s changed between us when everything’s changed.

Everything about him always filled me with unspeakable rage.

And longing.

Leo may have a borrowed name, but he was more of a Lopez than I’d ever be. He’s never once taken my father up on his offer though and I’ve never let myself ask why.

I headed to my dresser and yanked open the top drawer, doing my very best to pretend that I wasn’t bothered by his presence at all and I didn’t care that I was in nothing but a towel – on the edge of another mental breakdown.

Leo appeared by my side like a ghost. His black paramilitary gear brushed against the bare skin of my arm as he reached for one of my favorite shirts and I tried to ignore the familiar sensation.

I didn’t want him to see me like this. Not again.

Snatching the shirt from him, I did my best to ignore him and calm down but I was panicking.

Regaining some sense of control was imperative or I’d crumble.

I’d lost control of the situation with Soren and acted like a needy fucking bitch before letting him get me off. Then Leo just happened to show up right after he left?

That meant he was keeping a close eye on me and I was pretty fucking sure he saw what happened with Soren which…I honestly had no idea how to process.

I couldn’t do what I normally did and ignore it, not when I was intensely aware of just how warm he was beside me.

The soft scent of bergamot and sea salt blended with mint and his pheromones tried to soothe me even if that was probably the last thing Leo wanted right now.

I reached into my drawer and wrapped my hand around the hilt of one of my knives. I didn’t know what Leo was capable of right now, not after seeing that.

One wrong move and I’d end up with a homicidal maniac on my hands.

Honestly, I was shocked he didn’t kill Soren before coming in here.

I wouldn’t say Leo was the jealous type exactly, but he’s never liked the way I used other people as an excuse to avoid him.

He’d kill everyone I paid attention to just to force me to look at him so the fact that he’d asked if he should kill someone I knew he didn’t like made me wonder what he was planning.

“I really don’t understand, Francesca,” Leo muttered as he leaned against the dresser, watching me with narrowed eyes. “Why do you always sabotage any chance you might have at joy and happiness?”

My stomach flipped and I glanced over at him, not sure what to say to that.

I thought he’d be…furious? I don’t know. At the very least he should be jealous, but Leo didn’t look like he cared at all.

I hated how much that bothered me.

He leaned down then, getting in my face. “You’re on the verge of another breakdown, aren’t you? How pathetic.”

I forced myself not to flinch at the accusation full of bitterness and disgust. I lifted my chin instead and studied the man in the mirror.

Leo was damaged. Because of me. I did this to him and I could never forget that.