Page 11

CHAPTER 11

Frankie

I splashed freezing cold water on my face again and again, but it wasn’t doing shit.

My chest was heaving and it felt like I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs. I knew exactly why I was reacting this way and I thought I’d be able to ignore it – ignore the way he made me feel on a visceral level.

But unfortunately, I was fucking stupid.

There was no way I could ignore him. Not anymore—not when he’d grabbed me like he never wanted to let me go.

It had scared me and I hated myself for the way he’d looked so devastated about that, but it wasn’t like I could explain he wasn’t the one scaring me without making everything worse.

I wasn’t afraid of him and that was the problem. I was afraid of how much I’d liked it when he held onto me—how he’d looked up at me as if he was one second away from begging me to crush him just a little more.

“This is fine,” I muttered as I shut off the water. “He looked totally freaked out too. Everything will be fine.” Because this wasn’t something either of us wanted or were even interested in.

Feeling his hands on my body would never happen again. Not unless it was absolutely necessary.

I could ignore this like I did everything else.

Soren Hart was my rookie and nothing more. Outside of work, he didn’t exist.

It wasn’t like this was my first time erasing a whole person from my life either, so I knew I could do it.

I’d eventually managed to get Leo to leave me alone and he hasn’t shown me his stupid face in over ten years. If I could do that, I could do anything.

Soren Hart would be no different.

My phone buzzed and I went over to my locker, twisting the combination lock until it clicked. I checked to see who it was and saw that River had texted me, not my father.

I haven’t heard from you in over a week. I miss you.

What a liar.

I swiped to unlock my phone and tapped out a message.

I miss you too.

What can I do for you?

Would you like to have coffee with me this afternoon? I’d like to see you.

I had no idea what her real intentions were but it didn’t really matter. I needed to see River and the sooner the better.

Maybe then I’d be able to forget what Soren smelled like – how good he felt underneath me and just how much of my body a single hand of his could cover.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror hanging in my locker.

My pupils were dilated and my cheeks were flushed. I looked like I was about to run out of here and pounce on Soren the second I saw him again.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I couldn’t let him see me like this. Fuck, I couldn’t let anyone see me like this.

Seeing River in person was the best thing I could do right now. She was an omega. She’d remind me why I’d chosen this path – why I’d decided to be an alpha.

I could meet you in an hour. There’s this new café you might like.

I would love that.

4:30 sharp. I’ll be waiting, Francesca.

I tossed my phone back into my locker and pulled my hair out of its ponytail.

Scratching my scalp, I headed for the showers without really paying attention to where I was going.

I’ve been fighting this part of myself for most of my life. I really should be used to it by now, but it always took me by surprise.

Turning the water on, I stepped into the shower with my clothes on, shoes and all.

Without Leo around to constantly antagonize me, I’d gotten sloppy. That had to be it. I was weak because I didn’t feel like I always had to have my guard up.

But why should I when the only alpha I’ve ever felt like this about disappeared from my life?

I’d driven him away – done the worst things I could think of to ensure he’d abandon me.

Leo wasn’t normal or sane though. He was a fucking psycho with a stubborn streak a mile wide.

It had taken the cruelest thing imaginable to get him to finally understand I wanted nothing to do with him no matter how I really felt. I was an alpha. Had to be. That meant I couldn’t be with another alpha.

My father might not care that I didn’t have red eyes, but the rest of the pack did. How would they react to me bonding an alpha instead of an omega on top of that?

Not well, I’d imagine. I mean, they’d killed one of my uncles to try to destabilize my father’s legacy. What else would they do?

I wouldn’t put it past them to kill anyone I might fancy. River included. Though she was relatively safe thanks to her name and celebrity status. If someone did try to kill her, the Steele pack would come at them with everything they had.

Right now, River and I were the press’s favorite celebrity couple. Even the worst of my family couldn’t fuck with that.

But if I started acting like a fool for some random alpha rookie? Oh, they would have a field day with that one.

It didn’t matter that everyone knew our engagement was nothing more than a business deal. If they caught me looking at anyone else, I’d be fucked in more ways than one.

So, I had to nip this in the bud before it could start affecting me more than it already has. There was always a chance I’d have the same reaction to Soren that I had with Leo and that absolutely could not happen.

Cold water soaked into my clothes and skin, cooling me down and grounding me once more.

The smell of wet fabric overwhelmed any remaining hint of his scent. All I could focus on was the squishy feeling in my shoes and not the lingering sensation of Soren’s hands on my body.

Finally feeling a little bit more sane, I peeled off my clothes and stepped out of my shoes.

My issues weren’t something I could control so I’ve always made sure my environment was as pristine as possible. I never allowed anything in it that could make me hesitate or doubt my decision.

It’s why I’d pushed Leo as far away from me as I could.

Yeah, he was a psycho but that’s what I liked about him. He was my psycho and everything he did was for me . All he asked for in return was my time and attention.

But I couldn’t give it to him. Not after I’d learned I wasn’t actually an alpha, but something else.

A delta. Not an alpha or an omega.

For a long time, we thought I was an alpha since that was what I’d presented as first thanks to my proximity to Lucy. I didn’t have any issues with my pheromones either, even though I’d always felt like some kind of failure when my eyes never turned red.

I was happy with being an alpha even if I’d always thought I’d present as an omega. I was good at taking care of others and enjoyed being needed.

Then Lucy had left for her official omega training the year after I presented as an alpha.

All the omegas in the pack went to their little camp for their training every summer and it was Lucy’s first. As always, I’d joined the alphas for our own training, but after a week or so I got sick.

Leo had stayed by my side the whole time, taking care of me as I laid in bed with the worst aches and pains imaginable. We thought it was just the flu, but the fever wasn’t because I was sick.

I woke up one morning leaking omega pheromones – the kind that told everyone with a nose I’d gone into heat.

Not rut.

I’d gone into heat and Leo had freaked the fuck out while desperately trying to ignore his instincts which had only made everything worse. I still don’t know how he resisted all my whining and begging, but it was the only reason I didn’t end up losing my virginity that night.

With some insanely strong suppressants, we were able to get it under control but that didn’t change the reality of the situation.

I had alpha pheromones and then I’d suddenly oozed omega pheromones.

Apparently, without exposure to Lucy’s pheromones, my body decided that since I’d been surrounded by only alphas, that my pack was in need of an omega.

To further the species, I had to switch from alpha to omega.

Waking up as an omega had felt right in a way that being an alpha never had, but it wasn’t what anyone but me needed.

What was my father going to do with an omega child anyway? He needed an heir, not an omega.

But Francisco Lopez was a good alpha. He’d offered to name any alpha I wanted to bond as his heir, but that didn’t solve my real problem.

Who would take care of Lucy?

She hadn’t wanted to officially join the Lopez pack and wanted nothing to do with any alpha, let alone a whole pack of legacy alphas.

Lucy had done everything in her power to get emancipated by the time she turned sixteen, and thanks to her genius, she’d gotten into college early.

I had to go with her. There was no one else she would let protect her and my father knew that just as well as I did. It’s why he never said a word when I asked to be left alone for a whole week.

Sure, I could have followed her as an omega I supposed, but then we’d both be in danger. I couldn’t protect her, or myself, if I stayed an omega.

I couldn’t be Francesca Lopez or Frankie James if I wasn’t an alpha. Not the way I wanted to be.

Things were getting better for omegas in general, but legacy omegas were rarely allowed to do anything outside traditional expectations.

If I were to commit to being an omega, I’d have to accept everything that went along with that. I’d have to marry someone outside my pack and leave the Lopez name behind because there was no alpha who could benefit the pack that would willingly leave his own legacy.

Liam Valor did it for Lucy, but what were the chances there were two legacy alphas out there like that?

As an omega, I would have to bond someone with red eyes. Someone who could give me the power and strength I needed to rule the Lopez pack, and even that wouldn’t be enough.

My pack was already ripping itself to pieces with me as the heir while presenting as an alpha. If they found out I was some weird defect…

I dropped my head against the cool tile, knowing what Leo would say about all this.

Killing all the troublemakers in my pack wasn’t a real solution. Not in this day and age. They had to commit a crime and I had to have the evidence for it before they could be disposed of in one way or another.

That was how the world worked.

I couldn’t just squash them like bugs no matter how badly I wanted to.

If I wanted to take control of the pack on my own and make my father proud, I needed the strength and power of my alpha pheromones.

Grabbing the soap, I scrubbed down until my skin was red and sensitive but there wasn’t a single scent clinging to it other than the pheromone erasing soap.

I sighed and shut off the water.

Yeah, I’d ruined any chance of happiness I might have but what else was I supposed to do when everything about me was a disappointment? I was never going to be a real alpha, but I couldn’t be an omega either and because of that, I couldn’t have Leo anywhere near me.

I loved him—loved the way he was obsessed with me even when I was an alpha. My designation had never mattered to him and that made all this so much worse because I couldn’t have him.

Maybe if I didn’t switch back to my omega status around him, it would have worked out.

We could have courted an omega together and shared them the same way Cas and Liam shared Lucy, but my body wanted to be what he needed.

My father had offered him a place in his pack because he was a very powerful legacy alpha which meant Leo needed an omega, not me. No matter how many times he told me he didn’t need me to be anything other than what I wanted to be, it didn’t change our reality.

Every time he went into rut, I’d switch back to an omega.

So, I’d done my best to drive him away.

Unfortunately, Leo was the most stubborn person alive and he’d forced me to do the one thing I never wanted to do, just to get him to leave.

Now it seemed like Soren had a similar allure.

I couldn’t risk falling down that hole again. Not when everyone was watching me so closely.

My father publicly named me his heir. I couldn’t disappoint him by being weak .

So, I would do the same thing to Soren I did to Leo, and hopefully, he wasn’t the stubborn type.

Grabbing a towel, I wrapped it around me as I stepped over my wet clothes and out of the shower.

I really hoped Soren didn’t get any thoughts in his head that this temporary arrangement could be any more than what it was, because the last thing I wanted to do was show him just how cruel and heartless I could be.

Two ruined lives was more than enough.

I didn’t need to add a third.