Page 46 of Forgive Me Father

Swallowing hard, I panic. I don’t want him to see the raw, reddened skin on my backside.

Glancing down at his fingers, I decide to lower myself to my knees. His brow furrows in confusion as I take his hand in mine.

“What are you –?”

I place his fingers in my mouth, holding his wrist with one hand as I place the other on his knee. I keep my eyes locked on his as I did as he’d done earlier and begin to lick him clean.

His eyes grow wide with lust, cupping the side of my face as I work, watching me as I work. I give his fingertips one final swirl of my tongue before slowly dragging them out of my mouth.

"Do you taste how fucking sweet that pretty pussy is?" He drops his hands to my waist, standing me up in front of him.

"Now let me see that pretty ass-"

Before I can stop him, Roman pivots me until I’m no longer facing him. As his voice trails off, my cheeks grow hot. I close my eyes, readying myself for the pain of his touch.

I flinch at the unexpected feeling of his fingertips gently caressing the sensitive skin.

"I didn't do this," He whispers, his thumb rolling over the cut still healing from the contact with my father’s belt buckle.

"Just get it over with, Roman," I hiss, knowing damn well the man values pain just as much as pleasure.

All of this is fun and games, but at the end of the day, I know I’m just a body for him to –

Something warm and soft touches my skin, the feeling gentle and welcoming. I stiffen as he presses tender kisses along my sensitive flesh, his fingers caressing the small of my back.

“Who did this, Eden?”

The truth gets lodged in my throat. I can’t tell him.

"Eden?" he growls in between kisses.

All a sudden the room becomes too small, and I begin to suffocate. I pull away, wanting more space between us. I don’t owe him an explanation. And I can’t trust him. He might have said he’s nothing like my father, but I barely know Roman. Letting him in isn’t an option. The last person I let in was Eric, and that turned out far worse than I ever could’ve imagined.

I swipe my discarded robe from the floor, forcing it over my head, shimmying quickly to get the fabric in place to cover my body.

"What’s your game here, Roman?" I cross my arms across my chest protectively. "It's clear you get off on being in a position of authority. That you enjoy making me submit to you. It’s even clearer you have suppressed sexual desires, which I’ve regrettably enjoyed exploring, but none of that matters. You don’t even know me. And I sure as hell don’t owe you anything."

Standing up, he shakes his head.

His expression goes blank. Taking in a deep breath, he shakes his head. "I think we might have taken things too far."

I laugh, knowing the regret must be settling in for him. "You’re embarrassed, aren’t you? For turning away from your commitment to God with me of all people."

"Eden, that's not-"

"How do you think this plays out? Do you think I’ll continue being your altar server, letting you touch me in private while listening to you preach to this congregation about the importance of upholding sound morals and virtues? I thought allowing this to happen would bring me some relief, but instead, it’s just added to the pain I carry with me every single second of every single day,” I snap, tears flooding from my eyes.

"You think hurting Zack makes things easier for me, Roman? It doesn’t. What do you think will happen when you're not around, and he and I are alone again?" I yell, his eyes lowering. "I don't know what the hell you think is happening here, but it's done. I know my father was here. I know you two spoke. And I’ve seen that fucking binder in our home. You may say you’renothing like him, but having anything to do with him is just as bad," I sob, wiping away the tears from my cheeks.

Roman takes a step towards me, but I move around him to the altar, swiping his gold ring from the arm of his chair. I turn around and close the space between us, grabbing his hand and placing the ring in his palm.

"Take your fucking ring. Repent to God and leave me the hell alone."

I brush past him down the altar steps towards the doorway leading out into the vestibule.

This had been a mistake.

I was sad and vulnerable.