Page 34 of Forbidden Sins

“Right now I just know that I feel a little seasick,” I manage, staggering to the nearest lounge seat and sinking into it. “I’m sorry. I just…need a minute.”

Vito looks around, clearly at a loss, and I can’t help but think that if Sebastian were here, he’d get me water. He’d make sure I was taken care of.

He motions to a uniformed steward, who uncorks a bottle of champagne and pours a flute for me, holding it out. I squint at him in the bright sunlight, accepting it so as not to seem rude, but champagne is the last thing I can imagine drinking right now.

“You look as if you’re not enjoying yourself, bella ,” Vito says, accepting a glass of whiskey from the steward and sitting down next to me, far too close.

The thick scent of his champagne only makes my stomach churn even more.

“I hope I’m not boring you already. We’re not even engaged yet.

” He grins at me, as if we’re sharing some inside joke, as if our engagement is a done deal already.

The smile fades quickly when I struggle to return it, and I see his gaze sweep over me, calculating.

Like a buyer assessing priceless art, or a jeweler examining a particularly valuable gemstone.

As if he’s deciding whether the return on his investment will be worth the purchase.

“I’m sorry,” I manage, forcing myself to take the tiniest sip of the champagne. It’s very dry, and I feel desperate for a glass of water. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

It’s not a lie. I couldn’t sleep, waiting to hear Sebastian’s fate, and I hardly slept afterward, thinking of his tortured body downstairs. I glance at Vito, wondering if he’ll show any sign that he heard about what happened last night, but he just nods.

“I’m sorry to hear that, bella ,” he murmurs, and I wince at the familiarity. “The excitement must have made it difficult.”

I nearly choke on my champagne, a tremor of fear running through me. I can’t imagine that my father would have wanted it to be known that he caught me in the gardens with Sebastian; it could ruin my chances at marriage. But if Vito did hear…

“Excitement?” I manage, as the hum of the yacht’s engines starting up vibrates gently through the dock. I force myself not to think about Sebastian or the motorcycle ride, how he made me feel then… or since.

Vito gives me an indulgent smile, tossing back his whiskey as the yacht pulls away from the dock.

The water slaps against the hull, salt spraying into the sunlit air, and I close my eyes briefly.

Sebastian is in pain while I’m sipping champagne and enjoying a sailing trip with one of the men in the running to win both me and the Gallo fortune as a prize.

That thought feels like its own kind of torture.

Vito turns, accepting a fresh glass of whiskey from the steward.

“The excitement of the future, of course, Estella.” He taps his glass lightly against mine.

“To new beginnings,” he adds, his gaze sweeping over my face, down the line of my neck, and to the swell of my breasts at the neckline of my dress.

He’s not even bothering to be subtle, I think, feeling the burn of bile in my throat as I force another sip of champagne.

The bubbles of the dry champagne burn going down, too.

“Is this a beginning?” I manage to ask, as lightly as I can. I have to force myself not to flinch when he throws his arm around my shoulders, keeping myself very still.

“Your father seems to think so,” Vito says carelessly, sounding pleased. “I think we’re very close to coming to an understanding. And Antony Gallo is a man whose opinions I respect. To be his heir would be a great honor.”

I press my lips together, unable to think of an answer that won’t betray what I’m really feeling about the situation.

I take another sip of champagne instead, swallowing it down as I look at the lapping water and the wide, blue sky.

I could be happy, I think, if it were Sebastian here with me instead.

If it were Sebastian with me, anywhere. I don’t need a yacht to be happy.

I need someone who loves me, who sees me, who understands me. Vito will never be any of those things.

He sees me only as another valuable possession to be acquired, an asset to add to his portfolio.

Not as a person to be loved or cherished. I honestly don’t think a man like him is capable of it.

And what if one of the others were? I try to picture a life with Nico Adamos, who is younger, closer to my age, someone I could try to connect with. But I can’t imagine finding a true connection there, either. I don’t think I could ever feel for someone else what I feel for Sebastian.

“You’re far away again, bella ,” Vito cuts in, and I hear an edge of annoyance in his tone. Men like him don’t appreciate feeling ignored, I know that. I turn, forcing a smile onto my lips.

“I’m just tired, like I said,” I murmur. “I’ll try to be more present. This day you’ve planned for us is lovely.”

“There will be lunch later. Fresh seafood, so I hope you don’t have an allergy.” He laughs as if he’s made a particularly funny joke. “And we can swim later, if you’d like, bella . I have suits aboard if you didn’t bring one.”

The thought of this man seeing me in a swimsuit makes my skin crawl. But if he’s the one I end up marrying, he’ll see me in far less, and do much more than look. Nausea sweeps through me again at the thought.

“Maybe,” I murmur noncommittally. “Although the view is so beautiful from here. I’m enjoying it, really.”

Vito moves a bit closer, his leg pressing against mine.

“As am I,” he replies, and his hand behind me, so close to my shoulder, drifts down my arm.

“I know I’ve been entrusted with you today, and I would never do anything to break Antony Gallo’s trust, of course.

Not when our engagement is all but arranged.

But seeing you like this, today—” He sucks in a breath through his teeth.

“It’s difficult not to touch you, bella .

You are as beautiful as your father told me you would be. ”

I press my lips together, forcing them into a polite smile.

“I’m glad to hear you think so highly of me,” I say softly, trying to make the words sound genuine.

Across the water, I see a seagull dive down, emerging with something silver and wriggling.

I feel like that fish, right now, prey trapped in the beak of something that wants to devour me whole.

How can I ever live like that, feeling like prey, when I know what it feels like to be so much more? When I know how it feels to be seen not as a possession, but as a woman, desired so passionately that it took my breath away?

I don’t know how I can bear it.

“Together, we will be unstoppable,” Vito murmurs, his fingers curling around my shoulder.

“I will make the Gallo name and fortune even greater than it was under your father’s command.

Our children will inherit something that spans further than just the territory in the States.

I have great plans for our family, bella .

With the resources I bring, your father will see his legacy grow to heights he’s only dreamed of. ”

Children . The word feels like a blow, and I bite my lip, nodding as if in agreement.

But I can feel the blood draining from my face, my hands suddenly cold as I grip the champagne flute.

I can’t imagine bearing this man’s children—having a family with him, however cold and distant that family might be.

The thought of his touch makes me want to vomit.

“I think I need to visit the ladies’,” I say quickly, setting the champagne flute aside and standing. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Of course.” Vito starts to stand as well. “I can show you?—”

“I know where it is, thank you.” I give him a quick, tight smile that I hope looks genuine. “I paid attention to the tour. It was lovely. This is all… lovely.”

I can’t think of a better word right now, because I don’t mean any of it. I need to get away from him, from this feeling of being trapped, of the walls closing in on me. I need him to not be touching me, to not be so close.

My chest aches as I hurry toward the bathroom, my thoughts drifting back to Sebastian. I can still feel the sensation of his mouth on mine, hungry and desperate, devouring the only kiss he knew he would ever get to have. My first kiss.

I can’t help but wonder if he regrets it now. He said he didn’t, but in the light of day—who knows? Maybe, seeing the wreck of his body that my father left him with, he wishes he’d done things differently. That he’d told me no.

I likely won’t ever know the answer to that question.

—

The feeling of dread in my stomach when I’m summoned to my father’s office the next morning is a harbinger of what’s to come. I haven’t seen or talked to Sebastian—I assume he’s still recovering, out of sight of the household and me.

The walk to the office feels longer than usual. I knock quickly on the door before stepping inside, smoothing my face into a carefully blank expression. “You wanted to see me?”

My father looks up from his desk, motioning for me to come and sit. “Yes, Estella. Sit down, please.”

I obey wordlessly. All of the fight has gone out of me after seeing what he did to Sebastian.

As I look at him, I can’t imagine how I ever loved him, how I ever thought that any part of him was good.

I want to scream at him that I hate him for what he did, that Luis would hate him too, but I don’t.

If I were to do that, and he hurt Sebastian again, I couldn’t live with myself.

I don’t know how I’m going to live like this, as it is.

“I’ve made a decision regarding your marriage,” he says without preamble. My mouth drops open slightly.

“I thought—” My voice cracks. “I thought you said that I would get a say in it. That you would listen to what I wanted and take that into consideration?—”

“Your say in the matter vanished when I caught you in the garden with your bodyguard.” My father’s voice snaps between us like the crack of a whip.

“It’s clear you have no thought for your future, Estella, so I will think of it for you and make the choices that you clearly cannot. And I’ve made it.”

I swallow hard, fighting back tears as panic grips me. “Who is it?” I whisper, but I think I already know.

“Vito Bianchi,” he says with finality, the two words coming down like a hammer. They feel like a physical blow—I knew, deep down, that this was coming, but I couldn’t have prepared myself for how the reality would make me feel.

“He’s too old,” I protest weakly. “And I don’t want him. Please—” I bite my lip, wishing I could say with any honesty that I’ll happily marry one of the others, but I can’t. And I think my father knows it.

Not that he’s going to relent, anyway.

“He’s in his forties.” My father looks at me without sympathy.

“He’s hardly old. And he will strengthen our position.

He’s the former underboss to the Boston don.

With the heir to that family taking over soon, and the new don wishing to place his own choice in the role, Vito’s move to our family makes sense.

It will strengthen ties with Boston, bring us new business opportunities, and offer chances to expand. This is the right decision, Estella.”

The right decision for everyone except me, I think bitterly. But I can’t say it aloud. It will change nothing and only make my father angry.

“When is the engagement?” I whisper, dejected. My father’s eyes narrow.

“Vito will be coming to stay with us for a period of time to court you,” he explains. “The agreement between us is made, of course, but I want to give you time to acclimate to each other. I’m not a monster.” His voice softens ever so slightly, and my head snaps up.

“You hurt Sebastian.” I can’t stop the words from slipping out, even as I know they’re a mistake. “So yes. You are.”

My father’s expression instantly darkens. “And how would you know about that, daughter?” His voice is cold, suddenly, dangerous. A warning that I’m treading on the verge of revealing things I shouldn’t—that I went to Sebastian’s room, that I saw the state he was in.

“I heard him crying out in his sleep,” I backtrack quickly. “I—I know it was him.”

His expression smooths. “He touched you,” he says coolly. “He was punished for it. It’s lucky for him that he’s not dead now, Estella, and that he’s still being privileged to guard you. That’s all I’ll say on the matter.”

I know that’s not true. I know why Sebastian is still alive, why he’s still going to be my bodyguard, and it’s not a privilege .

It’s so my father can punish him further by making him watch every step of my being given to another man, and so my father can force my compliance by making sure I know that Sebastian is in danger if I refuse.

That’s what’s going on here—not any measure of mercy from my father.

“I am being generous in allowing you time to get to know your future husband.” His voice turns taut. “Don’t strain that generosity, daughter.”

It’s not a real courtship , I want to blurt out.

If it were, I would have the opportunity to say no at the end of it, to deny Vito if I don’t want him.

But I’m not going to get that chance. This is a formality, like everything else leading up to the day of my wedding will be, a performance for the sake of my father’s pride and sense of himself.

He wants to think of himself as generous, as a good father, and so he’s doing this.

“I expect you to welcome him,” he continues firmly.

“Vito expects a certain type of wife, Estella. He is old-fashioned, as am I. He holds the old values and ways close to his heart.” My father pauses.

“He will expect submission, Estella. Obedience. A pleasant demeanor and a welcoming smile. Do you understand me?”

“Yes,” I whisper. The word tastes like ash on my tongue. “I understand.”

My father smiles, pleased at how quickly I’ve capitulated.

I want to vomit. “You may go,” he says, glancing back at the papers on his desk.

“Vito will arrive late next week, as soon as his affairs in Boston are tied up. You have time to prepare yourself for his arrival.” He glances up at me.

“Remember, Estella. I expect your best behavior.”

I nod, forcing myself up out of the chair. It’s an effort to walk slowly to the door, to hold the tears back until I’m outside of the room. My eyes burn, and it’s not until I’m in the hallway that I lean back against the wall, one hand pressed over my mouth as tears start to leak from my eyes.

This is unbearable. But I will have to bear it, somehow.

For Sebastian’s sake, if nothing else.