Page 19 of Forbidden Sins

Friday afternoon, I find myself once again staring at my half-finished painting of the garden, my phone in my lap. I’m supposed to go out tonight for Marilee’s birthday party, and now I know I need to text her and tell her that I won’t be able to make it.

There’s a brief knock at the sunroom door, and I look up sharply as Sebastian walks in. He pauses in the doorway, looking at me and then at the phone in my hands. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah.” I look away, immediately feeling as if I’ve lied to him. “No,” I say finally, looking back. “I was supposed to go out with my friends from college tonight for one of their birthdays. But I don’t think I can go now.”

Sebastian nods, leaning against the doorframe. “Because of Luis?” he asks, his voice gentle, and I raise and drop my hands in a helpless gesture.

“Partially,” I admit, and I feel a flood of relief at talking to him again—at the two of us talking like this, like we used to.

At feeling like I have someone to open up to, again.

“I feel guilty going out and enjoying anything. He’s never going to enjoy anything again, so why do I get to?

” My throat tightens, and I swallow hard, fighting back the tears that always seem far too close to the surface these days. “It feels wrong to be happy at all.”

“Estella,” Sebastian murmurs my name gently, pushing away from the doorframe and coming to stand just in front of me.

The light coming in through the sunroom windows glints off his dark hair, and I can’t take my eyes off him for a moment.

“Luis loved you. He wouldn’t want you to be endlessly miserable just because he’s gone.

Do you really think he’d tell you to stay home and grieve instead of going out with your friends? ”

I bite my lip, shaking my head. “No,” I admit.

“He wouldn’t. He’d be pissed at me for not going, honestly.

But—even if I wanted to go, there’s no way Dad is going to allow it, now.

It’s at a bowling alley .” I look at Sebastian, shaking my head.

“I would have had a hard time convincing him before all of this. You think he’s going to let me go now? ”

Sebastian frowns. “I can see that being a problem.” He pauses for a moment, considering. “I’ll talk to him.”

I blink confusedly. “You—why?”

“Because I think you need to go.” Sebastian looks at me sympathetically.

“Estella, you’ve barely eaten since you got the news about Luis.

I doubt you’re sleeping well. You’re either in your bedroom or in here, and you’re miserable no matter where you are.

I know you’re grieving, and it’s understandable—but this isn’t good for you.

And I think seeing your friends would be. ”

It’s the most he’s said to me in a week. I stare at him for a long moment, absorbing what he’s just said. I can tell that he means it. I can hear it in every word he says, and my chest tightens, realizing that I truly have one person who cares about me above all else.

I bite my lip. “No,” I say quickly, shaking my head. “I’ll go talk to him. You shouldn’t have to step in for me. I’ll go.”

“Princess—”

“I’ll handle it,” I repeat, more firmly this time. The thought of a confrontation with my father has my heart beating against my ribs, but I don’t want to hide behind Sebastian for this, too. He already protects me from everything else.

I know where my father is this time of day, of course.

I stand up, setting my paints aside, and Sebastian hesitates before walking past me to go and open the door.

I can tell from the way he’s looking at me that he’d go and handle the situation for me right now if I asked him to, but I don’t want him to do that.

It isn’t going to help anything for him to be on opposing sides with my father. Now more than ever, I need a constant in my life, and I need to feel sure that nothing will happen to make me lose Sebastian. He and my father fighting would definitely risk that.

I head down the hall to my father’s office, knocking on the closed door. I hear his gruff “Come in” a moment later, and step inside, trying not to look as nervous as I feel.

The moment my father sees that it’s me, his jaw tenses. “Estella, if this is another attempt to talk me out of arranging your marriage—” he begins, and I shake my head quickly.

“It’s not.” I hold my hands up placatingly, approaching his desk. “I just wanted to ask if I can go out tonight.”

Right to the point. My father has never been one for beating around the bush, though, and the longer I draw it out, the more irritated he’ll become with me. I know that for a fact.

“Out?” His forehead crinkles. “Where do you want to go?”

I take a deep breath. “It’s my friend Marilee’s birthday. She’s the one who came to my party.”

“I don’t know who that is.” He looks down at the stack of paperwork in front of him, making it clear that I’ve interrupted him. “Whose daughter is she?”

“She—” I swallow hard. “She’s one of my friends from college.”

I see my father’s expression change immediately, and I feel fairly certain that I might as well leave now.

But I’m already here, so I can’t help but try to make my point.

I feel trapped, standing in this small room while my father judges my friends and the life that I wanted outside of the confines of the family, and suddenly I very, very much want to go tonight.

“Hm.” He grunts. “Where is this party?”

“It’s at a bowling alley. She sent me the details—I’d have to check exactly where. But Sebastian will go with me, and if you want anyone else to go as security, that would be fine?—”

“No.” He looks up at me. “Absolutely not, Estella. What are you thinking? Those aren’t the kind of friends you need now, anyway.”

“Dad—”

“No,” he repeats. “And I’m busy, Estella. Is there anything else?—”

“Sir, if I can speak freely?”

Sebastian’s voice from behind me makes me jump. I hadn’t heard him walk into the room, and I twist around, surprised to see him there. His jaw is tense, and he’s looking squarely at my father, who fixes him with an expression of deepening annoyance.

“What is it, Sinclair?”

“Respectfully, sir,” Sebastian begins, his voice taut in a way that suggests that he’s having a difficult time keeping it respectful .

“Your daughter has been grieving for days. She’s been having a hard time, as I know you and everyone else have been, as well.

But she doesn’t have much of an outlet for it, right now.

I think it would be good to let her go out for one night with her friends.

I’ll be right by her side, of course sir, and I can bring a few extra men if need be.

She’ll be home by whatever time you want. ”

My heart leaps in my chest as I stare at Sebastian. I feel it drop a moment later when I look at my father, and see that his expression has turned icy.

“You’re out of line, Sinclair,” he growls. “I said no. There’s no reason for her to be out with those girls—and whoever else they might bring along. Other boys, probably. You think I want my daughter out at a place like that?”

Sebastian’s jaw clenches. “Of course not, sir,” he says calmly. “I apologize.”

My father nods tautly. “Think before you speak,” he says coldly. “Bodyguards are a dime a dozen, son. I can replace you as easily as I hired you.”

A jolt of fear runs through me at that. Sebastian gives a terse nod, pivoting on his heel and walking out. I look at my father, waiting for him to say something else, but he’s already deep in his paperwork again, not paying me any attention. As far as I can tell, the subject is closed for him.

I hurry out of the office, following Sebastian. He’s stopped a few yards down the hall, and I catch up, grabbing his arm. I feel him tense the instant I touch him, and I let go, looking up at him. I feel defeated, and I know it probably shows on my face.

“I thought you didn’t listen in on meetings,” I whisper. Sebastian looks at me, and the intense anger in his eyes sends a jolt of alarm through me—mixed with something else. A not entirely unfamiliar warmth that I still don’t understand.

“I wanted to know what he was going to say,” Sebastian growls. “And it was basically what I expected. Which is why you’re going anyway.”

I stare at him. “What? What are you talking about?”

“You’re going tonight. Your father might think it’s fine for you to waste away here, shrinking a little more every day while he finds some rich asshole to marry you off to, but you need your friends. You need to get out of this fucking mausoleum of a house. And I’m going to see that that happens.”

A thrill runs through me despite myself.

“You are?” I squeak, still looking at him wide-eyed.

I’ve never been the rebellious type. I’ve never really needed to be before now—I’ve never wanted to go out to clubs or go out drinking, and everything I wanted to do…

college, seeing my friends occasionally, I was able to do.

“Yes.” Sebastian glances at his phone. “What time are you supposed to meet them?”

“Um—” I frantically try to think of the details that Marilee messaged me a few days ago, a message I barely looked at because I was mired in grief over Luis. “Eight this evening, I think?”

“Okay.” Sebastian rubs a hand over his mouth.

“I’ll talk to Brick. He owes me a favor or two, I’ll get him to look the other way on this one.

I’ll drive you so there’s no driver to tattle to your father.

We’ll be back late, so there won’t be an issue with sneaking you back into the house.

You get ready, and I’ll come get you right before eight. How’s that?”

“Dinner is at seven.” I bite my lip. “It’s not usually an hour, but?—”

“Tell your father you have a headache,” Sebastian suggests. “Eat a little, say you’re not feeling well, and come back up to your room. He always goes to his study after dinner. It shouldn’t be hard to get out of the house.”

That thrill runs through me again, and I know that there’s no way I’m going to say no. My mind is desperate for any bit of serotonin after the grief I’ve been mired in, and I know Sebastian was right. I need this. Luis would want me to go.

He might even be proud of me for sneaking out. He never got to be a troublemaker because he took his duties seriously. But I know there was a part of him that wanted to be.

“Okay,” I say decisively, looking up at Sebastian. “Let’s do it.”