Page 20 of Forbidden Sins

ESTELLA

I ’m consumed with nerves for the rest of the afternoon.

I barely notice what I put on for dinner, grabbing the first dress in my closet that I see that looks appropriate.

It turns out to be a black maxi dress with large red flowers printed on it, and I toss it on, piling my hair atop my head in a messy bun and heading downstairs to the dining room.

As usual, my father is already sitting at the head of the table when I walk in, pouring himself a glass of wine. He looks up as I enter, and a pleased smile crosses his face.

“It’s good to see you’re adding some color back into your wardrobe, Estella,” he says, taking a sip of the wine. “Grief is healthy, but only if we don’t let it overtake us. You seem to be adjusting, though. And I’m pleased to see that you’re not pouting over my refusal to let you go out tonight.”

A jolt of nerves ricochets through me, followed by a stab of resentment at his wording, and I grab the glass pitcher of water as soon as I sit down to give myself something to do. My hands are shaky, and I immediately regret it, but I manage to get my glass filled without incident.

“It was just an idea,” I say quickly. “Marilee invited me at my birthday party. I thought it might be rude to turn her down.”

My father raises an eyebrow as he takes another sip of his wine.

“It’s better if you start forming more useful friendships, Estella.

Those friends you made in college won’t last long, once you have your own household as a mafia wife and start to make a family.

There’s too much you can’t tell them, and too wide of a gulf between you. Better to focus on the future, now.”

I nod wordlessly. “Of course,” I manage finally, just as the salad course is served, giving me something to focus on besides trying not to look at my father.

I don’t want him to see the nervousness in my face.

I’m terrified he’s going to guess that Sebastian and I are sneaking out, and we’ll both be in trouble. Sebastian even more so than I.

Maybe this was a bad idea, I think as I pick at the salad. If we get caught, I’ll be reprimanded, but Sebastian will get fired. He’ll never get a reputable job in security again. I’ll lose the person here who means the most to me. Maybe I was wrong to agree to it.

Dinner is delicious—a second course of medium-rare steak with gorgonzola cheese and a side of pasta—but I can barely eat. I nibble at the food, until my father finally notices and I can make an excuse.

“Are you not feeling well, Estella?” he asks, and I shake my head quickly. “You do look a little pale.”

“I have a headache. Actually—can I be excused? The food is making me feel nauseous…it’s a really bad migraine.”

“Probably all those paint fumes you breathe in,” he says darkly, and I feel a stab of alarm, worried suddenly that there’s something else he might be able to take from me. “Go rest. You can always call for something if you get hungry again.”

I blurt out my thanks, setting my napkin down and trying not to leave the table too quickly.

I head back upstairs, looking for Sebastian, but he’s nowhere to be seen.

We’re supposed to leave any minute, but I feel sure now that this is a bad idea.

The risk is too high, and the consequences are far higher for him.

Ten minutes past when we were supposed to leave, my door opens without a knock. Sebastian steps in, and looks at me, his expression confused. “Why weren’t you downstairs?” he asks confusedly. “Is that what you’re wearing? It’s pretty but…a little formal for a bowling alley, I think?—”

“I’m not going.”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “Why not?”

“If we get caught, you’ll get fired.” I look at him pleadingly.

“My dad would make sure that you’d never get work again.

He could make sure that no one else hires you as a guard, or…

I don’t know—something worse, maybe! I don’t want something else bad to happen, and this time it’ll be because of me.

I told you that I didn’t want you to leave, and if Dad finds out?—”

“No.” Sebastian shakes his head sharply. “You’re going, Estella.”

I narrow my eyes at him, a spark of rebellion lighting at the way he’s speaking to me. “You can’t tell me what to do?—”

“I’m doing it right now.” He strides to my closet, yanking open the door and peering inside. A moment later, he tosses a pair of designer black jeans and a silky blue off-the-shoulder top onto the bed. “There. Put those on. We’re leaving in ten minutes. You’re already going to be late.”

I stare at him. “Or what?”

His eyes narrow right back at me. “If you’re not ready in ten minutes, you’ll find out, princess,” he warns darkly, crossing his arms over his chest.

He’s not wearing his usual uniform of black cargos or chinos and a black T-shirt, I realize.

He’s wearing a pair of dark jeans with a soft-looking charcoal heathered T-shirt, and he looks more casual somehow, even though the clothes aren’t all that different.

He dressed for me—for this night out. My chest tightens, and I look at him for a long moment, our gazes meeting as Sebastian stands there with his arms crossed, as stubborn as I am.

Something heats in the air, crackling and snapping with that same electricity that I’ve felt before. A part of me wants to dig in my heels, just to find out what would happen next.

But instead, I shove myself up out of my chair, stalking to the bed and grabbing the clothes. “Fine,” I bite out, and stride to the bathroom, closing the door hard behind me as I quickly change.

I yank the dress off, standing there in nothing but my strapless bra and a pair of silky panties, and it hits me that Sebastian is right there, on the other side of the door.

That’s all that’s separating him from me right now, standing here half-naked, and a strange, forbidden thrill runs through me.

I could open the door right now, and see how he reacts. I could let him see me the way I saw him that morning when he got out of the pool wearing almost nothing, and see what his reaction is. If he feels the same way I do.

And then what? If I’m worried about getting caught sneaking out, the punishment for that would be much worse—for Sebastian, anyway. I swallow hard, grabbing the pair of jeans. Anything between Sebastian and me is a fantasy, nothing more. That’s all it can be.

And yet, I feel a sense of danger at the knowledge that we’re going to be alone together tonight, far away from the boundaries of the mansion. A sense that if I’m not careful, this night could turn into something else altogether.

Quickly, I pull on the silky blue top—a flowy blouse that stops just above the waist of my jeans, showing a thin strip of my pale, flat stomach, with fluttery sleeves that drape off my shoulders and down the sides of my arms. I take my hair out of the bun, letting it fall down in thick waves instead, and quickly swipe on some mascara and lip gloss, grabbing both to throw in my clutch as I head back out to find a pair of shoes.

The minute I step out of the bathroom, Sebastian looks at me, and I see the expression on his face.

For a brief moment, it’s as if he can’t look away.

I’d thought about letting him see me in my underwear, but it doesn’t seem to matter how much clothing I have on.

His gaze sweeps over me, his jaw tightening, and there’s something so hungry that flickers in his eyes that it brings me to a stop for that one moment.

And then it passes, his expression clearing, and he jerks his head toward the door.

“We need to go if we’re going to, princess,” he says, and I nod, grabbing a pair of black flats and shoving them on before I snatch my leather clutch and drop my things into it.

“Okay, let’s go.”

The house is quiet when we sneak downstairs.

By now, my father is in his study with a stiff drink and a book, and no one will see him again until the morning.

We walk down the stairs to the back entrance, slipping through the kitchen, and none of the staff pay any attention to us.

They’re too busy cleaning up from dinner, and no one really cares what I do, anyway.

No one other than Sebastian—and now my father, now that it benefits him.

“Follow me,” Sebastian says, leading me past the gardens to a side path.

“This leads out to the road. I’ve got my motorcycle parked there, we’ll take the side gate out.

Brick is watching it for me.” He pauses.

“We do have to be back by two a.m., princess. Brick is going to let us back in before he changes shifts. If someone else is there, I’ll have to figure out how to make sure they don’t say anything to the boss. ”

“Wait.” I balk slightly. “ Motorcycle ? I thought you said you were driving.”

Sebastian winces. “You’re right. I did. Last time I went back to my other place, though, I rode my motorcycle back. Didn’t have time today to swap it for the car.” He gives me an encouraging look. “You’ll be fine, princess. It’s fun. You might even get addicted.”

I think I already might be. I look at Sebastian in the dim light coming from the backyard lighting around the house, his chiseled face and strong jaw thrown into silhouette, and that unfamiliar, clenching sensation of need runs through me again, sharp as if I touched a live wire.

Every time I feel it, I want more. And I can’t imagine anyone else making me feel like this.

Especially not someone I barely know—someone who will be mostly chosen for me, someone who I’ll marry before I can even decide if I really like them or not.

I swallow hard. “I don’t know if I can,” I admit, and Sebastian gives me a crooked smile.

“Come on, princess,” he chides gently. “Be brave.”

That rebellion flickers to life in me again, and I glare at him. “I am brave.”

“So prove it.” He holds out his hand. “Let’s go, before you miss your chance.”