Page 71 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 11

Sunday

For once I was actually happy to be grounded.

I knew I needed Sophie’s help with all this, but I just needed a couple days to wallow on my own.

And I needed a couple days to try to solve the mystery of who my kiss thief might be without having to kiss the whole football team.

So instead of planning a kissing booth with my best friend, I was getting some much needed fresh air.

And going to the only place in the world that could always put a smile on my face.

A place that even my dad couldn’t say no to when I’d asked. Probably because I’d looked so sad all weekend. The only problem was that he’d insisted on coming with me. And I desperately needed to be alone so I could think.

“Are you hungry?” I asked as we made our way down the familiar path at the zoo.

My dad shrugged. “Sure. What would you like, pumpkin?”

“Whatever you’re having,” I said. “I’ll meet you at the red panda exhibit. Bye!”

Before he could even respond, I hurried off. I breathed a sigh of relief when he didn’t follow. I just needed a second alone to think. But as soon as I disappeared into the crowd, the same unhelpful and pesky thoughts returned.

Maybe first kisses didn’t mean much to my mom. But I’d been saving mine for so long for Axel. The idea of my first kiss being his meant everything to me. Him not wanting it hurt. It still hurt. But I was so done hurting.

I’d finally been ready to move on. I’d wanted to give my first kiss to Jacob. I’d so badly wanted it to be him. And I’d thought it was him.

But of course I’d somehow messed that up too. And now I had no idea who I’d just given my first kiss to. My dirty kiss thief could be anyone on the football team. Or a drifter.

And the worst part about all of it was that I’d kissed my kiss thief back. It wasn’t just a peck that maybe I could write off. My first kiss had been one hell of a kiss.

If I hadn’t thought it was Jacob, I would have shoved the guy off. But I had thought it was him. I’d wanted it to be him. And now I just felt more lost than ever.

I sighed when I reached the red panda exhibit. Whatever reprieve I’d hoped to feel didn’t happen.

When I was little, I thought the zoo was the epitome of romance. I’d pictured my first kiss here countless times. It was easy, because I’d dragged Axel here all the time. And it was hard not to let my mind wander when I stared at him.

But he wasn’t here now. I was all alone.

I sat down on a bench and stared at the red pandas. I was pretty sure this was the first time I’d ever not smiled here. And if red pandas couldn’t cheer me up, I knew I was in a bad way.

I pulled my legs up on the bench, wrapping my arms around them. My bottom lip started to tremble.

God, how could this have happened? What other person in the history of first kisses had given it away to a stranger in a dark snake-infested closet? And liked it?

I groaned and closed my eyes. I think that was the worst part.

How much I’d liked it. I’d built first kisses up in my head for years.

And it hadn’t disappointed. The only disappointment was that I didn’t know who I’d kissed.

Well, that and the fact that I was a slut.

There was really no other way to describe it.

I’d practically tried to climb the stranger in the closet.

Maybe I’d called Liam a slut so many times that I’d somehow manifested it and become one myself.

Ugh.

I opened my eyes and stared at the red pandas again. There was one on a branch with his butt in the air and his face in a bunch of leaves. He looked like he was faceplanting the branch. The adorableness couldn’t even cheer me up. And that was very worrisome.

I sighed. I felt exactly the same way as that panda. I’d rather faceplant this bench than ever face reality again.

I pictured Axel’s face when I told him about Operation First Kiss. He’d had zero reaction. All he’d given me was a shrug. Because he didn’t care. Because of course he didn’t. How many more signs did I need?

Him flat out telling me he didn’t want to kiss me would have been mortifying. I should have been grateful that he hadn’t. But maybe I needed to hear those words. I wasn’t sure it would even hurt anymore. I already hurt too much.

I looked at two red pandas nuzzled together as they slept.

Yeah, when adorableness didn’t help, I knew I was in a bad way. But I wasn’t here to wallow. I’d been doing that all weekend.

I was at the zoo so I could get some fresh air so I could think clearly. There had to be more clues about who I’d been with in that closet. I just had to think.

The guy had perfect abs. Strong hands. He’d towered over me. And he’d been hard while we kissed.

I waited for more facts to hit me. But none did. God. I’d been so distracted by how hot the kiss was. And the stupid freaking snakes afterwards!

Maybe there were clues in the texts my kiss thief had sent. I pulled out my phone and stared at his texts for what felt like the millionth time.

“Did you dream about our kiss all night?”

“So you’re lying awake thinking about our kiss instead? Good to know.”

“Why, were you saving your first for someone in particular?”

“Everything you do is my business, Scarlett.”

“There’s only one thing you need to know about me.”

“That I’m going to steal all your firsts.”

“Your kiss thief.”

My heart raced faster and faster at each text from him. This guy seemed to know me. But I’d been with a lot of the same kids in school my whole life.

And there were no new clues from the last time I’d read them. I’d asked him who he was a couple more times with no response.

Maybe one more time wouldn’t hurt. I typed out a text: “Seriously, who is this?” I hit send and waited.

But of course he didn’t respond.

What was the freaking point of texting me in the first place if he wasn’t ever going to text me back?! I wanted to throw my phone.

I thought the fresh air would help but my mind was totally scrambled.

Operation First Kiss had been an epic disaster. So had Operation Too Hot to Handle. Axel would never like me back. There was no point in trying anymore. It was done. I was done.

I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks. God. I quickly wiped them away. I didn’t want to be the psycho crying at the zoo, scaring away children.

But my stupid thoughts wouldn’t stop.

Why wasn’t I enough?

What was so wrong with me ?

I hugged my knees back to my chest and closed my eyes. I tried to put myself back in that closet. I tried to focus on the guy pressed against me.

I’d thought it was Jacob. But there was a good chance it wasn’t. And I wasn’t sure I could ever ask him because I was so mortified. It was bad enough that Sophie knew I was a slut. I didn’t need anyone else to know about this.

“Are you sleeping?” my dad asked.

I opened my eyes. I felt like I’d hit rock bottom. If my dad thought I was sleeping on this bench I bet a bunch of other patrons did too. I probably looked like a homeless person.

I cleared my throat. “No, I was just thinking.”

He handed me a hotdog. “Thinking about what?”

Getting some advice from my dad would probably be helpful. It would certainly be more helpful than my mom’s had been. But I didn’t want my dad to know that I’d kissed anyone. Or he might lock me in my room for good.

“Just...thinking,” I said lamely.

“Hm.”

A lot of people had that reaction to me recently. I took a bite of my hotdog as I stared at the red pandas. I kept staring at the two snuggling. I wondered if one of them had accidentally kissed someone else once. In a snake cage not meant for them.

“Are you okay, pumpkin?” my dad asked. “You’ve been quiet all weekend.”

I shrugged.

“You can talk to me, you know.”

I sniffed. His kind words made me want to cry again. I stared up at him. Maybe I could word this in a way that wouldn’t get me in trouble. “How did you know mom was the one?”

My dad’s eyebrows pulled together. “Well, first of all, I was in my late 20s.”

I sighed. Apparently my dad wasn’t going to be helpful. I took another bite of my hotdog. The zoo had been a mistake. It just made me realize that I wasn’t a kid anymore. And a few cute animals couldn’t make my day.

My dad cleared his throat. “But when I was with her it always felt easier to breathe.”

“Easier to breathe?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah.” He turned to look at the red pandas again.

That was actually very interesting. When I was nervous and my heart was racing, it was a little hard to breathe.

That was how Axel had been making me feel recently.

Or maybe being pissed at him made my heart race?

I used to feel comfortable around him. And I still did sometimes. But recently I’d just been so confused.

But Jacob? He calmed me. He made it easier to breathe. I smiled.

The smile immediately fell from my face though. It didn’t matter if Axel or Jacob made it easier to breathe. I was pretty sure I hadn’t kissed either of them.

“Why do you ask?” my dad said.

I looked back up at him. “I was just wondering. Mom told me you were a dick to her at first.”

He laughed. “She did not say that.”

“I’m paraphrasing.”

He shook his head.

“But...were you?”

He finished his hot dog and sighed. “I tried to keep my distance because I didn’t think I was good enough for her.”

I wondered if maybe that’s what Axel was doing. Keeping his distance because he thought he wasn’t good enough for me. I pressed my lips together. No. That couldn’t be it. He was the captain of the football team. He was a great student. Everyone loved him. He was amazing.

I swallowed hard. Maybe that was the problem. I was the one that wasn’t good enough for him. I really hated that thought. But it was a lot more likely that I was my dad in this situation. And Axel was my mom.

No, that didn’t make any sense either. Because I wasn’t being the dick. Axel was. Thinking about dicks made me think about the one pressed against my stomach on Friday night.

God, I was such a mess.

I finished my hotdog and stared at the red pandas. The two that had been sleeping were awake now. And they were wrassling.

I wanted to smile and just get lost in their cuteness, but my head wouldn’t stop spinning.

All I’d gotten from this conversation was that sometimes when you were in love you acted like a dick. And when you were in love it felt easier to breathe.

Axel was a dick.

And Jacob made it easier for me to breathe.

I definitely preferred how the second thing made me feel.

I wasn’t even sure why I was thinking about this though. Even if I came clean about everything to Jacob? All the operations and phases? I’d still have to tell him I kissed a rando in a closet.

He’d never look at me the same.

I wasn’t sure I’d find it easy to breathe ever again.

Not until I solved the mystery of who my kiss thief was. It was time to get Sophie’s help.