Page 59 of Flameborne: Chosen (Emberquell Academy #1)

Realizing I’d been glaring at Donavyn like he answered to me, I dropped my eyes, lowered my chin, and submitted. “I’m sorry,” I breathed. “I didn’t see it. I’m sorry.”

There was a heavy sigh and all the tension went out of his body. “Bren—”

I jerked back from his extended hand. From his pity .

I was coated in shame. “I won’t do it again.

Not the going out or… or anything else. You don’t have to worry about me.

I won’t put any of you in this position again.

You have my word,” I murmured, then prayed I could hold back the tears and not embarrass myself further.

~ DONAVYN ~

“Bren—”

But she ducked her head and shrank. Shaking, pale, green around the edges—she was clearly worse for the wear after last night.

I’d thought this was the way to show her that I didn’t hold her solely responsible.

I knew she needed to connect more with her squad.

And they knew they should have done better. The discipline was needed, dammit!

But I couldn’t shake that horror that I’d seen wash over her when I grew angry. All that fire she’d been showing just blown out like smoke on the wind. It reminded me of how she’d been that first day she’d arrived, so timid and uncertain of herself, expecting rejection.

“I won’t do it again,” she breathed as my heart sank. Ronen’s words echoed in my head, a kicked puppy. “Not the going out or… or anything else. You don’t have to worry about me. I won’t put any of you in this position again. You have my word. May I go, Sir?”

I sighed. “Of course. But Bren—"

She bolted for the door and my heart tried to leap from my chest to go after her.

It was instinct to snap a hand out, to catch her wrist, to stop her—but when I did, she flinched.

I let her go quickly and raised my hands so she’d see that I wasn’t trying to hurt her. “I didn’t mean to scare you, but don’t leave. Not yet.”

She reluctantly turned to face me, but her head was down, eyes on the floor, her shoulders rounded.

Outside in the hallway shouts and laughter echoed as Furyknights moved through the building.

I cursed at the door her brothers had left open, then slipped past her quickly to close it.

When the room was quiet again, I turned to face her, fighting the urge to touch her.

I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t risk it. Last night had been the most serious breach of conduct of my career and I was still trying to figure out how to handle it.

But I had to break through to her somehow.

She was getting smaller, more fearful with every passing breath.

I was terrified she’d shrink back into the timid, fearful woman she’d been when she arrived.

“Bren, look at me.”

Her throat bobbed, but she raised her head and her eyes slowly crept up to meet mine.

“Bren, I didn’t discipline them to punish you. For anything.”

She nodded, but she was just appeasing me. “I understand. Can I go now? Please,Sir?”

“I won’t force you to stay, but I hope you’ll listen: the dragon herds are so unified, it’s so important for us as Furyknights to find that same sense of camaraderie, to truly work together in all things, not just in battle and…”

She nodded, but her eyes were glazed.

Shit.

I cleared my throat. “I would have taken that action with any squad where one member was being held outside in any manner. This had nothing to do with last night,” I said uncomfortably.

She nodded again, but her eyes darted towards the door.

How do I help her?

“Bren—”

“Please,” she breathed, and a shiver rocked through her. “Please, just let me go. I’ll do better. Just… don’t make them angry with me again. I can’t… it won’t…” Her chin trembled and I felt like an ass.

Of course, she didn’t understand unity and the partnership needed in a squad—they hadn’t shown it to her yet. Now she thought she’d be punished by them . But that wasn’t the way of the Furyknights.

I muttered a curse under my breath and prayed for the right words because I couldn’t touch her. That was just playing with fire—and would confuse her. I had to keep this professional. Had to make it clear to her. “I just want to be certain you can see that—”

“Please, Donavyn,” she said in a cracked whisper, and her eyes welled.

But she blinked the tears back and forced herself to stand to attention, though her chin wobbled with every word.

“I’m sorry. I was wrong last night. And I give you my word, I’ll tell them every time.

And I’ll do as Ronen says and I won’t go out without them.

Just don’t make them pay for my misconduct.

I never wanted to upset you or… I just misjudged—”

“No,” I muttered and she flinched. I sighed and swallowed back the dark tone, trying to force my voice to gentleness. “Bren, this isn’t punishment. You didn’t do anything wrong,” I admitted through my teeth.

Her brows pinched to a V and her eyes snapped to mine, confused.

I swallowed hard and made myself tell her the truth.

“You weren’t wrong. You didn’t misjudge.

The… the feeling is there and you perceived that.

That’s my fault. I’m sorry. I assure you that I take full responsibility for anything untoward. ”

Her eyes went round. “But—”

“But it makes no difference. We’ve been thrown together—and gladly. I want to see you succeed. I meant every word. But that doesn’t change the fact that, in no uncertain terms: we can’t.”

She went very still, eyes locked with mine. She licked her lips because she was nervous and a twang of desire bolted through me .

Dammit.

“I need you to understand…” I cleared my throat.

“I’m not angry with you. And I don’t belittle any of that.

But, my life is not my own. I am a servant—and so are you.

Our service is first to the crown and our dragons, then to each other.

As siblings.” My voice was ragged. “No matter what I might feel, I know that this…” I shook a finger between her and I.

“It cannot be. I am deeply ashamed for… for causing confusion—”

“You didn’t—”

I cleared my throat again and looked down to get my words straight.

“I mean now. Today. By not speaking with you or clarifying before I came to the squad. I thought it was better to pretend it hadn’t happened.

To let you see that I could conduct myself as normal and without pressure for you.

I was trying to build the bridge past any awkwardness, but I handled this poorly. I apologize for that.”

I met her eyes again and my chest squeezed at the intensity in her shining eyes. Yet, I grieved the fear that remained there. That shadow that had brought her to us believing herself worth so little.

“I won’t allow that confusion to occur again.

You have my word. You are in good standing, Bren.

You have great potential. Your slow start is only strengthening for the greater battle.

Hear me: you are strong and capable, intelligent, and determined.

You will be a Furyknight,” I said hoarsely.

“I say that with such confidence that I’m certain you no longer need my personal training.

It’s your squad to whom you must prove yourself now, and they to you.

That’s what I attempted to establish today. I assure you, that was my only intent.”

I took a deep breath and drank in the sight of her wide, shocked eyes, because I knew I couldn’t let myself have these moments with her alone anymore.

Even letting my thoughts brush up against those moments clutching her to me, riding together—my body responded. I cleared my throat. I couldn’t touch her again. Not and keep my honor.

“I’ll pray blessings on you every day,” I rasped. “But especially for your trials. I know you can do it, Bren. Don’t let yourself give up.”

Her eyes were wide and shocked, her lower jaw slack. And I was so desperate to hear her say she returned my feeling, that I forced myself to turn on my heel and stalk out of the room before she could respond.

It wasn’t fleeing, I told myself as I marched quickly down the corridor outside. I was merely making certain that there could be no accusations of impropriety.

I couldn’t be alone with the female Flameborne in a quiet room .

I couldn’t.

Whether we were discovered there or not.

I couldn’t allow her reputation to be tarnished. Or mine. I had to take a step back. She was cleared to fly now. Her brothers could help her with the rest. They needed to be the ones to help her.

A great weight settled on my shoulders when I thought of never being alone with her again, but I shook it off.

A good leader—a good man —chose what was best for others over choosing for himself. He used his strength to bolster those that were weaker. That’s what I’d been doing, and now this was what I needed to be for her.

This was for the best. I nodded to myself. If she was to have any chance at becoming a Furyknight, she had to rely entirely on her squad—and they on her. Stepping aside to let them all find their way together was for the best. For both of us.

I was sure of it.

So why did it feel like tearing my heart out of my chest?