Page 31 of Finding Forgiveness

His eyes move from the bed to me, but a split second later, he looks away. “Right.”

“Good night.”

“Good night. You know where my room is if you need anything.”

What I need is you, Connor Maloney.Boy, do I need him. The problem is I can’t have him. Not in the way that I want. The secrets that I keep will forever stand in the way of that.

When he turns to leave, I reach out, grasping hold of his hand. “Con.”

He glances at me over his shoulder. “Yeah, Cass.”

“Thanks for letting me stay here.”

He nods his head. “No problem.”

I drop his hand, and he closes the door on his way out. There is so much left unsaid between us, like there’s a giant, unsurmountable wall standing in our way. But the implications that come with climbing that hurdle will only destroy the little we have left.

I move over to the bed and plonk down onto the mattress. The impulse I had a few minutes ago returns with a vengeance, so I reach over and grab the pillow—the one he rested his head on—bringing it to my nose and inhaling deeply.

Yep, I was right.

“Rise and shine, biatch,” I hear before the room is suddenly flooded with light.

I hesitantly lift my head from the pillow, groaning as I do, and spy the culprit through my one squinty eye. Ugh. “What the hell, Jaz.”

Her arms are spread wide, and she’s sporting a ridiculous smile for so early in the day. “Welcome to Peasantsville, my friend. Up and at ’em.” I flop back down, face-first onto the pillow when she loudly claps her hands together. “Chop, chop.”

Have I traded one dictator for another?

“Go away,” I grumble into the fabric.

“No can do I’m afraid,” she says, grabbing the end of the quilt and tearing it from my body.

“Eww,” she screeches. “Where are your clothes?”

“I’m not wearing any,” I retort grinning.

“I can see that. What the hell, Cass.”

When she throws the quilt back onto the bed, my shoulders bob with laughter. A few days ago—when I was in the depths of despair—I doubted I’d ever laugh again. It makes me think of what Connor said to me on the plane,“I’m not buried, I’ve been planted”.

They are words I never knew I wanted to hear, and in some way, it’s brought me out of my funk. It’s made me see things from a different perspective. I’ve spent the last six years punishing my mother for the things she did, but it’s time to move forward and get my life back. I want to prove to him,to the world, that I can in fact shine.

I drag the quilt over my body and roll onto my back. “I was too tired to go through my suitcases after I got out of the shower, so I climbed into bed. Don’t you dare tell me that you’ve never slept naked, Jacinta Maloney, because I won’t believe you. Especially, with that big hunk of man meat sleeping beside you.” When her face turns bright red, I find myself smiling again. “Exactly,” I say, pointing an accusing finger in her direction.

She turns away and heads for the door because she knows I’m right. “Get dressed, we have stuff to do.”

“What kind of stuff?” I ask, abruptly sitting up.

“We are going out for breakfast, then we’re calling by the studio to talk to Brooke about a job.”

“Can’t I have a day to wallow?”

“No,” she snaps, looking over her shoulder with narrowed eyes. God, I love this girl.

I wait until she’s left the room before I throw back the covers and rise from the bed.It’s your time to shine,I tell myself as I lift one of my suitcases onto the bed and unzip it.

“Let’s see what you have to offer, Peasantsville,” I mumble under my breath.