Finding Forgiveness

Sometimes forgiveness is better than the alternative.

Connor: Cassandra Lewis has owned my heart for as long as I can remember. When I was nineteen years old, I told her I loved her for the first time … she said she loved me back, but two days later, she ghosted me. For years, I’ve tried to hate her, tried to move on, but no matter how many women I bed, my thoughts always lead back to her. It doesn’t help when she’s my little sister’s best friend—she’s like a constant torture I can’t escape. As soon as I graduated from college,...

Sometimes forgiveness is better than the alternative.

Connor: Cassandra Lewis has owned my heart for as long as I can remember. When I was nineteen years old, I told her I loved her for the first time … she said she loved me back, but two days later, she ghosted me. For years, I’ve tried to hate her, tried to move on, but no matter how many women I bed, my thoughts always lead back to her. It doesn’t help when she’s my little sister’s best friend—she’s like a constant torture I can’t escape. As soon as I graduated from college, I took a job in another state. I told my family it was all that was available. That was a lie. The truth is I was running from the woman who ripped my heart out and stomped on it like it meant nothing.

When my sister crosses the border to move in with me, the woman I can’t seem to let go of is back. The push and pull between us is stronger than ever, and it’s only a matter of time before we implode.

Cassie: I’ve obsessed about Connor Maloney since I was thirteen years old. Believe me, I’m not alone. His good looks and charismatic personality made him very desirable. I stood on the sidelines for years as he moved from one girl to the next … I was almost sixteen when he finally noticed me, and what a glorious day that was. From the outside looking in, I had it all. Money, looks, talent, great friends, but what I lacked most in life was love. To my parents, I was a burden that stood in the way of their fancy jobs and lifestyles. I had an endless line of credit to placate me in lieu of their presence. Connor was the first person to show me what true love looked like, and consequently, I fell hard and fast. Lying to my best friend was a heavy weight on my shoulders, but I was addicted to her big brother, and the way he made me feel, so I couldn’t let him go. That is until my mother got involved and forced my hand. The sequence of events that followed my altercation with her still haunts me to this day, but hurting him paled in comparison to the alternative.

All these years later, I can still see the longing in his eyes, but if he knew the truth of my betrayal, he’d hate me. How can I expect him to forgive me for what I did, when I can’t even forgive myself?