Page 29

CHAPTER 29

ETNA

“We have time for one more game before we have to head to the arena,” Hilt says.

The guys are gathered in my and Keno’s hotel room in Nashville with our laptops and headsets, playing an online space shooter game with Lo and Caulder. Okay, just with Lo. Caulder’s online, but he’s there to chat. He doesn’t play shooter games.

Lo has the day off, but Caulder’s in L.A. Actually, I think Caulder’s at Noah Kain’s house because Noah and his boyfriend Elixon are both online with us, though Noah says this isn’t the kind of game he usually plays online.

I think he’s lying, since he’s got the best shot of all of us.

It’s not exactly a team game, but as long as we sign into the same game play type, we’ll dive into the same world and can meet up and carry out missions together from there. It’s worked well so far. I enjoy it more on the television when the screen is huge and I can see everything more clearly, but it’s not bad.

“You’re playing Nashville today, right?” Lo asks.

“Yep,” Hilt answers.

“They’re not doing that great,” Lo says.

“Doing as good as Buffalo,” Caulder mutters. I can hear the frown in his voice. He sighs. “I swear, we’ve got freakin’ magic on the team and still suck ass.”

Lo snorts.

“Meanwhile, we got superstars Toronto and L.A. in the house,” Horny says. “You guys are having great seasons.”

“Meh,” Noah answers. “We’re doing well enough. I don’t think we’ll make it to the playoffs, but it’s going well.”

“I don’t know. I think you have a good chance,” Hilt says. “I’m not saying you’ll win the Cup, but I think you may make it.”

“You’ve been watching Toby Eads’ feed, haven’t you?” Noah asks, amused.

“Of course,” we all say together.

Noah laughs. “Just so you know, he finds it hilarious that the hockey players follow his predictions like they’re words from a god.”

“Dude, if the sports anchors were even half as accurate as him, we’d know what’s going to happen before it even happened,” Julian says. “I’m glad there’s only one man as good as Toby is at predicting the outcome of all teams. It means he doesn’t have time to fully concentrate on any one team and make us entirely redundant.”

“I think at some point if that happened, teams would start throwing the games just to prove him wrong,” Noah says, laughing.

“It would make the other team work that much harder to ensure Toby’s prediction came to fruition,” Hilt says. “In some ways, I think Toby’s predictions make us better players and teams—whether it’s to prove him wrong or prove him right, depending on how he views you.”

“There are worse things,” Noah says. “I’m dreading the day he says I’m slowing down.”

“I think we all are,” Hilt agrees. “I’m retiring before he comes for me.”

“Oh, speaking of games,” I cut in, “Caulder, that goal you made the other night was sick.”

“Thanks,” Caulder answers. “I feel like I make that shot once every four years.”

I laugh. “I hear you. Having the room to scoop the puck and spin around to shoot it without interference isn’t common. Still, I’ve seen that shot come up in my feed no less than a dozen times today.”

“It’s definitely one of my favorites to make,” Caulder says. “I was convinced growing up that it would be my calling card. I used to practice scooping the puck for hours. Man, was I disappointed when I realized how impractical it is to make during games.”

“Not impossible,” Keno says. “You’ve managed a handful in your career.”

“They were much easier to come by throughout high school. College is where I really noticed it wasn’t happening. I always found it strange since all these kids in college had just left high school. It’s like they took a shot of professional aggression, and I was no longer presented with nearly as many opportunities as I had been the year before.”

“Where’d you go to college?” Keno asks.

“Eastern State in Arizona.”

“Ah. Where Coach Adak came from,” Noah says. “Did you have him as a coach?”

“For two and a half years,” Caulder says. “He accepted the Anaheim job a couple months before I accepted my Buffalo contract. It sucked to lose him, but I’m thankful he was there for as long as he was. I often wonder if I’d be as far as I am without him.”

“He’s doing great things in Carolina,” Julian says.

“I’m just glad he got out of Anaheim. It got dangerous quickly,” Caulder says.

“Behind you, Lo,” Horny says, turning our attention back to the game for a minute.

“Yep, got it. Thanks,” Lo answers.

We’re quiet for several minutes as we focus on the game and the battalion we’re working on taking out. The room is filled with gunshots, and I can’t help but glance at the door. If someone walks by, they’re going to have some questions.

When it’s quiet and we’re back to scavenging for our missions, Lo asks, “How’s wedding planning coming?”

Keno glances up at me and we exchange a smile.

“Good,” I answer. “I think we’ve finally gotten to a place where every decision doesn’t feel like life or death.”

“He means every decision is no longer overwhelming,” Keno says. “Having some great vendors helps. And Julian knows his way around making a decision easier, so that’s been helpful too.”

We both give Julian a grin.

He smiles in return. “Glad to help. And stuff my face.”

“Oh, hey,” Noah says. “Your wedding is at the end of June, right?”

“Yep. Did you get the invitation?” Keno asks.

“Yes,” Elixon, who hasn’t talked much yet, answers when Noah doesn’t. “It’s in the calendar and hanging on the fridge.”

“Oh good. House boyfriend has already put you on the schedule,” Noah says. I chuckle. “Anyway, I’m asking because… I just realized that this might be inappropriate timing. I’m going to add a disclaimer here that this isn’t meant to be exclusive and leave anyone out.”

“Just spit it out,” Horny says.

“The Gays Can Play guys always get together over the summer for a couple weeks on a yacht. It’s massive and luxurious and expensive.” He laughs. “I’ve asked them to hold off scheduling in case you want to go. We try to book it for May or June, depending on the playoffs. But I don’t imagine you’d want to go right before your wedding. And I’m guessing right after your wedding is your honeymoon, yeah?”

Keno looks at me. “We haven’t scheduled a honeymoon yet. But I think we were planning it for immediately following.”

“So, if we booked the cruise for the end of July into August, a last hurrah for the summer before training camps start, think you might want to go?”

Keno shrugs, eyes still on me. But he’s smiling.

“Sure,” I answer. “Sounds good.”

“Awesome. Now you can convince Lo and Caulder to come, too.”

“Why don’t you want to go?” Horny asks. “I’m not even gay and I totally want to go.”

“We invite straight guys all the time when they hear us talking about it. Then they back out when they realize it’s upwards of fifty gay, bi, and pan guys walking around in Speedos for two weeks talking about dick,” Noah says, laughing.

Horny squints his eyes. I can see that he’s debating the tradeoff.

“Before you answer”—Noah directs to Caulder and Lo—“this has nothing to do with the leagues agendas of advertising inclusivity. This is just us hanging out. Gay guys from other sports join us too. It’s just for fun. No cameras. No speeches. No being a role model. Most of the places we stop at are off the grid and the crew signs NDAs. We’ve had the same crew for several years now and we trust them. I swear, it’s nothing but fun.”

“We’ll talk about it,” Lo promises.

“We’ve been talking about it,” Caulder clarifies. “You’re not the first, nor will you be the last to bring it up.”

“No offense to our straight friends here, but sometimes, it’s nice to be surrounded by people who completely understand your life. The struggles, challenges, obstacles… Again, we have some great friends who aren’t gay and they’re still loud allies, but no matter how aggressively they support us, they will never know what it’s like to live this life. For two weeks, we’re surrounded by people who do. No questions. No glances or people looking away. Just us living in a world that we wish we could be surrounded by all the time,” Noah explains.

“You sure you want us to go?” Keno asks. “I get that we’re… not straight, I guess, but we haven’t lived that life.”

“You are now,” Caulder says quietly. “The longer you live it, the more you’ll understand. It’s not a choice.”

Keno looks at me. I wonder what he’s thinking. Regret? Dread? But he smiles. “I’ve already seen the impact of my presence when I was going along with the gay label,” Keno says. “I may not understand what the kids I’ve worked with are going through from experience, but to see how much hope they have in their faces when they see me and what I’m representing to them? It’s a glimpse into an unfair world I was always thankful to be leaving a small, positive mark on.”

“It’s not all bad,” Lo says.

“If it was good, you wouldn’t have remained closeted for most of your life,” Caulder points out.

Lo chuckles. “That’s fair.”

“I hate to end this discussion,” Hilt cuts in, “but we need to get going. The bus is heading out in forty-five minutes.”

“Head to extractions,” Noah instructs.

We’re quiet as we finish the mission and get out of the game with our loot. I can’t decide if I’m wondering about the nastiness in the world that we’re now going to face, or the hope Keno has spoken of many times since attending the events for queer youth.