Page 28

CHAPTER 28

KENO

Our guest list is closer to 200 than either of us realized. Especially once we added in our hockey friends from around the country. At one point, we realized it seemed silly to try to cut it back, so we went all in. We’re only having one wedding. That’s it. Might as well pull out all the stops so there are no regrets later.

Today, our friends are here and we’re stuffing invites to mail out in an assembly line. Julian is stamping our RSVP envelopes with our PO Box address in the recipient and return address spots to make sure it’s returned to us, no matter what. Then it moves on to Horny, who adds a stamp in the corner and stuffs the RSVP card under the envelope flap. He hands them to Hilt, who adds them into the big envelope with the invitation and seals the envelope.

Then it comes to me. I place the decorative sticker with a K and E intertwined over the envelope flap on the back and a stamp on the front, then hand it to Etna last. He adds the recipient’s address label and checks those people off the list, dumping it into a box for the post office.

The whole process is moving smoothly and somewhat efficiently. Yes, we’re getting a lot of paper cuts. It’s going to suck tomorrow when our hands get sweaty and they all sting. What will Coach say? I smirk thinking about it.

“This the last thing on your list to do?” Horny asks.

“Ha!” I say and Etna snorts, “Not even close.”

“What’s left?”

“What’s not left?” I counter. “Rentals, decorations, getting vendors to respond, alcohol…”

“This is at a resort, right?” Hilt asks. Etna and I nod. “Then I’m sure they can take care of the alcohol. They probably prefer to.”

We look at each other and I think we both release a breath. That’s just one thing, but hell, it’s one thing! Yes, please.

“Good idea. We’ll call Melissa in a bit. We need to give her our headcount again now that it’s higher than we gave her two days ago.”

“How did you order invitations without knowing how many you needed?” Julian asks.

I give him an amused look. “We ordered 500. It had the best discount.”

“What the fuck are you going to do with the 300 extra?” Horny asks.

We shrug.

“Kindling?” Etna says. “Shred it into confetti?”

“Ohh, maybe we can find someone to cut confetti out of the extra. Into penises, maybe,” Horny suggests.

“Or hockey sticks,” Julian counters. “Be a little appropriate. No one wants penis confetti all over their tables at a wedding.”

“Who said anything about using it at the wedding?” Horny asks. “I just think penis confetti would be a cool memento.”

“Wow, dude. That was a wild waste of money,” Hilt says, bringing us back on topic and shaking his head. “Why didn’t you just hire a wedding planner? You probably could have spent that money on them, and you’d be less stressed.”

My hands pause over the envelope I’m sealing and look up. I meet Etna’s eyes and for a minute, we just stare at each other. Then laugh.

“Honestly? It never occurred to us,” Etna says.

“Besides, while yes, it has its stressful moments, I’m enjoying this,” I admit.

“Mostly,” Etna adds, holding up his bleeding finger.

Grinning, I add another bandage before kissing it. He gives me a big smile.

“You’re turning so damn sappy,” Horny says.

“Don’t be jealous, man,” Julian counters before we can. “It’s sweet.”

Horny rolls his eyes.

Etna’s phone rings. Picking it up, he flashes the screen to me before answering. It’s the realtor. My heart jumps, and I tell the guys to take a break for a minute as I watch Etna stand and pace away.

“Yeah,” he says. Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. “That’s awesome. Hold on just a second.” Etna turns to me and I’m holding my breath, even though he’s smiling widely. “They accepted our offer.”

The air comes whooshing out of my lungs. “What? They did?”

Etna laughs, pulling me to my feet and wrapping an arm around my waist. “They did. It’s ours.”

I close my eyes and laugh in relief. “We got the house,” I repeat.

“Here,” Etna says, holding his phone out to me.

“Hey, Albrecht,” I greet.

“Congratulations. With both of your permission, I’ll accept the offer, and we can get an inspection scheduled.”

“Yes, please do that. Thank you. When should we list my house? Now?”

“Let’s make sure nothing comes back on the inspection. Once closing is scheduled, then we can list your house. I don’t want you to end up in a hotel or rental if something falls through.”

I rest my head against Etna’s. “Thanks. That would kind of suck.”

“It would. Okay, I’ll get things going. Congrats, again. We’ll talk soon.”

“Thank you. Later.” I hang up and wrap both my arms around Etna’s neck. “We got our house,” I whisper.

“Together,” he says.

My arms tighten.

“What happened?” Horny calls. “Which of you is pregnant?”

I’m reminded of Edna at Christmas, convinced we’d knocked up the same girl. I’ve wondered a couple times since then if the day in Vegas hadn’t happened, and we hadn’t seen the drunk married couple come out of the Vegas wedding chapel, and I hadn’t made the joke about marrying him, maybe we’d have found a girl to share.

If that’s the life we’d have led. Sharing a girl as a means to stay as close as possible. Share a girl; share a family.

Then I wonder if we would have ended up together anyway and eventually left the girl for each other.

Does that mean, in the end, we’d have ended up just like this either way? I suppose this way, one less person gets hurt.

“We put in an offer on a house together on the other side of Phoenix,” Etna explains. “That was our realtor telling us our offer was accepted.”

“That’s amazing,” Hilt says. “Congrats.”

“Ohh! I can’t wait to see it,” Horny adds.

“I thought you were looking for one on the lake?” Julian asks.

“We were, but the one that was coming up on the lake needed a lot of work. The one we bought on the canal is amazing, finished, and ready for us to live in immediately,” I tell him.

“Ah. And still on the water. That sounds more like it.”

Etna kisses my cheek. “Let’s finish these damn invitations so we can all soak our booboos in aloe or something.”

I laugh and we rejoin our friends around the table.

“Have you thought about where you’re going on your honeymoon?” Hilt asks.

“Oh!” I grab my phone and wake up the screen, open the pin board app, and scroll until I find what I’m looking for. “Look at this kink cottage!”

Etna raises an eyebrow as he takes my phone from me. It’s a one-room cottage, and the entire place is built for kink. The bed is caged, there’s a St. Andrew’s Cross, a sex swing, benches, toys, whips… basically, if you can name it, it’s there.

He looks at me. “Really?”

I laugh. “I don’t know. Maybe. Could be fun, right?”

“I think we have a ways to go before we’re ready for a kink-cation.”

“We still have four and a half months,” I point out. “We’ll be ready to explore some other things by then.”

Etna studies me as I add an embossed sticker to the back of the card in front of me and a stamp on the front before handing it to him. He’s still staring at me, not taking the card.

“What exactly are you interested in, Keno?” he asks, narrowing his eyes.

I shrug. “Not sure. I don’t have something specific in mind. I just saw it and thought it could be fun.”

He takes the card from me but still doesn’t look away. “I see…”

“Does that mean you’re enjoying your gay sex shit?” Horny asks.

“Yes,” we say together. Etna finally smiles and returns to the task at hand.

“Huh,” Horny says. “I’m a little surprised.”

“Why?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess because you’re straight, so I didn’t think you’d like it.”

I shrug. “Guess I’m not straight.”

“Just like that?” Horny asks, frowning.

“In hindsight, I’ve probably never been straight. Probably always been curious.”

“And you?” he asks Etna.

“I think even you’re less straight than you think you are, Horny. We grow up in a world where we’re practically brainwashed into heterosexuality and anything other than that is taboo. I’m willing to bet if you gave it a chance, you wouldn’t hate it either,” Etna answers.

Horny stares at him for a minute before silently looking down.

“The p-spot—the man’s g-spot—is in the ass,” Julian points out.

Hilt snorts, shaking his head.

“I bet wifey pegs you,” Horny accuses Hilt. Though he’s teasing, a big old smile on his face, he’s stunned into staring creepily when Hilt just smiles and shrugs.

“Well, fuck,” Horny mutters.

“Life is good all around, then,” Hilt says, turning his attention to us.

“Yep,” I say. “This is maybe the point where we jinx ourselves, but… we’re happy.”