Page 48 of Fear of Love (Falling #3)

We were at a cute Italian restaurant on the other side of the city for our date. Technically, our first date. While we went out to eat together and saw each other nonstop the last two months, this was the first time Landon, or I, asked the other to go on an actual date.

We did things out of order, but I didn’t mind. We were going at our own pace.

I took a bite of the restaurant’s mouthwatering garlic knot before finally voicing the question. It was one I had pushed aside for too long, afraid of what the answer might be. But things changed, my feelings for Landon had only grown, and I wanted to know every part of who he was.

“Why haven't there been any girlfriends?” I asked. I didn’t really want to know about past relationships—who did?—but like myself, Landon had walls up. Walls that I knew came from someone because a guy like Landon shouldn’t have been single.

“There’s been a few,” he replied vaguely as he took a pull of his beer.

“And?” I pushed.

“There’s nothing to tell.” I knew that was bullshit. Early after we first hooked up, he told me he didn’t want a relationship. From one shattered heart to another, I recognized the signs. There was a reason he was so against relationships.

“I don’t believe that.”

“Alright.” He sighed, setting his beer down.

“My last real relationship was about four years ago. I was still an accountant when I met her. She came up to me at a bar while I was out with a few of Wyatt’s teammates at the time,” Landon explained, his expression unreadable.

“Something about her caught my attention right away.

I thought we really clicked, and not long after, we started seeing each other.

His tone made my neck prickle. It was obvious that whatever happened ended badly. It sounded like it still haunted him. The kind of lingering pain that I understood all too well.

“We’d been together for six months, and I was finally ready to tell her I was falling in love.

I planned a whole night with flowers and a reservation at a nice restaurant.

But the moment I told her how I felt, she hit me with the truth.

She didn’t actually have feelings for me.

She was just using me to get closer to Wyatt. ”

My heart sank to my stomach. No.

“Wyatt had just won the Cup Championship, and she wanted to be with someone who had status , not a lowly accountant. Her words, by the way.” His jaw clenched as his tone turned bitter. “She ended up leaving me at the restaurant, and I never heard from her again.”

It was no wonder he was closed off. He let someone in, only to be used as a stepping stone to get closer to his brother. She manipulated him, made him fall in love, and then heartlessly rejected him.

“And that’s my sob story,” Landon said as he chugged the rest of his beer.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. Now I felt like shit for making him tell me. “I shouldn’t have pushed you to tell the story.”

“It’s fine.” But the tense set of his jaw and the shadow in his eyes told a different story, revealing the pain he was trying to push away.

“Lan—” I went to say but someone appeared at our table. Our conversation was pushed to the side as the owner of the restaurant, a sweet Italian woman, asked how our food was. By the time she left our table, the window had closed to say more about what he just told me.

When Landon changed the subject to Josie and Wyatt’s wedding, I let it slide. He clearly didn’t want to think more about it, and I wasn’t about to push anymore than I had.

Thirty minutes passed and we finished our food, our conversations bouncing from the wedding, to Mateo, and the Hockey for Kids event that was coming up.

“Is Wyatt’s coach single by any chance?” I randomly asked as the two of us stood, ready to leave.

“Got a thing for older guys?” Landon quirked an eyebrow.

“Obviously, the older the better.” He snorted at my remark. “But seriously, is he?”

“I believe so. I think he got divorced years ago.” Landon moved to my left side so he could grab my hand, our fingers interlocking. I absolutely loved how touchy Landon was. “Why?” he questioned.

“Nothing really. I just…” I started to say as we stepped out of the restaurant right as another couple tried to walk through. I froze as I caught sight of the one person I wished to never see again. Everything around me narrowed into a tunnel at the sight of the couple in front of me.

“Lydia?” That voice. It was enough to make my body go rigid. I didn’t know how I got my vocal cords to work.

“Jared.” Not in a million years did I think I’d see his face again. My eyes took in the guy in front of me who I once knew better than myself.

His brown hair was longer than when I last saw it.

He was sporting an ugly looking mustache, which was ironic considering he could never grow a beard.

The guy I once thought was tall and fit now looked scrawny with a bit of a beer belly under his shirt.

Those brown eyes I used to stare into were looking at me like a kid did a candy store.

I forced my eyes away from him to look at the woman on his arm. I expected to see a familiar brunette that I once considered my best friend, but my eyes widened when, instead, I saw a tall red head. Huh.

“Oh, wow, it’s been a long time,” Jared said, as if I wasn’t internally freaking the fuck out. “You look…” he ran his eyes over me, “amazing.”

“Thanks,” I barely managed to get out through the rock-sized lump in my throat. There were so many emotions running through me, I could barely think straight.

“Oh, sorry. This is Becca. Becca this is Lydia. We were friends in uni,” Jared introduced.

As soon as the word ‘friends’ came out of his mouth, my eyes narrowed.

Anger took over completely. We were far from just friends, and he knew that.

The audacity to stand here, six years later, and label us as nothing more than what we truly were was an insult.

“Nice to meet you.” She greeted me with a smile. Deep down, I was relieved she wasn’t the person I thought would be with Jared. Otherwise, I’d be throwing punches at her, injured hand or not.

“And you are?” Jared turned to ask Landon. The way he looked at Landon had me stepping closer to his side.

“Landon.” Landon’s tone was sharp. I couldn’t look away from Jared, but I knew Landon was glaring at him. When they shook hands, Jared pulled back, subtly shaking his hand like Landon squeezed too hard. It probably shouldn’t have made me smirk but it did.

“I’m glad I ran into you.” Jared turned back to me, giving me a second once-over. “I’d love it if we could meet and catch up.” God, he really was daft. Had he forgotten everything he put me through? The fury building inside me erupted, and I didn’t even attempt to restrain it.

“You’re fucking kidding me right?” The voice that came out of my mouth made him and Becca flinch. “You think I’d want to meet and ‘catch up?’” The laugh that left my throat was anything but humorous. “Not a chance in hell.”

“Wha—” Becca tried to say, as if she was going to jump in and defend her boyfriend.

“You are the biggest piece of shit I’ve ever met, Jared.

You really think after six years you can come up to me and act like you didn’t do what you did?

” The words poured out of my mouth. “Nice to see Cass finally came to her senses and left you. If I were you,” I turned to Becca, “I’d get as far away from him as you can. ”

I gave Jared one last look, scrunching my nose up at the fact I used to think he was the most attractive guy on the planet.

“Fuck you.” Not bothering to waste my breath on him, I turned on my heel and headed for Landon’s truck, leaving the couple staring after me in silence.

The only reason I knew Landon was following me was because the truck unlocked seconds before I ripped the door open and climbed inside.

I didn’t bother waiting for him to help me in as I slammed it shut.

My entire body shook as Landon got in and started the engine. From the corner of my eye, I could see his mouth opening and closing as he tried to say something but thought better of it. Good, cause I didn’t trust what would come out of my mouth.

He pulled away from the restaurant and headed back toward my apartment without a word. I sat there, replaying what just happened. How my perfectly good night was ruined by a piece of shit from my past.

All I could feel was outrage. Later it would hit me that I ran into the man I spent a good chunk of my twenties with, but all I could focus on was that anger brewing inside of me at his request to meet up.

The elevator ride was as silent as the drive to my apartment. Landon left me to my thoughts, but I could feel the confusion coming off of him. Questions no doubt on the tip of his tongue.

As soon as I stepped into my apartment, I threw my purse on the counter, body vibrating and hands shaking.

“Lyd.” Landon spoke for the first time since we left the restaurant. I shook my head as I started to pace the length of my living room. Moving was the only way I could start to ease the fury inside of me. “Lydia, what the hell just happened?”

“Nothing,” I snapped. I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“Clearly, it was something. Who was that guy?”

“He’s a piece of shit. He’s nobody.”

“Lydia, stop and look at me.” The tension in his voice was impossible to ignore, and I forced myself to stop pacing and meet his eyes. “What’s going on?”

I bit down hard, my teeth grinding together. I needed to tell him. I couldn’t put it off any longer. Running into Jared destroyed my chance of avoiding it. When I stayed quiet for too long, Landon offered a small knowing nod.

“He’s your ex, isn’t he?” My eyes met his. “Not hard to figure out with how you’re acting and what you said to him.”

“He is,” I said, my voice rough and tight with anger.

“What did he do?” I knew I had to tell him, but I couldn’t get my mouth to open and say it. I’ve never told a single person what happened with Jared six years ago, not even the girls. Landon deserved to know, especially after witnessing what he just did.

“It’s…”

“Lydia, you can tell me.” Landon stepped toward me, eyes roaming my face. “You can tell me. You know I’ll never judge you for your past.”

“I know, it’s just… It’s not that easy.” I shook my head. I didn’t know how to tell him. I spent the last six years shoving it all down, not wanting to think about it for even a second. I got so good at ignoring it.

Seeing Jared made it feel like everything around me was caving in. I never wanted to see him again, but there he was, at the same place Landon and I were, looking at me like nothing happened. Like he wasn’t the one who broke me.

“Lydia.” Landon cupped the sides of my face. “You’re holding back, just say it. We can fix whatever it is together.” His pleading tone made tears leak out of my eyes.

God, I wanted to. I wanted to tell him, to let him in. To make it so I wasn’t alone anymore.

“It’s… complicated. You wouldn’t understand,” I finally managed to say. The moment those words left my mouth, I knew they were the wrong ones. I watched as Landon’s expression hardened, and the walls around him slammed into place.

“So I open up about my messed up, ex but the moment I ask about yours, you shut down? It’s fine for you to dig into my past, but yours is off-limits?”

“That’s not?—”

“That’s what it seems like, Lydia. You want to know everything about me, but I get to know nothing about you.

” His face was etched with frustration as he stared me down.

“I know something happened to make you this way. Why won’t you just tell me?

” He made it sound so easy but it wasn’t.

The past was painful. There was a reason I never talked about it .

There was a reason I didn’t let myself get close to others.

“I can’t… I…” My brain was shouting at me to tell him. To just say it, but that fear of him leaving was all too real. I’d lose yet another person I fell for. It was like seeing Jared made my body switch to self-preservation mode.

“I’ve already shared my past with you, Lydia.

I’m not going to be the only one willing to be vulnerable.

” The look in his eyes made my heart sink.

When I remained silent, he closed his eyes briefly and said, “You either tell me or I’m walking out that door.

” It sounded like a threat, but the hurt in his voice and expression turned it into more of a desperate plea.

Landon wasn’t known for being vulnerable but he was for me. Had been multiple times. I knew I had to tell him. That I needed to open up or he’d leave. But as I opened my mouth, I stopped. It was like my entire body was fighting against me.

I stood there, desperately urging myself to speak, but years of pain and carefully constructed walls held me back. My silence was all Landon needed.

“Figured as much.” Landon shook his head, his expression heavy with disappointment. He turned on his heel and walked out of my apartment. It was like a knife to the chest watching him go.

“Landon!” I shouted, chasing after him into the hallway. He couldn’t leave. I caught the back of his shirt with the tips of my fingers, ignoring the sharp pain in my injured hand. “Landon.”

He stopped, only to glance back at me over his shoulder, eyes shuttered and closed off.

“Figure out what you want, Lydia.”

His shirt left my grasp as he pushed open the staircase door, clearly wanting to forego the elevator. I stood there, tears falling freely as Landon slipped away from me.