Page 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Carter

“Horseshit!”

I stir and sit up, blinking to focus in the darkened interior of the plane. My teammate Leo, who woke me up, is carrying on about losing a hand of poker. I glare across the aisle at him.

“What’s got your panties in a bunch?” he asks.

“You woke me up.”

He shrugs. “We’re landing soon anyway.”

I pick up my phone and look at the screen. It’s 4:36 a.m. With a deep exhale, I lean my head back against my seat rest, hoping I can go back to sleep. I’m not ready to start another long day yet.

Our team plane got grounded a week ago for repairs, so we’re sharing planes with other teams and flying commercial to get where we need to go. You’d think it would be quieter on team planes, but commercial jets don’t have tables and chairs for guys to play poker and bitch about losing as loudly as they want. It’s supposedly an upside that we can fly out anytime on private planes, but I’m not a fan of waiting until 1:00 a.m. for the Chicago team’s plane to arrive in Tampa so we can take it to Vancouver.

“Shit,” Bash says from the seat beside me. “My phone’s almost dead. You got a charger I can borrow?”

Sebastian Stone is my closest friend on the team. Actually, he’s my closest friend, period. Me, him and Leo are the first offensive line of our team.

“You need it right this second?” I ask, my eyes still closed.

“Yeah, my phone’s almost dead.”

Who needs their phone at this hour, anyway? If I argue, Bash will bicker with me until I end up giving it to him, so might as well save myself the trouble. I pick up my backpack and unzip it, sorting through stuff in search of my extra charger.

“Did you sleep much?” he asks.

“Not enough. I haven’t had a decent night of sleep since Saturday night.”

“Yeah, I couldn’t get back to sleep after that fire alarm at the hotel Monday night, either. What was your problem on Sunday night and Tuesday night?”

“Tuesday night was last night, and we went from the game to the airport to this plane, where I couldn’t sleep because you snore so loud. Sunday night, Hallie had a nightmare so she got in bed with me. I thought she’d go back to sleep, but she wanted to talk.”

“About what?”

It takes me a second to remember everything. “How they get the lead inside pencils, whether zombies are real, why we can’t breathe on the moon and what’s on the inside of boobs.”

Bash laughs. “I fucking love that kid, man. Did you guys ever go back to sleep?”

“Eventually. But I woke up again when she kicked me in the back.”

“I keep telling you to get those girls a pet. Hallie could snuggle up with the pet when she has a nightmare and you can sleep through the night.”

“And I keep telling you that Charlotte is allergic to dogs and cats, just like Rachel.”

“So get them something else. Like an iguana.”

I pass him the charger. “You think Hallie can snuggle an iguana? That would probably just give her more nightmares.”

“Okay, so what about a pig?”

“A pig?” I furrow my brow.

“Yeah, like one of those teacup pigs. They’re tiny and cute as hell.”

“I don’t want a fucking pig in my house.”

“They’re pets. You can house-train them just like dogs. I’ve seen TikToks about it.”

I scoff. “It has to be true then.”

“I’m serious, dude. Pigs are actually very clean and they don’t sweat. They make good pets.”

I think about it for a few seconds. “I don’t know, maybe. How big do they get?”

“The micro ones stay small, like a dog. Twenty pounds or less.”

All three girls are going to grief counseling, and Charlotte’s counselor did mention to me that a pet could help comfort them. I try to be comforting, but I’m not great at it. And the bottom line is that no matter how much my life changed on the day Rachel died, the girls’ lives changed more.

They lost their mom. The only parent they’ve ever really known. Chad took off right after Hallie was born and he’s never paid a dime of child support. I’ve always made sure Rachel and the girls are taken care of, but until now, that meant sending Rachel money every month.

She didn’t want to take it at first, but when I reminded her that a mom without financial worries is a happier mom, she couldn’t disagree with me. No one but me and Rachel knew I was the one paying for Olivia’s sleepaway summer camps and Charlotte’s private violin lessons, and no one ever will.

The grief counselor told me I’ll make mistakes and that the girls’ emotions may be volatile for a while as they mourn their mom. I can always tell when Olivia’s been crying because her eyes are red and her cheeks are splotchy, but she tries hard to be strong for her sisters. I think even she, the sensible, practical oldest sister, would like a pet.

A pet will add another layer of stress to our household, but if it will make them happy, it’s worth it. I can’t be there for them physically as much as I want to because of my travel schedule, and a pet would be a constant comfort they could always rely on.

I take out my phone and search for pet pigs for sale, making sure Bash can’t see my screen.

“I know you’re looking at porn,” he mumbles.

“Uh-huh.”

“Hey, before you put your hand down your pants and start jerking off, I’ve got to know--what is on the inside of boobs?”

I shake my head, not even bothering to respond.

It’s raining in Vancouver. I went back to the hotel for a pregame nap, and I got soaked when I got in and out of my Uber back to the arena. I needed the sleep, though, and I feel a lot better.

I head to the locker room to change into dry clothes, arriving just in time for a meeting with our head coach, Noel Turner.

“We’ve seen it in film--these guys come out swinging,” he says. “They’re gonna try to set the pace right out of the gate so they can dictate the game.”

I follow along as he goes over plays on his whiteboard, but my mind is on the voicemail I listened to on the Uber ride back to the area.

My family law attorney, Michelle Maroni, is widely known to be the best in the Cleveland area. When one of my teammates found out his wife was cheating on him, he hired Michelle before even telling his wife he wanted a divorce, just to be sure his wife wouldn’t hire her first. When he got traded to Boston last season, he was able to take his kids with him, thanks to Michelle’s work on his behalf.

Michelle gets right to the point, telling me to call her as soon as possible. I can’t stop worrying that something big has come up in my bid to adopt the girls. Even though Rachel left me guardianship of them in her will, Michelle recommended I adopt them. That means the girls’ deadbeat dad, Chad, had to be tracked down and agree to it.

I’m holding out hope he’ll do the right thing. He hasn’t tried to see his three daughters since he left when Hallie was nine months old. Five years without a single effort made. Needless to say, I hate that fucker.

“You got somewhere better to be, Stanton?” Coach barks when he catches me looking at the clock on the wall.

“No, Coach.”

“You sure? I don’t want to keep you from anything.”

He’s fired up for this game because we’ve lost our last four games to Vancouver. They’re one of the toughest teams to beat on their home ice.

“I’m good, Coach.”

“I’m glad to hear it. We need our first line to be dialed in.”

“We are,” Leo assures him. “We’re ready, Coach.”

Leo’s the best kind of teammate. He always tries to deflect blame from others onto himself. Especially when it’s me or Bash. If Coach is telling us we fucked up, Leo tries to shift at least some of the blame onto himself.

“Be back here in fifteen,” Coach says, capping the black marker he was writing on the whiteboard with.

The other guys head out of the meeting room to grab drinks or use the bathroom. I approach Coach Turner.

“Hey, Coach, I need to return a call from my attorney about the girls. She said it’s important. I don’t know if I’ll even catch her when I call, but I wanted to let you know in case I’m not back in time.”

“No problem. Do what you need to do.”

He’s an intense coach, but he’s always telling us family comes first. When Rachel died, he told me to take as much time as I needed. I knew he meant it, too. But every time I saw that we’d lost when I was in San Diego, I felt guilty about being gone.

That’s a thing we all experience in hockey--our team becomes family, too, and we want to be there for our families and our team families at the same time sometimes. In the wake of my sister’s unexpected death, all I wanted to do was hit opponents. I fought my way through my first two games back.

Nothing feels worse than helplessness. Seeing Olivia, Charlotte and Hallie devastated over losing their mom was so much harder for me than grieving Rachel was. Aunt Rosie told me to hug them and just let them cry, to stop trying to keep them from being so sad.

It’s damn hard, though. My nature is to hold things up as they’re breaking. To keep them from falling and shattering. But the girls had already cracked into a thousand pieces. I still feel like I’m picking them up, which I’m not great at.

I take my phone into an empty training room, flip the light switch on, and push a button on my screen to call Michelle back.

“Hey, Carter,” she says, answering her cell immediately. “Thanks for getting right back to me, I know how busy you are.”

“No problem, what’s up?”

“The response from Chad Sanderson’s attorney was filed.” I can hear the grimace in her tone. “I don’t like the looks of it. He’s living in Seward, Alaska, and he’s been employed at the same place for more than two years. He’s engaged to a woman and they’re expecting a child. And he wants full custody.”

I shift, tensing as I pace across the room. “He hasn’t tried to see them in five years, though. And Rachel made me their guardian.”

“He’s their biological parent, though.”

“Technically, but he’s a piss-poor excuse for a father. Excuse my language.”

“Don’t worry about it. He’s a deadbeat, to put it mildly. I reached out to his attorney--”

“So the guy who can’t afford child support can afford an attorney?” I shake my head and look at the ceiling. “I paid you twenty grand. Is that what he’s paying?”

“I don’t know, but...I get it. And you won’t be surprised that his attorney inquired about whether Rachel had life insurance.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I roar, not caring who can hear me. “He wants to make money when my sister’s cold in the ground?”

“The attorney said he wants to know if there would be life insurance to provide for the children.”

I’m so pissed I think my head might actually blow off my shoulders. “Yeah, like hell it would go to the girls. I’m not letting him take them to Alaska. They don’t even know him. Rachel didn’t want this.”

She clears her throat. “I understand your frustration. Nothing has been decided yet. But here’s my advice.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath, forcing myself to dial it back and listen. “We need to establish that your home is the most stable place for the children. You said you had an aunt who helped you with the children after your sister passed away--have her come for a visit for a few days. If you have a girlfriend you’re considering proposing to at some point, move that up.”

I balk at that. “A wife ? What, like I can’t do this alone because I’m a man?”

This throat clearing feels more assertive. “Mr. Stanton, who’s caring for the children right now?”

“A nanny.”

“When you’re on the road, traveling overnight and on weekends, who’s caring for the children?”

I see where she’s going with this, and my aggravation flares. “Nannies. You want me to quit hockey? Is that what I’ll have to do?”

“No. But we need to show that you have family helping, not paid nannies.”

“My aunt Rosie is the only family I have left.”

“Then get her there for a visit. And I also need to know, did your sister have life insurance to provide for the children?”

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “Yeah, it was like two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. I was planning to divide it into three trusts for the girls.”

The couple seconds of silence on the other end of the line tell me something I don’t want to hear.

“Okay.” I nod and take another deep breath. “I’ll get Aunt Rosie to come for a visit and I’ll...work on the other thing.”

“I can hold off on filing a response for a couple weeks. I know it’s not ideal since your career is so demanding, but--”

“No, it’s--I’ve got it. This is the most important thing. I’ll get it done.”

“If it’s not the right time to get married, I’m not saying it’s a deal-breaker. But leaving the children with family when you have to travel for work as much as you do is always preferred by the court.”

“I understand.”

“Okay, keep in touch and we’ll talk before I send a response.”

I sit down on the training table. “Listen, if it comes down to me quitting hockey or losing the girls, I’ll quit.”

I didn’t realize how strongly I felt about it until now when I found out I could lose the girls to Chad. I may not be a natural nurturer, but they’ll always have a safe place with me, and I’ll do anything it takes to protect them. Even if it’s their own father I have to protect them from.

“We’re going to do everything we can to avoid that,” Michelle says.

“Okay.”

“Let’s do our best to show the court you have a stable home with help from other family. I win a lot more cases than I lose, so don’t panic, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

We end our call and I stand up, reeling from the news about Chad being engaged and living in fucking Alaska. No wonder Rachel’s private eyes couldn’t find him to drag child support out of him.

I hardly have any family left, and I’ll fight like hell with anyone who messes with what I do have.

There are only two things I want to do right now: punch Chad until he has no teeth left and talk to my sister.

Unfortunately, neither one is an option.