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CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Suki

FOUR WEEKS LATER

“So while both the Yeti and the Stanley are both excellent cups for hot and cold drinks, I believe the clear winner after my tests is the Yeti.”

Dex grins widely and claps as Olivia finishes practicing the speech he helped her write and coached her on performing. Mara, Harry and I all join in on the applause.

Olivia meets my gaze and smiles. In just a few days, Dex took her from overwhelmed and nervous to poised and confident.

“I’ll be tossing my Stanley when I get home,” Dex says proudly. “Can you believe this girl? She needs to be on the speech team.”

“That was amazing,” I tell Olivia, hugging her. “You’ll have to do it again for Carter.”

It’s Christmas Eve, and my friends have come over to hang out with me and the girls while Carter does some last-minute shopping. Harry brought homemade cinnamon rolls, so we’re all sugared up. Darling is curled up, sleeping at Harry’s feet like he knows who made the sticky-sweet treat he loved so much.

“Are you guys ready to make some gingerbread houses?” I ask.

The girls have been excited about this for days, so they’re the first to arrive in the dining room and sit down.

I tried to plan a fun day since this is their first Christmas without their mom. This afternoon we’re going to a family skate at Carter’s team arena, then to a downtown Christmas market.

I already have a lasagna in the refrigerator for dinner and we’re making ice cream sundaes and watching Christmas movies after that.

I’m gathering the last of the gingerbread supplies in the kitchen when Mara touches my arm.

“Hey, remember that professor I had a thing for last year?”

I scoff. “Remember? You talked about Professor Lumberjack constantly and texted me all your stalker research about him from social media. I feel like his close personal friend.”

“A yes would suffice.”

I shake my head, amused. “Yes, I remember.”

“Well, the other night, wine gave me the balls to message him. I told him I passed the bar and would love to celebrate over drinks sometime.” She grabs my arm, biting her lip as she grins. “He said yes. He fucking said yes. Professor Lumberjack is going to be balls deep in me within a week.”

“Or...he just wants to catch up with a former student.”

“Psst. He’s gonna be catching my ankles and putting them over those big-ass shoulders, girl. Sweet baby Jesus, this is my Christmas miracle. I just know he’s gonna have a big”--she glances toward the dining room--“ brain . God, I hope he leaves his glasses on.”

“I’m happy for you. Now let’s go decorate gingerbread houses.”

“Mine’s going to be a brothel. A little candy den of sin where gingerbread men go to wreck slutty little gingerbread women.”

“Okay, one track mind. You need to go get some supplies from my storage bay before you start air humping.”

“That’s fair.”

Dex and Harry are helping the girls use frosting to attach the walls and roofs to their houses when Mara and I walk into the room. I’ve just sat down to start working on mine when Carter comes in.

“Hey,” he says, his gaze meeting mine when he walks into the room.

The past month we’ve gotten into a nice routine. He’s been busy with hockey, but on his off days, he always hangs out with us. He’s reading Hallie Harry Potter and teaching Charlotte how to play hockey.

“Hey, I set up stuff for you if you want to make a gingerbread house,” I say.

“Make one, Uncle Carter,” Hallie says. “Please?”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

He sits down next to Hallie and I feel his eyes on me. I blew my hair out this morning and did a full face of makeup instead of my usual messy bun, foundation and mascara. I’m wearing a black V-neck shirt that’s lower cut than I realized until I put it on, with jeans and ballet flats.

Darling comes into the room, nose to the ground as he snorts and looks for something to root around in. I’ve had to move all my beloved houseplants out of his reach because he can’t resist rooting in the dirt.

“What the hell?” Mara blurts. “I was just here two weeks ago and he’s gotten so much bigger.”

Darling weighs almost sixty pounds now. He eats everything in sight but is very good-natured and loves snuggling with the girls.

“Yeah...” I look at Carter. “I found out at our last vet visit that Darling isn’t actually a micro pig,” I say. “He’s just a regular old hog.”

Mara’s jaw drops. “Seriously? How big is he going to get?”

I send soothing vibes Carter’s way before I answer. “Somewhere between two hundred fifty and five hundred pounds.”

He sets down the tube of frosting he’s holding, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. I already told him this, but it seems to be causing him a fresh wave of aggravation.

“Five hundred pounds!” Olivia cries. “We won’t be able to hold him anymore.”

“Did the breeder misrepresent him?” Dex asks Carter.

“I’m going to ask my friend Leo. He’s the one who set it up for us.”

“We’re still keeping him, right?” Charlotte asks, her tone worried.

Carter blows out a breath. “We can’t have a five-hundred-pound farm hog in the house, Char.”

“No!” Hallie cries, tears filling her eyes. “I love him!”

“He might only be two fifty,” Olivia says hopefully.

I lock eyes with Carter and say, “We’ll make it work.”

“Does that mean we don’t have to get rid of him?” Charlotte asks.

I silently tell Carter that he can either make the right decision now or after we argue privately, but we aren’t getting rid of the girls’ beloved pet, and I don’t want them worrying about it on Christmas Eve.

He shakes his head. “Fine. He can just eat all the carpet in the house, I guess.”

“Carpet’s over,” Dex says lightly. “Put in hardwood.”

“That’s what she said,” Mara says under her breath.

Everyone but Hallie and Carter laughs. When I glance at Carter a few seconds later, I swear I see heat in his gaze. Like he’s telling me he just gave me my way and now he’s going to have his.

I exhale slowly, focusing on building my gingerbread house. It was probably just my overactive imagination. Lots of women would kill to be his plaything, many of them much sexier and more alluring than I am.

Hallie squeals with excitement as Carter spins on his skates, glancing over his shoulder and skating backward while holding her.

The Crush family skate is a bigger event than I realized. The team has Santa and some elves in a suite, passing out gifts and listening to wish lists. There’s a full buffet and a lavish hot cocoa bar with candy, marshmallows and other toppings layered on tiered trays. The whole arena is decked in fresh garland and holiday decor.

Next to me, Charlotte’s hand slips out of mine as her feet slide out from beneath her and she lands on her butt for at least the tenth time.

“I think I’m done,” she says, looking defeated.

“No, that was on me. I should have been holding your hand tighter.”

She cringes as she gets up, looking adorable in her purple knit beanie and purple vest.

“It’s hot chocolate time,” she says.

“I could go for some hot chocolate.”

Olivia left us as soon as we got onto the ice, heading straight for the friends she’s made with other kids with family on the team.

Charlotte and I are almost to the swinging doors leading off the ice when Carter slides to a quick stop next to us, throwing up ice.

“Show-off,” Charlotte says, rolling her eyes.

He grins and sets Hallie down, then looks at me and says, “Your turn.”

My brows shoot up. “My turn? For what?”

He takes one of my gloved hands. “To skate with me.”

“Yeah, no. I can’t keep up.”

“We’re not in a race. I just want to take my wife for a few turns around the rink.”

I’m his wife. The oval solitaire ring on my finger confirms it. Still, my heart skips every time he calls me that. There’s something about hearing him say it that makes me a little giddy.

“I’ll take Halls to get hot chocolate,” Charlotte says, reaching for her sister’s hand.

“Thanks,” I say.

Carter holds both of my hands, smoothly spinning into a backward skating position once again.

“Having fun?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“You’ve ice-skated before.”

“Five years of figure skating lessons. I once did a routine to “Last Friday Night” by Katy Perry and won second place.”

“Wow. Why am I just hearing about this accomplishment?”

I shrug. “I didn’t want to intimidate you.”

“We can do a lift if you want.”

I laugh. “I didn’t make it that far.”

He closes some of the space between us, moving our hands out to the side, his expression soft as he says. “Thanks for everything you’re doing to make this Christmas good for the girls.”

“I love doing it.”

“You’ve been their rock. Mine, too.”

I swallow hard, taken aback by the compliment. Carter is usually aloof and sometimes downright gruff. But on those occasions when he says something sweet, he knocks it out of the park every time.

“Well...I’m glad to be.”

I hold back a cringe over my awkwardness. Every time we’re alone, I worry I’ll let slip that I want him. A lot. I’ve stopped trying to make myself not want him because it’s impossible. As long as I don’t act on it, it won’t be a problem.

He releases my hands and comes even closer, putting his hands on my waist as he glances over his shoulder.

“Team photographer is taking pictures of us,” he murmurs.

Of course. Why else would he be looking at me like that? His expression is a mix of tenderness and happiness.

“Watch it, Stanton,” one of his teammates jokes as he skates past us. “I’m trying to smoke some six-year-olds and you’re in my way.”

Carter shakes his head, something over my shoulder catching his eye. He scowls.

“Who’s that boy Olivia’s smiling at?”

I turn to see where he’s looking. “Oh, I bet that’s Jake. She mentioned him.”

“Really.” He says it angrily. “He looks about fifteen, and whose kid is he? I don’t know him.”

“We can ask her later.”

“Or now.”

“Carter...”

“What? If he asks for her number, I’ll board the little fucker.”

I give him a look. “Don’t embarrass her. She’s just trying to fit in with the other kids. Let’s just enjoy Christmas Eve.”

He looks from Olivia to me. “Fine. But we’re talking to her later.”

“Not later tonight, though. Because it’s Christmas. Fucking. Eve.”

“Okay, fine.”

A woman in a Crush hoodie with a camera in hand skates toward us.

“Carter, can you get your whole family onto the ice for a photo?”

“Sure.” He looks at me. “You want to get Charlotte and Hallie?”

I smile. “No, I’ll get Liv. You get Charlotte and Hallie.”

He nods, not looking happy about it.

When the photographer gets us all together and poses us in the middle of the rink for a photo, I get that same feeling I had when the wedding photographer was taking photos. Like looking at this picture will hurt someday.

Only this time, I know it’ll hurt worse. The closer I get to Carter and the girls, the harder it is to know the clock is ticking on our little family.

Only he and I know that our first Christmas together is also our last. Unless I can somehow convince him to keep me on as his nanny after our marriage ends.

I’ve already started thinking about it. It would be awkward at first, but we could make it work. I planned to start over after the year, but leaving the girls would break my heart.

Seeing him with another woman would do the same thing, though. Could I go back to just being his nanny while he dates women like Kaia, maybe even marrying one someday?

I don’t know. Right now, none of the options seem great.