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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Carter

Charlotte frowns at her plate and sets her fork down.

“What?” I ask.

“Nothing.”

“What’s the problem? Eat your breakfast. We have to leave for school in ten minutes.”

Hallie carries her plate of French toast over to the trash can and dumps it.

“What are you doing? You just threw away your breakfast.”

“I don’t like it. I like it when Suki makes it.”

I press my lips together for a few seconds to avoid snapping. You would think kids wouldn’t be that picky about something as basic as French toast, but you’d be wrong.

“You guys drown it in syrup anyway. How can it taste that different?”

Charlotte cuts off another bite and eats it, her forlorn expression making it look like she’s being force-fed prison gruel.

“Just find something to eat and be ready to go in”--I look at my watch--“eight minutes.”

Olivia runs into the kitchen, her hair wet and her eyes wide with panic. “My hair dryer stopped working.”

“What if I told you your hair will still dry? It’ll just take longer.”

“It’ll dry frizzy, though! I can’t go to school with frizzy hair.”

I shrug, finishing the last lunch container of mandarin oranges, nuts and dried cherries for Charlotte’s lunch. “Can you borrow Charlotte’s dryer?”

Charlotte snort-laughs as she walks out of the pantry holding a half-eaten Twinkie. “I’m not high maintenance. I don’t own a hair dryer.”

“Can I borrow Suki’s?” Olivia pleads.

“Yeah, I’m sure she won’t care, but you only have six more minutes until I leave you behind and you miss school.”

She sighs dramatically and races back upstairs.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m glaring out my windshield, my car idling in the driveway while I wait for Olivia.

“I don’t want to be late for school,” Charlotte grumbles from the back seat.

“Leave her here,” Hallie says.

“How does Suki get you guys out of here at exactly seven forty every morning?”

“She doesn’t sit on the toilet as long as you,” Charlotte says.

I fight back a smile because that’s completely true. But I’ve been starting my day with fifteen minutes of toilet time for more than a decade; I’m not changing.

Olivia runs out to the car, her expression frantic.

“Sorry,” she says as she gets in, her hair dry and a giant Stanley cup in hand.

I turn on Taylor Swift and start the drive to school, glad today is just a practice day and I don’t have to be at the arena until nine thirty.

“Uncle Carter, when is Suki coming back all the time?” Hallie asks.

I glance at her in the rearview mirror. “Hopefully soon.”

“Why doesn’t she want to see you?”

It’s a punch in the gut to hear it put that way. “We just needed a break from each other, Hals.”

“Just apologize for whatever you did,” Charlotte says.

I balk. “How do you know it was my fault?”

“Who cares whose fault it was?”

I don’t have a comeback for that. We listen to Taylor singing “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart” for around thirty seconds without talking.

“You could buy her a Taylor Swift shirt,” Hallie suggests.

Her sweetness makes me smile. If only it were that easy.

“Maybe I should.”

“Or you could get her a new plant. I saw one on my iPad that she doesn’t have. It’s called you licked a puss.”

“What?” My jaw drops.

“Hallie!” Olivia scolds.

“What? That’s what it’s called. You licked a puss.”

I burst out laughing, realizing how much I needed a moment of levity. “It’s eucalyptus, Hals.”

“Oh.”

“Oh my God, Hallie,” Charlotte says.

“Leave her alone. It’s a big word and it’s hard to pronounce.”

I pull up to Charlotte and Olivia’s school first.

“Make sure you’ve got your lunches and laptops and water bottles,” I say. “If I have to come back and bring you anything, I’m coming to your classroom to give it to you in front of everyone and I’ll kiss you on the cheek when I do it.”

“I’d rather die,” Olivia mumbles.

They get out of the car, Charlotte giving me a little wave on her way into school. I wave back and put the car into drive, heading out of the parking lot toward Hallie’s school.

“I miss Suki,” she says softly.

“Me too. I’m going to see her after practice and I’m gonna try to get her to come back.”

She brightens. “Tell her I miss her. And don’t say anything that will make her mad.”

Wise words. I have to find a way to undo the damage I did by telling her I love her, which is ironic as fuck.

“Don’t forget to give Darling treats today,” Hallie says as I pull up to the drop-off door of her school.

“Uh-huh,” I say wryly. “He might waste away.” I wait for her to get out of the car. “Have a good day, Hals.”

“You too.”

On the drive home, I start to game plan what I’ll say to Suki this afternoon. I plan to open by telling her how amazing she is and then swallow my pride and say I moved too fast.

I didn’t. I was honest with her about my feelings, but if I have to lie and say I shouldn’t have said it to get her back, I will.

We still have more than nine months left in our agreement, though I guess she could just decide the two hundred thousand dollars I already gave her is enough and bail. If she stays, she’ll have a full year to decide whether I’m the guy for her.

If she’s too jaded over Tyler to risk being hurt again, I’ll have to accept that. It’ll be really damn hard-- for me and the girls--but I can’t force it.

Strong-arming my way into things works on the ice. It’s actually often the only thing that works. But it won’t help me with Suki. I have to let go and leave it in her hands.

Easier said than done.

When I pull onto my street a few minutes later, Sukis car is parked in the driveway. My pulse hammers in my ears and I speed up. When I get into the garage, I throw the car into park and run into the house.

Suki’s sitting on the kitchen floor with Darling, scratching his ears. He’s nuzzling against her, totally content.

“Hey,” she says softly.

“Hey.” I set my keys down on the counter. “How are you?”

“I’m okay.”

I tamp down a flare of aggravation. She’s okay? I’m sure as hell not.

What if she’s here to pack her things and leave? The thought makes me feel physically sick.

“Listen, I was in the wrong the other day,” I say. “I called you broken, and that’s so far from what I really think. I’m sorry.”

She gets to her feet, Darling snorting for more attention. She walks over to the sink to wash her hands.

“You weren’t wrong. You said you shouldn’t have to fix what Tyler broke, and that’s true.”

Fuck. She’s about to leave me; I can feel it in her tone.

“I want to, though,” I say. “I can’t take back what I said about loving you--because I do. But if you’re not there yet, that’s okay. I shouldn’t have jumped you like that.”

She turns to look at me, and I can’t read the emotion in her eyes.

“If not for the girls, you never would have noticed me. Like, if we’d met under different circumstances.”

This hurts. It’s an ache in my chest. But my hockey instincts won’t work with her. I can’t fight just for the sake of fighting.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t have noticed you. And I would have missed out on the most incredible woman in the entire world.”

Her expression softens. I resist the urge to walk over to her and try to pull her into my arms.

“Suki, the girls are like daughters to me now, and they will be forever. We’ll never forget Rachel, but we also have to move on. And I’m their parent now. How many men get a chance to see how a woman parents his children from the day they meet? How many men get to see a woman heal their children?”

Tears fill her eyes. “It wasn’t just me, Carter.”

“It was more you than anyone. And even though it probably means I’ll lose you, I have to be honest. Yeah, the way you feel about the girls and the way they feel about you is part of the reason I love you. But I also love you in every other way a man should. You’re smart, funny, sexy and...everything. You’re everything and more. I come home to you because I want to. I don’t want other women because I look at you and...” I clear the emotion from my throat. “How could I?”

She looks away, tears falling from her eyes to her cheeks. “We didn’t start in a traditional way, and I’m carrying baggage that makes it hard for me to just fall in love.”

I nod, her words a knife to my heart.

“But I did anyway,” she says through tears. “I do love you, Carter. I don’t know when it happened and it’s really scary, but...I love you. And you know I love the girls.”

Our eyes lock and I’m pulled toward her. I put my hands on her upper arms, then drop to my knees in front of her.

“Suki, I know it’s fast. And we can wait if you want to. I’ll prove whatever you need me to. But...” I take a breath, fighting a lump in my throat. “I’m in love with you, and all I want in this world is for you to stay married to me forever. Or marry me again, I don’t know. Whatever you’re willing to give me, I want it.”

She’s radiant as she smiles and cups my face in her hands. “Yes. You and the girls are my life now.”

I lean forward, unable to keep a couple tears from falling as I lean my forehead against her stomach. She smooths a hand down my hair and then bends down, getting on her knees, too.

Putting my hands on her hips, I kiss her, tasting the salt of our tears. Then I kiss her again, happiness and relief making me feel weak.

Darling comes over, snorting and nudging Suki’s hand with his snout. She smiles at me.

“Our son wants some attention.”

I groan and laugh. “Are you fucking serious?”

“He’s part of the family.”

I don’t know if Hallie got it from Suki or vice versa, but Hallie’s always saying that.

“Fuck it.” I rub the top of his head. “Darling, you’re uglier than I thought my son would be, but looks aren’t everything, right?”

“Stop it, he’s adorable.”

“Maybe our future kids will look more like you. I hope so, anyway.”

Our eyes meet, anticipation building inside me as I wait for her response.

“I wouldn’t mind a serious little boy with dark hair like yours.”

I wrap my arms around her and kiss her again, more passionately this time.

“I’m gonna have to miss practice today,” I murmur against her lips.

“Are you sure?”

“Yep. My wife’s talking about babies, I’ve got work to do.”

She arches a brow. “Work, huh?”

“That’s right. And I’m a model employee.” I kiss her cheek, then the side of her neck. “I’m very dedicated to my work. Kind of a workaholic, actually.” I squeeze her ass and she gasps with surprise. “I’ve got a home office in our bedroom, want to see it?”

She grins. “Absolutely.”