Page 60 of Every Broken Piece

Chapter fifty-six

Tess

I t’s weird, living here without Gabe.

I keep expecting him to walk around the corner or hear his voice coming from his office. I thought him being gone would be no big deal. A few days isn’t that long. I’m a big girl who’s lived alone practically her whole life. I crave solitude—or at least I used to.

I sorely underestimated how much I’d miss him, especially now after I tore down every barrier to be with him in every sense of the word.

But I don't feel vulnerable like I thought I would.

I feel love, cherished, protected, even from afar.

Gabe is not here physically, but in every other sense of the word he's invaded my world and I love it.

I'm still scared of the future and what my mother might do, but Gabe keeps assuring me that he's got this for the first time in my life I hand it all off and trust.

We talk daily, text all the time, but it’s hearing him in his office or the home gym, seeing him walk around the corner, sleeping in his arms, that I miss the most.

Maybe making love the night before he left wasn’t such a good idea because now I want more of that sense of connection that goes way beyond physical.

Pax has been splitting his time between school and the apartment. I told him he didn’t have to, but he said he didn’t mind. We live parallel lives. I do my thing—which is look for jobs—and he does his.

I also spend a lot of time thinking about that non-compete and the possibilities it opens up for me.

When Pax isn’t here, Jack pokes his head in occasionally. We spent Sunday night watching Disney movies. I had no idea Jack knew the words to every song in Frozen and it made me laugh to hear him sing along while I was huddled in my blanket cocoon.

Before he left Friday morning, Gabe left me a credit card and a note telling me to buy what I wanted. I left the card on the counter and purchased an outfit on clearance, but I did use his car and driver. Baby steps.

This morning, was my interview. It went well, but my heart isn't in it. I know what I want but I needed to go to the interview to make sure my mind is in the right place.

I’m sitting in a chair, facing the mountains and the darkening sky, contemplating my future when Pax walks in and drops a large, white bag at my feet.

“Dad wanted me to get these for you.”

I roll my eyes. Gabe’s gifts are always so...different. It could be another blanket, or it could be a whole company. One just never knows.

I ignore the bag and turn to Pax. “I have a favor to ask.”

He falls into the matching chair next to me and scootches all the way down until his butt’s almost off the edge. “Yeah? What’s this favor?”

I take a deep breath because once I say this it’s out in the universe and that makes it real. That’s what I want, right? I want my future to be real. “I’m thinking about starting my own business.”

If I expected super excitement from Pax, I don’t get it. He merely raises an eyebrow. “That’s cool. What kind of business?”

“Virtual assistant.”

He frowns. “But aren’t you already a virtual assistant?”

“I was. Before I lost my job.”

“But Dad got your job back.”

“He made it so I could work as a virtual assistant again.”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and starts flipping it on his thigh, looking thoughtful. “You want to compete against your old company?”

I shake my head. “I want my own clients.”

“Okay. So where do I come in on this?”

“I think I need a website. And...other stuff. To be honest, I’m not sure what I need but a website seems like a good start.”

He stares out the windows for a minute. “I’m not a designer, but I know someone who is. She can help us.”

“I’ll pay her.”

He nods, still thinking, then flips his phone around and starts texting. “She’s a senior and wants to do web design as her career. I bet if you let her use your website in her portfolio she won’t charge you.”

That would work because I have no idea how much a website design would cost. Or how much launching my own company would cost. I’ll start small.

Sign a few clients and go from there. Talking about it out loud makes me anxious because what if I fail?

But it also makes me excited because what if I succeed?

Pax’s thumbs are flying across his phone screen and he’s smiling as he texts. “Done,” he says. “I’ll help you with the background programming. What else?”

What else? “I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead. I guess I should contact my former clients to see if they’d be interested in coming back.” What if no one’s interested? This is a stupid idea. I have no clue how to run my own business.

But you have Gabe, who runs a billion-dollar corporation. He’ll help. And Pax and Jack will help with the website stuff.

This is the right decision. This is the only decision that feels right. For the first time in forever I don’t have that feeling of doom, that everything’s going to come crashing down at some point.

With the toe of his sneaker Pax taps the bag at my feet. “This might help. Open it.”

I pull the heavier-than-it-looks bag to my lap and remove a familiar looking white box and a smaller matching box. I eye Pax and he shrugs.

“Don’t look at me. Dad said to get them, so I got them.”

“A new laptop and a new phone?”

“Your old laptop and phone are shit. I bet you don’t even get updates to them anymore.”

I press my lips together because he’s right. They’re old and more than likely vulnerable to any sort of cyber-attack.

“Now you can start your own business since you have the proper equipment,” Pax says. “I’ll help you set them up.”

I run my hand over the cool, metallic surface of the sleek laptop. It’s the nicest gift I’ve ever received. I have to force myself not to tell Gabe that it’s too much. This is a gift, and I’ll accept it with grace.

“You need a business name,” Pax says. “We can’t start anything until we get a business name.”

We spend the next hour brainstorming names, some of them so off the top that we’re both laughing hysterically.

Eventually, SmartDesk Solutions is born.

Me: Can you call me when you’re available to talk? It’s not an emergency

Gabe: Give me two minutes

“What’s wrong?” he asks when I answer his call.

“I said it wasn’t an emergency.”

“Whenever you need me it’s an emergency.”

“You always say the nicest things.”

“I speak from my heart, Spitfire. What do you need?”

“First of all, thank you for the new laptop and phone. You didn’t have to do that—”

“Spitfire—”

“No. Let me finish. You didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it, and I love them both. So thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I made a decision.”

“Lay it on me.”

I grin as I fall back on his bed. When he left Friday morning, I told myself I’d sleep in my own room but that never happened.

I needed to smell Gabe, to lay where he made love to me so gently, so reverently that it brought me to tears.

It also scared the hell out of him, but he calmed down when he realized my tears were born of deep emotion, rather than pain or regret.

“I want to start my own virtual assistant business,” I tell him.

The line is silent for a few moments. “Tess, I’m proud of you.”

Something about those words tightens my throat with emotion. I can count on my hand the number of times someone told me they were proud of me. Mostly it was teachers. Never was it Sandra.

“Are you in my bed?” he asks.

“Yes,” I whisper

“Get under the covers and tell me all about your new business.”

For the next hour I tell him my plan, my goals, and my vision.

Occasionally, he offers advice, but mostly he just listens while I lay my future out in front of him.

Or what I hope is my future. With each word I speak I get more excited.

But more than that, I feel hope. What I don’t feel is afraid that this will be taken away from me.

What I don’t do is create backup plans for when my world implodes.

Because I have people who love me, who support me, who’ll go to the ends of the world for me and that makes all the difference.

I’m not alone anymore and instead of being scared to bring people into my orbit, I center my world around them, and it feels spectacular.

“Will you help me with the business aspect, setting it up and everything?” I ask.

“I’ll help with whatever you need me to.”

I love you.

The words are right there, but I don’t want to say them for the first time over the phone. I want to look into his eyes and tell him what I’ve never told another soul before.

“You sound happy,” he says.

“I am happy. I’m really happy, Gabe. Thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me? This is all you, Spitfire.”

“You gave me the courage and the means by buying a whole company so I can have my non-compete back.”

“I’ll buy you whatever you asked for.”

“I don’t want anything. Just you.”

There’s a sharp inhale of breath. “I love you so damn much, Tess.”

“I know.” Tell him. Just tell him. “I...like you a lot a lot a lot .”

He chuckles. “That was an extra ‘a lot’. I’ll take it.”

“See you Wednesday?”

“That’s the plan.”

“Night, Gabe.”

“Night, Tess. I love you.”