Page 105 of Eternal

Part of me wishes he’d argue with me. That he would fight for us like I want to.

He won’t.

While some people marry for love, that’s not in the cards for a Donovan or a Pierce. We have business transactions, not relationships.

But right here, in this moment, I try to forget that.

I sink into my admission to Declan and let myself believe this is real for now. When I do lose him, it’s going to hurt worse than anything he did to me during the years I hated him, but at least I’ll have this slice of time to reflect on.

“No music.” He grazes his finger over my ear. “Did you bring your earbuds?”

“No.”

Usually, my earbuds are another appendage, constantly attached to me. But lately, I’ve worn them less and less. Unless I’m painting, I haven’t needed music as a crutch like I usually do.

Declan quiets the noise.

And when he wraps his arms around me, he’s the warmth nothing else in my life has been able to offer.

29

The Moment I Lost My Soul

Declan

The lake is perfectlystill this early in the morning.

It’s a mirror reflecting everything rotten that lives inside me.

Sometimes, I think if I stare at the water long enough, it stares back. The eyes of the people I’ve sent to the bottom watch me through the dark depths, reminding me I’m a monster. Especially considering I feel no guilt for putting them there.

Better their flesh feed the fish than mine.

That’s the interesting thing about guilt: you don’t have to feel it to be guilty. I’ll burn for my sins, whether I regret my actions or not. And all that matters now is ensuring Teal isn’t burning beside me if this turns bad.

Every second around her breaks me open a little bit more. It uncovers another dark depth I didn’t know existed.Having her in my bed at this cabin makes me question how I’ll let her go back to her own when we return to campus next week. She’s completely embedded.

Resting my head back, I rock my chair slowly, and it creaks against the unstable planks that make up the cabin’s deck. This early in the morning, the forest is nearly silent, so I hear every splintery rock of the chair against the wood. A few birds chirp in the distance as the day comes to life.

If I were naïve, I’d think this is what peace feels like, but I know better. Rochester Lake is the reminder there’s no escaping hell with the sins notched in my soul.

This is purgatory, but I suppose that’s better than whatever waits for me once it’s all over.

It’s almost summer, but the chill of spring is still crisp in the air this early in the day. Dew makes the tree leaves glisten with the rising sun, and the earth is cold and unforgiving. If I took a shovel to the ground, it would be like digging in concrete, which is why there are more bodies in the lake than in the land around here. And it says everything there is to know about me that I know that.

The front door to the cabin creaks open, and my chest tightens for a moment, thinking it’s Teal. She was asleep when I woke up, and I’ve been waiting for her on the porch for a little over an hour.

I was tempted to strip off the blanket and fuck her awake, but she was peaceful, which is rare for her. No tossing and turning, and from what I could tell, nonightmares. It felt wrong to disturb her when she spends most nights battling the demons inside her head.

Demons I’ll slay along with the people who put them there the second she puts a face to them.

The front door to the cabin swings open, and Violet steps onto the porch. Her eyes widen when she spots me.

“Oh—” She stumbles back a step, and I think she might disappear back into the house, but she doesn’t. “I didn’t know anyone was up.”

“Is Kole sleeping?”

She shakes her head. “He’s taking a shower.”