Page 29 of Emerald Moon (Pitch Mountain Pack #2)

twenty

“Jo,” Cass’ soft voice poked through the thick fog of sleep. “We have to check out of the hotel soon.”

Their eyes shot open, and they bolted upright, nearly knocking foreheads with Cass who was bent over Jo’s side of the bed. “What time is it?”

“A little after ten. We have to be out at eleven. I didn’t want to wake you, but —”

“No, you did the right thing!” They sprung off the bed, spun around, and looked at Cass. The smile she wore made Jo’s stomach twist with guilt all over again. “Thank you, really, for everything last night. And I’m sorry, so very sorry for how I messed things up.”

“You didn’t hurt me, so it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. But I’ll find a way to make it right with you. I promise.” They chewed on their bottom lip as they thought about what else to say. “You’re a really great person, and you mean a lot to me, so I’ll make it fine somehow.”

Cass opened her mouth to speak, but said nothing. Her soft smile returned, and it almost made Jo think they hadn’t ruined things too badly.

“You should go pack,” she said.

“Right. Yes. Packing. Let me go shove things in my bag as fast as I can, and then let’s run out of here.

” Jo said the words, but they were glued to their spot, staring at Cass and wishing they had the perfect words to say.

When they still didn’t come, Jo excused themselves and, whispering another thanks as they walked out of her room, headed back to their own.

Jo had packed quickly to come here, but it was nothing compared to how they stuffed everything back into their bag with freedom so close.

They were almost out of here. They wanted to come back to see June more often, but maybe they could convince her to come out to Hickorywood, too.

There was no way they were going to see their mother anytime soon.

They paused in the middle of crumpling a shirt.

What if they ran into their mother this morning?

That would be too much to handle. They had to make it out of here without seeing her.

June had already left for her honeymoon, so the list of people they wanted to see from the wedding was absolutely no one.

Zipping the bag shut, they walked to the door, took a deep breath, and opened it.

Cass was waiting outside.

“You’re all good. I checked. Your mom isn’t anywhere around,” she said, like she could read Jo’s mind.

They looked both ways down the long hallway. “You can never be too sure. She manages to pop up exactly when you don’t want to see her.”

“Then we’ll have to sneak out.”

“What?”

Cass tugged Jo close to her and tossed the light jacket she was holding over both of their heads. “Run!”

Laughing, Jo held on to Cass’ shirt and kept her from jolting forward. “We can’t run in a hotel.”

“Who says?”

“Society says!”

“You said we’d run out of here earlier.” Cass shrugged. “Are you coming with me?”

Glancing both ways again, Jo’s smile grew wider. “We’re busting out of here. Run!”

Together they sprinted down the hall with the jacket thrown over their heads.

barely stifling their giggles. By the time they reached the lobby, they’d passed several confused guests and couldn’t contain their laughter anymore.

Jo doubled over when they got outdoors, laughing too hard to breathe, and wobbled towards the car.

On the ride home that afternoon, they talked about nothing important – just things they saw or whatever popped into their minds. It lulled Jo into a kind of comfort, and they fell asleep about an hour outside of Hickorywood. Jo woke up when they were pulling up to the Pitch Mountain Pack house.

“Sorry I fell asleep.”

”You’ve had a busy couple of days. It makes sense.”

“Thanks for driving and for coming with me.” Jo wanted to thank her again for sharing how she felt, but the timing didn’t feel right, and the words didn't feel right either.

“I’m still glad you asked me. Have a good rest of your day.”

“You, too.” Jo sat there with their hand on the door, trying to think of what else they needed to say, but nothing good came to mind. They looked at Cass and smiled, but regret and frustration lingered behind it.

Cass smiled, too, and as Jo stepped out of the car and waved, they wondered what was wrong with them that they couldn’t keep this simple and love her back.

“Hey Jo,” Cass called out just before the car door closed.

Jo peeked their head inside. “Yeah?”

“Coffee tomorrow?”

If Cass was still making an effort to be friends with them after all this, Jo could at least do the same. “For sure. Want to meet at Pertinacious after lunch?”

“Perfect. See you then.”

The stress of keeping a depressive episode at bay for multiple days caught up with Jo all at once.

Pretending to feel fine had taken everything Jo had to give and then some, and now they were paying the price.

They tossed their bag on the floor and collapsed onto their bed, face-down in the pillows.

Dolly walked up beside them on the bed and Jo reached over to pet her head between her ears.

The cat purred as she settled down next to Jo, apparently happy they were back and ready to nap, too.

At some point, Wil came home and asked if Jo wanted anything to eat. They had no appetite, so they shook their head and stayed tucked tight in the ball they’d pulled themselves into on top of their covers.

Now that the wedding was over, Jo could only remember the things they didn’t want to.

They kept replaying the conversation with their mom and the look on Cass’ face when Jo didn’t return her feelings.

Jo knew it was their anxiety taking over, but that didn’t mean they could stop it.

Both scenes played out over and over again until Jo was certain they’d done everything wrong both times, especially with Cass.

The only thing they’d gotten right was asking Cass why she loved them.

Cass didn’t know who they really were. If she did, she wouldn't have said that she loved them. Jo was unlikeable, unloveable. They only tricked people into being their friend by keeping the worst of themselves hidden. They’d all be better off if Jo wasn’t in their lives anyway.

The thoughts repeated until Jo had no strength left to argue against them and they accepted them as truths and fell into a fitful sleep.

The next morning, getting out of bed was an impossible task, so they didn’t. They texted Billie letting her know they wouldn't be able to make it into the bakery that evening and tossed their phone aside, not bothering to read the waiting messages. They didn’t have the energy to reply anyway.

Behind them, Jo could hear Wil moving around their room. They heard something settle on their bedside table and felt Wil’s hand on their shoulder. “You don’t need to get up, but if you do, I brought you an iced mocha. I thought caffeine plus chocolate might make you smile a bit, if nothing else.”

“Thanks.” Jo rolled over onto their back.

Wil looked down at them with a soft smile. “I’m going to be in my studio for most of the day, but you text me if you need anything and I’ll bring it home with me.”

As much as Jo wanted to give in and mope and be pitiful, the iced coffee called to them and they sat up long enough to drink half.

They used what little energy the sugar and caffeine gave them, more a placebo than anything else, to take care of Dolly’s food, water, and litter box before crawling back into bed.

Dolly didn’t need to suffer, too, just because Jo felt awful.

They were bone-deep tired, but they tried to cling to the idea that Wil cared enough about them to bring them something.

It was hard, though. It was much easier to see how they were a burden and how unfair it was that Wil had to take time out of their day to worry about them.

It wasn’t worth it. Jo could lie in here all day and the world would continue to function.

They didn’t add anything. A much quieter voice in their head told them that was all wrong, but it was too hard to hear.

At some point Harry came and brought lunch and Jo, again, felt bad that someone had to take care of them because they were too broken to do it themselves.

Frustrated, Jo ate what they could, rested until they felt ready, then set both bare feet on the floor, ready to go downstairs and be a person in the pack again through sheer willpower.

Dolly followed them downstairs, trotting at a quick pace.

They brought their plate to the kitchen and walked back to the living room where a few packmates were waiting around before dinner.

Jo had taken longer to rest than they thought.

While the rest of the back had been running the bakery or off working their other jobs, Jo had just been rotting in bed.

They felt drenched in guilt and shame, but sat down on the couch next to Harry anyway.

Harry ruffled their hair. “How you feeling?”

”Fine.”

Harry shot them a look.

”Like I got smashed by a steamroller.”

”Still, you made it downstairs. You’re not doing too bad for yourself.”

”I’m trying.” Jo sighed to let go of the built up bad emotions. “Thanks for bringing me lunch.”

”Don’t mention it.” He waved it off. “It’s what any of us would do for anyone in the pack.”

While Jo knew that was true, they also felt like they used up more than their fair share of pack kindness when they had bad episodes like this one.

Sometimes it was a little dip. Sometimes it was a descent into the darkness.

Jo did what they could to lessen it, but it really was a case of having to rest and wait it out.