Page 10 of Emerald Moon (Pitch Mountain Pack #2)

seven

Jo ran another systems check in the morning and decided that they still felt terrible. On top of that, they had two missed calls from their mother.

Rolling back over, they decided that self-care meant not paying any attention to those two calls.

They could rest now before meeting Krista and get up with enough time to get dressed and be a presentable human later.

They were taking good steps. They were, more importantly, taking care of themselves and making choices that made them get through the day a bit easier.

Giving themselves a mental high five, they cuddled back into their pillow.

Their phone buzzed.

Jo ignored it and it finally stopped. They let their eyes drift shut again.

The phone buzzed.

They let out a frustrated sigh and reached for their phone. “Hey mom,” they said without looking at who was calling.

“Have you gotten your dress altered?”

No small talk — just diving right in. “Yeah, I’ve gotten it altered,” they lied.

Their mother sighed. “I hope so. I don’t want you waiting until the last minute. The wedding is sooner than you think. And it’s your sister’s big day, so we don’t want any issues.”

“I’m sure it’ll all be fine.”

“Again, I hope so,” she said, sounding anything but hopeful. “I’m certainly working to make that happen. I do have some good news, though. My friend is bringing her very single son. He’s thirty-two, owns a small company, and is very handsome.”

“Thanks, but no thanks,” Jo replied dryly.

“Keep an open mind. You haven’t met him yet.”

“We’ve been through this before. I like women.

” Just saying it out loud to their mother made them feel sweaty and prickly all over, the same as the first time — although, they weren’t close to puking from nerves.

It never got easier being the odd one out in the family.

When Jo was little, they were used to them being a bit quirky, but there were lines that either shouldn’t be crossed or, if crossed, shouldn’t be spoken about. Sexuality was one of those.

Gender identity was another, but Jo hadn’t worked up the bravery to bring that up yet.

“Sure, sure, honey. Just meet him first, alright? And he’s not the only one that’s going to be there!”

“Thanks, well, I was resting so —“

“In the middle of the day? Don’t you have work? I mean, I know it’s not really work, but you still have to be there.”

“I work later. You know that. Did you call now thinking I’d be at work?” Jo pointed out.

“I called when I had the chance. I wasn’t sure you’d pick up.”

Jo wanted to mention that she’d called a million times in a row, obviously expecting them to pick up, but they dropped it to end the call as soon as possible.

While they were glad this conversation hadn’t pushed them into wolfing out, they were pretty sure it was only because they were too tired to get that worked up.

They flopped back down into their pillow and sighed, mentally adding “get dress altered” to their to-do list. They’d been putting it off for a ton of reasons, not the least of which was the fact that they hadn’t worn a dress in years since figuring out more about themselves.

Sure, they’d gone through a phase where they tried to be as feminine as possible to make it stick, wearing skirts or dresses most days, but they’d never felt worse than they did then.

Part of them worried putting on the stupid dress would bring back those feelings.

Talking to June about it was always an option, but it wasn’t one Jo felt comfortable doing.

The two of them hadn’t spoken — really spoken — about more than just the weather or a quick birthday greeting in years.

Jo didn’t want to cause any issues, so they’d decided to wear the thing and just change out of it as soon as they could after the ceremony.

It didn’t matter that they closed their eyes, Jo knew sleep wasn’t coming back. Their heart was racing from the call and the idea of going anywhere to get that dress altered.

They added “find someone to bring with me” to the list. There was no way they were going to survive that wedding alone. In one of their rare texts, June had offered to have a spot for Jo’s guest, and they took her up on the offer. Trouble is, they hadn’t decided on anyone yet.

Bringing a friend would be fine, but it wouldn’t end the never-ending line of suitors their mother found for them.

They supposed they could pretend that Wil or Krista was their girlfriend, but just the thought made them feel squirmy and weird.

Even pretending to date one of them would feel strange, and doing it for a whole weekend felt near impossible.

Fake dating was way more fun in books.

But maybe a fake girlfriend for the weekend, someone Jo was comfortable pretending with, was their ticket to some level of freedom.

They needed someone they knew, but not as well as Krista or Wil.

Preferably someone their family hadn’t met yet.

And really, it’d be great to have someone who looked intimidating to stop questions before they were even asked.

Jo sat up in bed.

Someone like Cass.

It’d be totally harmless! Unlike the trope, Jo wasn’t harboring some secret feelings for her and Cass was into women. It would be perfect. Only Jo was certain they’d never work up the nerve to ask her.

Krista and Jo sat at a table by the big front window in Pertinacious, the slightly-snobby, but always delicious coffee shop across from Violet Moon that was run by the most prominent vampire coven in Hickorywood.

They’d had to wait outside before they got their drinks, but they were lucky enough to snag a table before someone else got it.

“Sorry work’s been rough lately,” Jo said and took a sip of their iced coffee. The flavors and syrups might change, but Jo always got an iced coffee, even in the dead of winter. Luckily it was summer and the shop had specialty iced coffees for the season.

“Eh, it’s okay,” Krista replied. “It’s just hard covering shifts with so few people. I like the extra cash, though. And the tips! Meals there cost an arm and a leg, so the tips tend to be great, except for when you get a table of awful people. I cast curses on those people — tame ones!”

Jo grinned. “Like what?”

Krista explained, “Like ‘I hope you stub your toe really badly later,’ or ‘I hope you have to pee and are stuck in traffic.’ Those sorts of curses.” She swirled the ice in her drink. “What about you? How are you holding up lately?”

“We talk everyday.”

“Yeah, but not like this we don’t. So spill. I know you’ve been a little less yourself.”

“That’s just the thing, though, isn’t it?

Which parts of these are me? Aren’t they all me?

Even the awful parts? When I get like this, it’s hard to know what’s real inside me and what is temporary, especially when it keeps coming back.

” Jo sighed. “But I certainly don’t feel like myself.

It doesn’t help that I just went and got my dress altered. ”

She grimaced. “I’m sorry. That can’t have been easy. Was it at least quick?”

“No! The woman was nice, but she was really old and took ages with all her small talk. I just wanted to get out of there. I finally worked up the nerve to ask her to make the chest lay flatter so it would look fine with my binder on, and she looked at me like I was insane. But she said she’d do it, so that’s something. ”

“Good for you!” Krista smiled. “You’ve got to take the wins where you can get them. Are you going to make it through that weekend alright?”

“I think so. I’m excited for June. And happy to see her. She’s, like, the one person in my family who doesn’t treat me like a total weirdo or just ignore me — when she does find the time to talk, you know?”

“I’m glad you have her and it’s not all bad. Are you still going to go alone?”

“Definitely not. I need backup or I’ll lose my backbone entirely and be terrible to myself the entire weekend.”

“So who’re you bringing? My offer still stands to go. I’d promise to wear something outlandish so no one would even notice you enough to make snide comments.”

Jo felt a little lighter imagining that. “Thanks. And I might take you up on it, but I had another idea.”

Krista raised an eyebrow questioningly.

They wrapped their hands around their iced coffee. The cold felt good on their palms. “I thought maybe I could bring Cass with me.”

Her eyes widened like her smile.

“Not like that!” Jo mentioned hastily. “I’d like to go as friends,” they stressed.

“But also not like friends — pretending to not just be friends. It’d get my mom off my back about meeting these dudes, plus Cass is super sweet, but she can look intimidating, which would be great to have on my side that weekend. ”

“Jass,” Krista said.

“What?”

“Your ship name would be Jass. Co is no good, so it’s Jass. I ship it.”

“Don’t ship us! There’s nothing to ship! We’re just friends.”

“Friends who might go to a wedding together as a fake dating situation?” She laughed. “Babe, we all know how that ends. We’ve read it a billion times.”

“It’s not like that!”

“Could be like that,” Krista teased, swirling her straw in her coffee.

“It’s not, though. It’s just —“ Jo searched for the words to defend their idea. “Going with you or Wil would be great, but there’s no added benefit of ‘dating’ to get my mom off my back. It would be way too weird to pretend to date you or Wil.”

“But not too weird to pretend-date Cass. Got it.” She winked. “Totally correct teasing aside, I think she’s a good option. You two hit it off great — so great there was a kiss involved.”

Jo glared at her across the table.

“She’d be a good one to have in your corner. She looks intimidating, even though she really isn’t. She might just shut your family up before they can even say anything.”

“Exactly. But here’s the thing — I have to work up the nerve to ask her.”

Krista shrugged. “She’s easy to talk to. Just explain the situation and ask. It’s simple enough. And hey, at least all this is happening after the full moon. Maybe you’ll feel fresh after getting some of this ick out of your system with a good pack run.”

“I hope so. It’s my little sister’s wedding! I am looking forward to it — parts of it. I’m really happy for her, too. I wish I could just be excited and not have all this other baggage and the fear that I might wolf out because of my mom.”

“I know. It’s tough. Families can be great, especially the ones you find, and they can be the worst, like both of ours.

” Krista smiled knowingly. She’d also gotten away from a tough family situation when she came to Hickorywood.

“Enjoy what you can, make it through the rest, and then you’ll be back here with us. ”

“Where I’m supposed to be.”

Krista smiled, her eyes wrinkling in the corners. “Right where you should be.”

By the time they said goodbye, Jo felt better except for the dull ache in their bones. It had been a good idea to get out of their routine of loafing around the pack house and sleeping whenever they could to see a friend.

The good feelings lasted the entire walk home, but the moment Jo closed the door to their bedroom and they were alone, depression crept back in with all its doubts.

They had talked about themselves too much with Krista.

They had been too negative. No wonder no one wanted to be around them.

All they did was ask too much of people.

They couldn’t ask Cass to join them for the wedding — or Wil or Krista, for that matter.

They couldn’t be a burden any more than they already were.

People were so understanding of Jo and their brain, but wasn’t that the problem?

Krista didn’t need this kind of coddling.

Wil certainly didn’t. Everyone had already done so much for them. Jo couldn’t ask for more.

They barely knew Cass. It was too soon in their friendship. They couldn’t reveal what a helpless baby they were.

No, they’d go to the wedding alone. This wasn’t fanfiction or a great romance read Krista and Jo shared. This was real life — Jo’s life. Fake dating only sounded fun. In reality, it was asking too much of the other person.

Jo flopped down on the bed and, pulling the sheet over their head, wallowed in their bad feelings until they fell asleep.