Page 78 of Elijah

“I don’t want you to lose her, Eli. You’ve been without her for five years and it’s changed you from the happy, joyful brother I used to have.”

“I haven’t changed,” I protested.

“Yes you have, Eli. Yes you fucking have, and being with Mia isn’t going to bring my brother back, but being with Amy will.”

“And what if that’s not what she wants?” I asked.

Sam shook his head. “Of course she does. She never stopped loving you, it’s just Lauren Proctor did a fucking number on both of you. Amy was already in a bad headspace, she was emotional and fucking heartbroken already – Lauren just made sure it was well and truly annihilated.”

I swallowed and took a deep breath as the cruel hand of memories reached inside of me, grabbed my heart, and twisted it. Those last few months of our marriage were full of some of the worst times in my life. Hideous memories that I tried hard to never let filter through.

“Think about what she’d gone through a few months before. Both of you were only just starting to mend, finally you were getting there, but the pain was still evident in your face, Elijah. So if you were still feeling it, think what Amy must have been going through. That baby had been growing inside her, she was the one that went through it all. I know you held her hand every step of the way, and I know it was your baby too, but she was the one carrying it and she was the one who was supposed to be protecting it.”

I opened my mouth to object, but Sam held his hand up to stop me.

“I’m not saying she didn’t, or that it was her fault, it wasn’t, it was fucking nature in all its horrible glory, but that’s how Amy would have seen it. That’s why, when she saw what she saw that night, all logic went out of the window. Lauren screwed her over, but a sensible Amy, one who wasn’t in pain or full of guilt, would have stopped, screamed, and realised you were too fucking drunk to get it up, never mind have sex with the woman who’d made it her life’s mission to take you from her. It was the final straw for her already fragile heart, Eli.

Yes, she should have listened to you, but she didn’t. No, she shouldn’t have run away to fucking London, but she did. And now she’s back. She’s calmer and healed, and even more important, I know she still loves you.”

“Sam,” I groaned, rubbing a hand over my face. “I don’t know whether that’s true and I can’t risk telling her and have her tell me to fuck off, again.”

“Grow a fucking pair,” a groggy voice croaked from the sofa.

Sam and I looked at Lucas, who was pulling himself into a sitting position.

“Sam’s right, Eli,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “She loves you and you love her, so go and fucking tell her.”

I looked between my brother and friend, deciding I must be in a parallel universe where Sam and Lucas were relationship counsellors. Yes, they normally took the piss out of me and had digs about Mia, but this was on another level.

“One thing you’re forgetting,” I said. “I have a girlfriend and for all I know Amy has a boyfriend.”

“Well, you won’t know if you don’t ask, will you?” Sam said.

Lucas looked at me expectantly and I knew they were right. I’d never know, if I didn’t ask.