Page 61 of Elijah

Matty rubbed a hand down his face. “So he was going to cheat on her too.”

“No, no way,” I protested. “He couldn’t do it. He kept saying he couldn’t, but then he stopped me and kind of moved forward and then pulled away. I think it was because she turned up, but I honestly don’t think he’d have gone through with it, even if she hadn’t.”

“Why?”

I thought about it momentarily, and the reasons were sharp and painful.

“Because I’ve been a bitch to him, he knows I’d probably never let him forget what happened and because he doesn’t love me. He loves her.”

The last reason was the one that hurt the most. The one that felt like a barb in my skin. Elijah loved Mia and there was nothing I could do about it.

“Well if that’s true,” Matty sighed, pulling me against his side, “then you need to move on too, but if you think there’s even a small amount of chance that he might still love you then don’t give up. Talk to him and let him talk too, and bloody well listen.”

I looked up at my little brother, who was soon to be a dad and was over six inches taller than me and the feelings of pride and respect were overwhelming, but I also felt guilt too.

“Do you blame me for you losing him?” I asked.

Matty frowned and shook his head. “No, I blamed him. If he hadn’t done what he did, we’d all still have him.”

“Yeah, but maybe I should have talked to him.”

“Maybe, but you saw it with your own eyes, although I’ve gotta say Ames, I still find it difficult to believe. So, I do understand why you didn’t talk to him, why you couldn’t. I just wish…I wish I’d had some time with him, to say goodbye. He was like a brother to me, Ames, and when he disappeared from our lives, you did too and I felt like I was grieving, if that makes sense.”

I nodded and my heart felt heavy at not seeing before how much it had affected my family, and Matty in particular.

“I never believed it, well not at first,” Matty said, cupping a hand at the back of his neck. “I knew how much he loved you, worshipped you, but when you were so hurt and pained, I knew it had to be true.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Don’t be. Just do me a favour and make sure you’re happy. Don’t live a life of regret, especially if you’ve got a chance to change things.”

We looked at each other for a few seconds, letting our thoughts mull around our heads, until Carla joined us.

“I was telling Kacey about the pushchair,” she said, hooking her arm in Matty’s. “She said you must be an amazing sister.”

“She is,” Matty replied. “Buying that pushchair was the kindest thing anyone could ever do.”

“It’s just a gift, you soppy bugger,” I said, making light of things to avoid crying – again.

“It’s so much more than a gift and you know it,” Matty said, giving me a soft smile. “Now, who fancies some lunch? It’s on me.”

As we started to walk away, I glanced over at the baby shop and thought about things that might have been, and knew today had been the start of me moving forward, in more ways than one