Page 62 of Elijah

Elijah

aged 22

Elijah:Hey gorgeous, sorry but I’ve done something you may not be happy about xx

Amy:What!!??

Elijah:I opened the bathroom cabinet while I was having a wee xx

Amy:And??

Elijah:Your box of tampons fell out xx

Amy:And??

Elijah:They fell in the toilet xx

Amy:Okay?

Elijah:I fished them out and put them on the radiator to dry xx

Half expecting the last message to result in a call, I wasn’t surprised when my phone began to ring, knowing Amy would be on her way home from her new job in the design section in a local department store.

“Hi.”

“Please tell me there aren’t tampons drying out on the radiators.”

Amy sounded a little pained, but I didn’t understand why. I thought it had been an ingenious plan.

“Yeah, they all fell in, it would have been a total waste,” I explained.

“But they’re covered in pee!” she cried.

I held the phone away from my ear and moved aside to let a lady with a trolley pass me down the aisle.

“They were in the wrappers. They’ll be fine.”

“Elijah, really? You think I’d use them after that?”

“I dunno,” I replied with a shrug. “Don’t see why not.”

“Well of course I bloody wouldn’t. That’s disgusting.”

“Okay, so I’ll get you some more. I’m in the supermarket now, what sort do you want me to get.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line and all I could hear was the faint sound of Amy’s breathing.

“Amy?”

“What?”

“What sort of tampons do you want me to get?” I asked, making my way to the toiletries aisle. “Is it the ones in a blue box or the supermarket’s own – which ones?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Amy responded, sounding a little tentative.

“I know what tampons are,” I argued, rolling my eyes. “All I need to know is what brand.” As I reached them, I crouched down to study the boxes. “There seems to be different sizes. Does that depend on the size of your-.”

“No Eli!” she snapped, cutting me off. “It doesn’t. Now just go and get what we need and forget about the damn tampons.”