Page 181 of Duty and Desire

“And if it gets bad,” Boone cut in. “Talk to one of us. We’ll wade in.”

“That’s it?” I asked.

“You don’t get it,” Mag said.

I looked to him.

“And you can’t get it, Lottie,” he continued. “And that’s good, darlin’. Seriously good. That said, it doesn’t help seein’ as you don’t get it. What he’s going through but more, why he’s going through it. You have to be able to get it to help.”

“Misery loves company,” I replied depressingly.

“Just that, babe,” Boone put in.

I stared at the marble countertop of the island, wanting to think happy thoughts, seeing as my mound of hunkalicious boyfriend loved me.

But I was not thinking happy thoughts.

Auggie caught my attention by speaking.

“You know, it helps that you give a shit, Lots. It might not feel like it. It might get frustrating. But it does help, even if you don’t feel like it is. And it should get better. Mo’s dreams might never fully go away. But he’s been out a long time, they have gotten better since I’ve known him, and he’s developed tools to deal with them. If he tries something new, being with you, hopefully they’ll come less frequent. Just give a shit and don’t give up. If it was you, he wouldn’t.”

No, he wouldn’t.

I believed that totally.

“I like to be more hands on,” I shared, and Auggie smiled.

Yep, could see a woman worshiping at the altar of that.

“That probably works too,” he replied, and his smile dimmed, but didn’t fade before he said, “But as awesome as you are, babe, it’s not the miracle cure. And that’s gonna suck for you because when you care about somebody, you think that emotion, if you give enough of it, will cure anything. It’d be fantastic if it did. But it doesn’t. It won’t go away because what he saw and did will never go away. He’ll learn to cope with it his way, part with your help, but this is something that isn’t about you.”

Oh yeah.

Love and care and support not being the cure?

That was going to suck.

“Where it goes wrong is when you make him feel, whether on purpose or not, that you think you should be enough,” Auggie carried on. “When you make him feel what you can give should be the only therapy he needs. That backfires because he’ll know you’ll be thinking that, he’ll feel shit that you’re thinking that, and he can’t give it to you. It will add guilt to other crap he’s got piled on him. All that gets twisted, for both of you, and if you’re not careful, it gets twisted sometimes in a way you can’t get straight.”

I wondered if he knew this from experience.

I didn’t ask then, and not only because I didn’t get the chance.

“Sounds simple,” Boone entered the discussion. “‘Just be there for him.’ But as you can see, it isn’t. It’s a challenge. But you got a leg up, Mac. Most women look at a man like Mo and it’s a turn off, what they perceive as a weakness. They don’t wanna know. They want him to sort himself out so he can be strong to take care of their shit. So you’re already doing what you need to be doing. It just doesn’t feel like it.”

I glared at Boone while he spoke, and when he was done talking, declared, “I totally should have torn Tammy’s hair out when I had the chance. Stupid Mo. He made me stand down. If I see that bitch again, it’s gonna make my fights with my sister seem like a cakewalk. And both Jet and I havegrips ofsteel.”

“We’ll arrange a takedown,” Mag offered, now not looking troubled, only looking amused. “One condition. We all get to be there to watch.”

“Grip of steel,” Boone muttered. “Mo is one serious lucky fuck.”

That made me feel better.

Slightly.

But it made me feel better.

I shot Boone a smile and said to them all, “Don’t clean the kitchen before you go. I’ll need something to do waiting for Mo to get back.”