Page 30 of Do You Ship It

‘Where did you say you’re going again?’ Dad asks, loitering in my bedroom doorway, car keys in hand, while I hurtle about my room grabbing my jacket, my shoes – no, not those , what am I thinking? – and being generally very, very late.

We were supposed to leave eight minutes ago. I’ll miss the train!

And I really don’t want to be late to my first proper fan-meet with the local Of Wrath and Rune Discord, and Anissa’s already waiting at the station for me. She doesn’t want to walk in on her own, I know.

‘Board-game cafe,’ I respond. ‘Have you seen –? Never mind, there they are. And where’s …? I cast about for the postcards I made – personalised fanart of everyone’s favourite characters. It’s kind of like the Taylor Swift friendship bracelets, I figure, only nerdier.

They were on the desk, but I see Dad’s picked them up to look at.

‘Did you say it was with some internet friends ?’ he asks. He frowns at me. ‘Your mother mentioned Anissa’s going too, but is this … safe?’

‘It’s not just Anissa. Jake’s going, as well. There’s a few of us.’

And Max, too, according to Anissa … My heart squeezes, thinking about actually seeing him again. At least we’ll be surrounded by other people, so maybe it won’t be so awkward. Maybe he’ll be the haughty, annoying guy from those early watch-parties, and I won’t even mind that he never reached out to me after our kiss.

If he’s the guy from the party … open, and vulnerable, earnest and confident, and sweet …

I am not prepared for that.

I shove all thoughts of Max aside. I can’t afford to get distracted by him today; it’s too important.

‘And it’s for this … fantasy show?’ Dad holds up the postcards, and I snatch them to shove in my bag. ‘I thought that stuff was always more Jake’s thing.’

‘It was. But it’s mine now, too.’

On my own terms.

‘Are those pictures for your internet friends?’

‘They’re just friends , Dad; you don’t have to call them internet friends . Besides, Chloe does stuff like this all the time with other Twitch streamers.’ A thought strikes me, and I look at him in horror. ‘Oh, God, you don’t think it’s totally dorky for me to bring them paintings of their favourite characters, do you? Is that really weird?’

He laughs. ‘It sounds just weird enough, if you ask me. And those are really bloody good, Cerys. Now come on . You’re late enough as it is!’

I really am, and we make it to the train station with three minutes to spare. Dad spends the whole car ride asking me with great interest about the show that’s inspired my recent artwork and helped me forge new friendships. I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts watching it when he gets home.

Anissa’s waiting nervously between the platform and the car park, and I swear I hear her sigh of relief through the car window when she spots me and waves.

‘Thanks for the lift!’ I say, already hurtling out of the car.

‘Of course. Have a nice time with your not-internet friends. And – Cerys.’

I pause, not quite shutting the door, a bit agitated because he sounds serious, and I really don’t have the time for some lecture. Mum already did that. I ended up having to swap numbers with Heather/@silversmithhh so we could FaceTime and Mum could see she was a perfectly normal nineteen-year-old woman. Still, I try not to sound too annoyed when I say to Dad, ‘Yeah?’

He grins. ‘Those paintings are really good. Maybe you can show me and your mum some more of your work properly sometime? And show us what we’re missing with this series, if it’s inspired you so much.’

‘Er … yeah. Yeah, okay. I actually have a showcase coming up with college in a couple of weeks for the Eisteddfod … Maybe you guys could come to that?’

‘Cerys!’ Anissa yells. ‘The train!’

I shout a last goodbye to Dad and leg it over the bridge with her to the other platform. As we collapse into some seats, my heart is thundering, but I think that has more to do with the adrenaline rush of what today is about than the dash for the train.

I’ll get to meet everyone, this odd collection of friends I’ve come to know and cherish over the last six months and never would’ve met without OWAR; and, more importantly, it’s the first time I’ll be seeing Jake since the fireworks party.

And Max. But I’m not thinking about Max. I am not – thinking – about – Max!

My stomach in knots, I unlock my phone to look again at the last few texts with Jake to try to reassure myself.

Me

Hey, I just wanted to say I can’t wait to see you tomorrow at the meet-up, Anissa mentioned you were definitely going. I’ve missed hanging out with you x

Jake

Me too. I’m sorry Cer, my head’s just been all over the place. Everything after the party was just … I dunno, it’s a lot to explain?

Me

I really never meant to hurt you

Jake

I know. Me either. I’m sorry. See you tomorrow? X

The texts might be short, but they feel honest and weighty in a way his other texts lately haven’t, and ever since, I’ve been toying with an idea I can’t quite shake. A grand gesture, as per The New and Improved Plan.

Something I know I’ll regret if I don’t do.

Because, really, there’s only so long we can do the constant messaging and flirty banter over Discord while pretending like we’re keeping each other at arm’s length, isn’t there? I know it feels safer and less scary when we use OWAR as a bit of a front, but that doesn’t make it any less real .

I thought I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we’d salvaged, but – it’s so much more than that, isn’t it? My long-time crush. The endless late-night conversations. His reaction to the kiss with Max. That’s not just friendship , is it?

‘Are you okay?’ Anissa asks me. Her leg hasn’t stopped jiggling, but she’s nervous for different reasons.

I turn my phone screen off, and take a deep breath before smiling. ‘I’m perfect. Today is going to be perfect. I think … Nis, I think I’m going to tell him how I feel.’

She beams at me, showing the gap in her teeth, and gives an excited wriggle in her seat. ‘About time!’

I laugh. ‘Is it that obvious?’

‘You both are. Never mind Moonsilver, I’m shipping “Mythicrascal” these days.’

‘You really think he’ll take it well? That he … he feels the same way?’

The level gaze she gives me reminds me that she might even know Jake better than I do currently.

I swallow a shriek, trying to contain myself.

I’m on my way to meet up with my fandom friends, with Anissa, and I’m finally going to tell the boy I like that I love him.

It really is all coming together.