Page 10 of Die for You (Kiss or Kill #2)

I don’t look any different.

But I certainly feel different.

I suppose I should be relieved that my strange behavior is linked to my hormones.

But I am not.

How can I be?

I can’t bring a child into this world.

My world.

I wasn’t taught to be a mother.

I was raised to be a killer.

Nausea threatens to take me down, but I’m so used to it, I close my eyes and wait for it to subside. Once it does, I place my hands over my flat belly and look at my naked reflection in the bathroom mirror.

How is this possible?

This doesn’t feel like a gift.

This is a curse.

With a mother like me and a father like Lenny, this child is bound to be evil.

But when I think about her conception and how she was made with nothing but love, I wonder if maybe she’s not a curse, but a miracle instead.

I want to protect her and give her the life I never had.

But how is that possible?

She will be subjected to the horrors of my life and the dangers that face me every single day because of my actions, which led me here.

I now have a little someone depending on me to keep them safe when I can barely keep myself safe.

Cupping my belly tighter, I quash down the tears because I won’t give her the life I had. I will try my best to be the mother I never had.

She was unplanned, and this throws a huge curveball my way, but I’m all she has. I know what it feels like to be unloved and question your worth, so I vow here and now that I won’t do that to my angioletto.

“Lettie,” I mumble under my breath.

It seems perfect as it’s in the same vein as her father’s name—a father she’ll never know.

My little angel has a name.

I’ve been alone my entire life, but no more.

Lettie is a part of me.

And she is a part of Lennon.

It’s impossible not to love her.

Guilt swarms me because Lenny has a right to know that he’s going to be a father. But how do I break this kind of news when we’re not speaking? The last time we saw each other, he made it clear that our reunion, whenever that may be, would not be a happy one.

But would this change things?

Maybe Lettie will reunite us, and we could be one big happy family.

I scoff at the notion because Lenny and I only know conflict. And besides, I don’t want our daughter growing up in a world where her life is at risk.

She will be collateral to many.

Therefore, no one can know she exists.

If it was uncovered that Lenny and I had a child, a Mafia princess, then the bounty on her head would be priceless.

No one can know of her existence. I will keep her safe here in Italy. I can never return to America. A hard truth but it’s one I must accept. Everything happens for a reason, and that is why I came here—to save my child.

Something deep down in my belly tells me to keep her a secret from the world, Gianna included. A protection so fierce overcomes me, something I’ve never felt before. I decide to listen to intuition, and I can work out the rest along the way.

“Ciao, Valentina, sei a casa?”

Quickly slipping into my robe, I splash some water onto my face so I look semi-human and meet Nico in the kitchen. The smell of freshly brewed coffee is one of the only things that doesn’t turn my stomach. A fact Nico is aware of.

He takes one look at me, and his reaction says it all.

“Nice to know I look as shit as I feel,” I say, while Nico arches a brow, confused. “Oh right, you don’t understand me.”

Even though he doesn’t, he can read my body language and knows I’m being a huge bitch to him, which is unwarranted. He has been nothing but nice to me, so I have no right being so rude.

I don’t think I can blame baby hormones on this.

He doesn’t press and instead pours me a shot of espresso.

No cream or sugar. The Italians take it black.

I drink it in one mouthful and am thankful when it doesn’t come back up.

Nico downs his coffee before washing his cup out and leaving it by the sink. He makes it clear that he’s leaving, and I don’t blame him after my antisocial behavior.

I instantly feel bad.

“Do you want to go into town? I can make us dinner,” I say in a rushed breath.

Nico turns to look at me while I point out the window and gesture with my hands to my mouth.

Thankfully, he understands my charades and nods.

I have no idea why he’s so good to me. But I will try my best and return the favor.

Quickly excusing myself, I go to my bedroom and slip into some underwear, a yellow summer dress, and sandals. I tie my hair into a messy bun and don’t bother with any makeup. Looking into the mirror, I shrug because this is the best I got.

Reaching for my bag, I quickly check the cell Madam Gazella gave to me. I haven’t called the number like instructed. I had other pressing matters to deal with.

But I will make sure to call it today.

Once I head back out into the kitchen, I see Nico waiting outside by his motorbike. It’s a beautiful day, and the sun bounces down on him, highlighting him in a way that evokes a longing that hits me hard. Yes, Nico is an attractive man, but this desire is different.

I suddenly feel myself getting wet just by the sight of him.

His white shirt sticks to him like a second skin, leaving nothing to the imagination as every taut muscle is on display. His skin is sun-kissed, and his hair is styled in just the right way to give him that sexy bedhead look.

Every part of me is aroused, and it terrifies me. I have never felt this way for another man before.

Nico turns and catches me watching him through the window.

My cheeks instantly blister.

I lock the back door and walk toward him. But something off to the right catches my eye.

It’s a bicycle.

Nico points at it with a smile. “For you,” he says with a strong accent, which just makes the gesture even more special.

I want to refuse, but truth be told, this bike is a godsend as it gives me a means of transportation. I don’t have a driver’s license, but even if I did, I can’t afford a car. So this is perfect.

“Not new,” he explains, but I don’t need new.

The faded blue bike has some rust, but its wheels are sturdy, and the cute little woven basket at the front adds a rustic touch.

Many people ride bikes here because of the winding, narrow roads, so I will fit in, which is what I want. Besides, most people underestimate those who ride a bike. It’s the perfect disguise.

“Thank you,” I say and stand on tippy-toes to kiss his cheek.

He freezes, which makes me realize what I just did.

It was innate, but I suddenly pull away, embarrassed for the PDA.

However, Nico softly grips my wrist, rubbing his finger over my suddenly racing pulse.

We lock eyes, and I see it—he feels this too.

Our chemistry is hard to ignore, and regardless that we’re lost in translation with one another, our bodies speak the same language. And right now, my body wants to be closer to his. I don’t know what it is, but he makes me feel…safe.

Deep down, I know that’s because he doesn’t know the real me.

If he did, he wouldn’t want anything to do with me.

I remember that when I gently remove my wrist from his hold.

Whatever passed between us disappears, which I am thankful for because I can’t forget who I am. But more importantly…I can’t forget what I have done.

It’s a lovely Sunday morning, and if circumstances were different, I would appreciate the beauty. But I’m being followed.

The market in town is packed with people. Locals buy their fresh produce, while tourists take it all in. It’s the perfect place to go unnoticed.

But I was trained by the best, and I know the middle-aged man wearing a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and brown pants isn’t here for the infamous cannolis.

He’s here for me.

Friend or foe?

I don’t know.

But I will soon find out.

First, however, I need to ditch Nico.

He has been enjoying the market, talking to locals, and buying enough food to feed an army. I did say I was going to make us dinner, but that’s the least of my concerns now.

We stop by a fishmonger who waves eagerly at Nico.

This is my chance.

Nico introduces me, and I smile politely before saying, “ Toilette .”

Both men nod, and the fishmonger points toward a brick building that is far enough away not to rouse suspicion.

“I won’t be long.”

Nico nods, and I casually walk toward the toilet, ensuring I make eye contact with the stranger.

There’s no point playing coy.

He could have remained incognito, but he wanted me to be aware of his presence.

He follows subtly as we duck and weave our way through the unsuspecting shoppers. They are oblivious. Must be nice to live a life where you’re not constantly looking over your shoulder.

Thoughts drift to Lettie.

I don’t want this for her. I don’t want this to be her legacy, which is why I decide that once I do this for Gianna, I’m out.

I will repay my debts, then I will make a life for me and Lettie—away from all this.

Maybe I can start fresh?

But I know I can never run too far from my demons, as they are never far behind.

Once I reach the bathrooms, I turn the corner, away from prying eyes, and wait for the man. He appears a moment later.

I don’t fear him because if he wanted me dead, I would be.

“Who are you?” I ask, not bothering with formalities.

“I was expecting your call,” he replies in a strong Italian accent.

So it’s his number that is programmed into my phone.

“Well, you saved me a call. What do you want?”

He has the audacity to laugh. “Gianna warned me about you.”

“In that case, I’m sure she also told you that I have no patience.”

It’s amazing how easily I slip into this persona, and I soon realize I am two people—I just don’t know who I like best.

“I am Vince, your contact here in Sicily. Gianna wants to keep you hidden, just for now. You are her secret weapon.”

It’s hard not to be a touch insulted that Gianna merely sees me as collateral she can use for her gain.

“Enzo is Aldo’s brother, and he will do anything to get his revenge. We must be careful. No one suspects you, which is why we will win.”

“And what exactly do we win?”