Page 10 of Deranged (Killers Inc. #3)
“No.” Field couldn’t listen to it. “You don’t know.
None of you do.” He flashed Edge an apologetic smile.
“Except probably Edge, of course, but the rest of you don’t know.
I know our lives were terrible and ugly and the worst things imaginable happened to all of us, and you still don’t know.
You can’t understand what it’s like to be me, and I’d never want that for any of you.
” Not once had Field spoken up. Now that he had, he couldn’t stop.
He couldn’t be their jokester tonight. “I love all of you, but I—” A growl burst from him.
He didn’t know how to explain how he couldn’t go back.
Henry had brought him so far away from the past. Field couldn’t go with them if they wanted him to go back to a reality without that happiness.
He didn’t love anyone enough to go back.
“Before Mickey, I watched all of you choose each other over me.”
Field rubbed his chest when Edge’s quietly spoken words hit. Apparently, tonight was the night they would break each other.
“You’ve all seen me as… Well, I don’t know, exactly.
I just know I’ve never been fully one of the group.
I won’t return to that life. If you want to leave Beau’s, it’ll be without me.
” He met Field’s stare. “Not trying to hijack your moment. I’m just trying to say I’m with you.
If I’m being asked to choose.” He looked around, owning his choice.
“Then I’m sorry. I choose my husband, and he belongs to Beau. ”
Rain sniffed, pulling all eyes his way. Tears flowed freely down his face. “I’m so sorry, Edge. It’s all my fault. If everyone has treated you different, it’s because of me.”
God. Field couldn’t take it. “I’m so good at fixing things, my motto is, ‘If it isn’t broke, I’ll fix it.’”
Everyone looked his way, confused. “What did the bison say to his son when he left the farm? Bi-son.”
Everyone groaned.
Field smiled. It was hard. It felt sad even to him. As always, he couldn’t stop himself from being the one who broke the tension. He couldn’t take the stress. “Sorry. I don’t know any other way to be.”
Shadow squeezed his arm.
He wished he could stop and just go home.
Field wanted to climb beneath the sheets and maybe never wake up again.
His chest felt heavy tonight. He knew he would never get to walk away.
This was his life forever, and he was drowning.
He prayed no one made him choose. At this point, he might just walk off a cliff.
Henry went home and showered before going in search of Field.
He looked in all the usual places, fully expecting Field would be all over people, acting the fool to deal with his stress.
Field was nowhere to be found. Henry had to see him.
He had to make sure for himself that Field wasn’t hurt in any way.
When he finally gave up, and went to Field’s bedroom to wait, he felt a little dumb when he found Field asleep.
He had a busted lip. Henry was enraged all over again.
If these fucking kids wanted to get themselves killed, that was fine.
He didn’t understand why they continued dragging Field into it.
They knew his mental health couldn’t take it.
Henry ignored the tiny voice in his head, reminding him Beau had sent them on that job. He was too angry to be reasoned with.
While moving slowly, he crawled onto the bed and beneath the covers.
He held his breath as he scooted close and spooned Field.
Field shifted slightly, getting more comfortable in his hold.
He didn’t wake. Henry stared at the wall.
He could see Field’s reflection in the corner of a nearby mirror.
Even in his sleep, he looked sad. Henry wanted to go on a rampage.
He had known this was how it would be tonight.
The boys worked on rotation when it wasn’t a job Rain and Shadow had to handle.
With it being Field’s night, Henry had known he needed to follow.
He didn’t understand why this crew couldn’t see the way they broke his beautiful boy.
While Henry would likely never know what happened to Field, he knew Field wasn’t meant to continue this life.
His part, being the one who kept everyone’s spirits high, that should be enough. They were driving him to the grave.
Field suddenly rolled and tucked himself deeper into Henry’s hold.
Henry kissed his head.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“Don’t be sorry. You need the rest.” He hadn’t known what to expect. Anger, he supposed. He had followed Field and butted into family business. Field might have reacted any type of way.
His lips skimmed Henry’s neck. Henry closed his eyes and savored the sensation. “Thank you for showing up tonight.” He ran his hand up inside Henry’s shirt, as if trying to get even closer.
“I worried you’d be angry with me.”
“Why were you there?” Field still sounded half asleep, but he was being very snuggly. He had Henry’s walls falling—the way he always did. This was why he couldn’t stay away. Being with Field was like coming home and finally getting to relax.
“I was worried about you.”
“Then why would I be mad?”
Henry didn’t know. Truthfully, if the shoe was on the other foot, he would be furious. That was pride speaking, though. Field had never put pride between them. Henry wouldn’t either.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. He only got in one hit. A busted lip is nothing.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Field went still. Henry regretted asking. He loved the way Field stroked his stomach and chest, loving on him. “Ridge wants us to leave.”
Henry’s immediate reaction was visceral. He wanted to find Ridge and rip him to pieces.
Field kept talking like Henry wasn’t seeing red.
“This is the second job with Beau that’s gone sideways.
He thinks Beau is putting us in more danger than he is protecting us.
Edge basically said none of us gave a fuck about him.
So if forced to choose, he wouldn’t choose us.
His husband is here, so that’s fair. Still kind of upset; he thinks I don’t care, though. ”
Henry tried breathing through his nose to calm his temper. He didn’t want it showing in his voice. “That first job, your team was warned it was likely a setup. Tonight was a fluke. No one expected Briggs would be there. He had no reason to be.”
Field went back to stroking him. “Who’s Briggs? Is that the guy’s name who attacked me?”
“Yeah. He’s a freelance… whatever you hire him to be, I suppose.
From what I gathered, your target had asked him to come to tonight’s meeting last minute.
He wanted to hire him for a job, but it had to be in person.
Briggs intentionally showed up late to keep the upper hand and scope out the situation.
That’s when he spotted you. Apparently, he planned to use the same spot to get a clear view of what was going on.
You swung your weapon his way, and he automatically defended himself. ”
“Well, shit. Is he dead?”
Field’s tone made Henry glad for Beau’s level head. It was obvious Field would be upset over the guy dying for him.
“No. Austen is treating him. He knows we spared his life. That’s a loyalty money can’t buy in this business. The piece of shit you shot wouldn’t have shown him that same mercy.”
“It’s good he’s alive. There’s always so much death. It never goes away.”
His voice still had a hint of a slur, as if he was half out of his head.
A thought hit Henry. “Have you been drinking?”
“I had an episode. Austen shot me full of drugs. It’s okay.”
Henry’s throat immediately swelled. He hadn’t been here.
If he hadn’t been questioning that fucking guy, then he would have been here.
Henry always let his temper win. At least they hadn’t called Zeus, he didn’t think.
Field wore a black long sleeve shirt and workout shorts.
Henry couldn’t tell if he had any open wounds.
They had better not have called Zeus. No one beat his baby. Henry would definitely kill someone.
“Henry?” Field sounded like he was more asleep than awake again.
“Yeah?”
“I’ll choose you.”
Henry thought his chest would cave. He had been too scared of himself to let his thoughts dwell on Ridge’s words. Henry could only deal with so much bullshit tonight. He hadn’t known how badly he needed that reassurance until he got it.
“Good. I have no qualms about tying you to the bed.” He felt Field chuckle. Henry held him tighter. He would check Field for wounds tomorrow. Field needed rest, and Henry still itched to kill someone. It was best to get some sleep.