Page 4

DAISY

T he bath helped a little. At least I’m not freezing cold and dirty anymore. I shift on the bed, so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, but I can’t go to sleep. My body feels wired despite my fatigue. Pain seems to be coming from everywhere . My feet burn, my ankle throbs, and my legs hurt, the left one most of all. My palms are grazed, too, which I hadn’t noticed before I put them in the water, and they began to sting. My jaw aches where I was slapped. My lip, too. There are a ton of random bruises beginning to bloom on me, most of which I can’t remember getting.

I shiver as my mind inevitably goes back to the night’s events, what happened in the games room at the forefront of it all. It’s not the first time I’ve been hurt by a guy in a white coat, I rationalize mostly so I can calm down and go to bed. Maybe I should just be glad I was wrong, and The Heath wasn’t actually coming back for me like I thought. At least, not yet. Maybe Shade really will make sure his dad doesn’t find out about this.

I shift again, my aching limbs restless.

Or maybe Plan B needs to be fleshed out better. It’s becoming more and more likely that I’m going to need it to be a viable option.

I let out a sigh, curling into myself a little. Lu just left. I was afraid of her seeing me like this, of not being able to be the Daisy she’s come to know over the past few weeks. What if she decides she doesn’t want to be my friend after tonight?

I hear my door again, and when I look up, it’s Mav who’s hovering at the threshold.

He raises the first aid bag he’s holding. ‘Can I come in?’

I nod, shuffling up the bed a little so that he can do whatever he’s going to do easily and then leave me alone.

I know I shouldn’t be angry at him. He didn’t do anything. In fact, from what I recall, he was the one who came into the games room in time to stop what was happening.

But I am angry at him, as well as at Blake and Shade. I’m angry at the campus cops, the frat bros, the wrestling team. I’m pretty much angry with everyone. I was even angry with Lu for disappearing at the party and not being in her dorm when I went to find her, even though I know that’s not fair. And she explained to me with lots of tearful, ‘I’m so sorrys,’ that she lost me and was trying to find me. I know what happened wasn’t her fault anyway.

It was mine.

‘Daisy?’ Mav asks.

I look at him and he sits on the bed beside me.

‘I’m so sorry.’

I shake my head. ‘You stopped them,’ I say, attempting a smile.

I don’t succeed though. From his expression, I think it comes out as more of a grimace.

‘Lay back,’ he murmurs. ‘Try to relax and let’s get you feeling better, okay?’

I nod with a small sigh, allowing myself to trust him. I let my body lean back. It’s surprisingly easy, which tells me just how drained I am. Even the ingrained fear of correction isn’t enough to keep my back straight, though I realize I’m keeping my face in its practiced and pleasantly neutral mask.

I know it’s beginning to slip though.

I glance at Mav who’s rifling through the bright green bag he brought and pulling out medical gauze of different sizes wrapped in plastic.

‘I don’t think I need bandages,’ I say.

My voice comes out utterly tonelessly and I falter as he looks up, scrambling internally to appear normal .

‘Why don’t you let me be the judge of that, huh? I’ve dealt with my fair share of my own injuries, and the other guys’ in the frat. I feel like the house nurse most days anyway.’

He smiles but then frowns a little when I don’t. Was I supposed to? I didn’t catch whatever it was. I think about what he just said, but I’m not sure.

‘I’m sorry if I missed something,’ I whisper, my eyes following the lines of the bedspread. ‘I can’t really...be… I’m just… I’m very tired.’

‘Tulip,’ he whispers. ‘Don’t say sorry for something like that. Please. You never have to apologize for being you. You’re enough. You’re always enough. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. Not really.’

Perhaps tomorrow his sentiments will make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but for now I just nod and close my eyes.

He’s putting something on the cuts on my legs and hands. It feels greasy and I’m not sure I like the sensation at all, but I let him do it. I can’t feel much worse anyway.

He wraps my foot as carefully as he can, and I try not to let the pain of the movements show on my face. He puts an ice pack on the swollen part when he’s finished, murmuring that he’ll take it off in fifteen minutes or so as he slides a pillow under my leg to elevate it a little.

‘How did you know where I was?’ I ask, trying to take my mind off the sudden cold on my ankle that hurts almost as bad as the injury itself. ‘Was it the cameras?’

He doesn’t answer for a moment, but his face is grim, and I wonder if he keeps thinking about what happened in the games room, too.

‘Luck. I was looking for you,’ he says finally. ‘What were you doing in there with them?’

I frown, a feeling I don’t like worming its way through me because he must instinctively know that what happened was my fault, just as Travis did. Everyone must know.

‘I was trying to find you,’ I say very quietly, hoping he doesn’t think I’m trying to shift the blame to him.

‘Me, or all of us?’

Closing my eyes, I can’t help my scoff. ‘Just you, I think.’

I feel him putting the greasy stuff on my face, a lone finger dabbing my lip where it’s cut.

‘I think it’s important that you know,’ he begins. ‘The others weren’t with Laurie and Jolie.’

I glance at him and then away quickly as he continues.

‘Blake told Jolie to get lost and Shade?—’

I wriggle away from his touch. ‘I know you’re close, but please... I’d rather you didn’t lie to me. Just say nothing. I heard about Shade from Laurie directly. I saw.’

‘Listen to me, Daisy. Don’t say anything for a minute, please.’

He places his hand on mine and squeezes it gently. I let him, finding that it’s oddly comforting when it’s him.

‘Blake and Shade were both with me for most of the night. Blake didn’t go anywhere with Jolie. He hasn’t done anything with her, or any other girl, in weeks. As for Shade,’ Mav snorts, ‘he thinks Laurie is nuts. She is nuts.’

‘That doesn’t mean anything,’ I whisper, ‘and why do I care about what her and Shade do anyway?’

He gives me a look I don’t understand. ‘You seem to care a lot, so why don’t you tell me?’

‘Doesn’t matter,’ I say.

‘It does,’ he insists. ‘I’ve never seen Shade act the way he does with you. You may not be able to see it, but he cares about you, and if you don’t believe me, believe that robe you have on. He doesn’t let anyone else even touch it, let alone wear it.’

‘The dressing gown? I like it,’ I murmur, running my hand down it. ‘It’s warm. Soft. Why is it so special to him?’

‘His mom gave it to him. Your mom, I mean. For Christmas last year.’

This was a present from my mom?

‘She didn’t give me presents,’ I whisper. ‘Nothing after I was taken to The Heath.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he says softly, squeezing my fingers gently. ‘But that doesn’t mean she didn’t love you.’

I don’t know if that’s true, but I decide not to say anything else. Instead, I try to commit what Mav has told me to memory so that I can analyze it later.

‘Will you lay next to me?’ I ask, finally feeling like I’ll be able to sleep, but finding the idea of being alone right now kind of frightening.

I don’t look at him because I don’t want to see the answer in his face.

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ he rumbles.

But he sounds closer than he was before.

‘Why not?’

He doesn’t answer.

‘I feel safer when you’re with me,’ I hear myself saying drowsily.

‘Oh, Tulip,’ he whispers on a sigh.

But the bed dips a little and he settles his head next to mine. He doesn’t touch me except to put his hand in mine again.

I close my eyes and begin to drift. ‘I hope the notes aren’t from you. I’d be sad if it was you.’

‘What notes? Daisy? What notes?’

The next time I open my eyes, it’s daytime. I look at the clock next to the bed and it says it’s five fifty. I sit up and groan, holding my head. I’m still in the fluffy black robe with a long t-shirt underneath. I’m also covered by my blanket. I move my feet and gasp at the pain radiating through my ankle. My shoulder hurts, too. And my wrists are sore.

Bits and pieces of the night come rushing back to me and, as they do, my stomach pitches.

‘How are you feeling?’

Blake’s voice is low, and it cuts through everything that’s going on in my mind.

My head pulses and I lay back in bed again carefully.

‘Not nice.’

‘Are you hungry?’ he asks.

I frown. ‘No.’

‘Thirsty?’

‘Yes.’

He looms over me, and I squint up at him. ‘Want some pain killers?’

‘Yes.’

He smirks. ‘Say, ‘please’.’

‘Please,’ I answer immediately.

His smile widens. ‘Say, ‘Blake is the best guy in the world.’’

‘I haven’t met all the guys in the world, so I can’t say that. It might be a lie.’

He lets out a quiet laugh and then cocks his head to the side. ‘So, you can’t lie?’

‘I can, but I don’t like to,’ I say truthfully.

He snorts. ‘Sit up, Sleeping Beauty. I’ll bring you some pills and water.’

He leaves the room, and I lever myself up in the bed with my arms, wincing at the soreness that’s pretty much everywhere.

‘What day is it?’ I ask when he comes back in a minute later, holding a blister pack and a glass of water.

‘Saturday. You’ve been asleep all day. Your friend was here earlier. She came to check on you. She didn’t stay all that long after she found you asleep though.’

Maybe that means that Lu and I are still friends. My worry that she might not want to be anymore eases a little.

‘Thanks.’

He hands me a couple of pills and I drink them down with some water, realizing as soon as I take my first mouthful how thirsty I am, and gulping the rest of the glass.

He quirks a brow at me. ‘Want another?’

I nod.

‘I’ll get you one in a minute. I need to take a look at the ankle. Mav’s orders.’

An unbidden memory of Mav and I chatting last night has my heart stuttering in my chest. Oh, my God. Did I mention the notes? I couldn’t have, surely! I definitely wasn’t firing on all cylinders, though, and there was a moment just before I fell asleep that I was thinking about them, and I might have mentioned them out loud. What if I did?

‘Where is he?’ I ask.

I’ll just have to say that I don’t remember anything about it if he brings it up, I decide, and then he’ll assume I was half asleep and talking nonsense.

I can’t discern Blake’s expression. ‘He stayed with you until this morning, but there was a problem at the lab, so he had to?—’

‘At the lab?’ I sit up straighter, remembering the experiments Mav was setting up just before Halloween. He was cagey about it, but I know he was putting a lot of time into it. It was important to him, and I’m the lab assistant, so I should be there to help.

‘Relax,’ Blake says slowly, putting his hands on my shoulders and pushing me gently back down into the bed. ‘Everything is fine, our smart little lab assistant. There’s nothing you need to do. Mav has it all in hand. You won’t get in trouble for not being there, or something.’

‘Okay,’ I sigh a little petulantly because I’ve realized that they’re keeping me in the dark on purpose about some of the things they’re working on.

‘I’ll stay with you until he comes back if you want.’

The idea of being by myself makes me anxious. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t seem to help it. What if they come up here and I can’t get away from them? I can’t suppress my shiver.

‘Okay,’ I say again.

His jaw tenses and I wonder if he’s angry with me. ‘They’re not going to get away with it, you know.’

I look up at him and shake my head. ‘Who?’

‘Marcus and those two other fuckers. They’re going to regret everything they did in that room sooner or later. I’ll make sure of it.’

I look up in surprise and then down at the comforter again, drawing circles with my finger slowly. He doesn’t realize I’m to blame. I should make sure he knows the truth.

‘But it was my fault,’ I say quietly, cowering a little in the face of my confession.

‘What the hell are you talking about?’ he snarls, his outburst making me flinch back.

I don’t look at his face.

‘Sorry,’ he mumbles. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you, but what do you mean? How could it have been your fault, Daisy?’

‘The way I was dressed, for one,’ I say, clenching my eyes shut.

‘No,’ he says. ‘That isn’t?—’

‘Yes,’ I insist.

I chance a quick look up and find him staring at me, his expression twisted in anger.

‘After I ran, when I was in Lu’s dorm. There were a couple of guys I know. I was waiting for Lu with them. Travis said I brought it on myself. That I only had myself to blame, dressed how I was.’

‘Daisy,’ he begins, but I shake my head.

‘The officers thought so too,’ I whisper, and it suddenly occurs to me what this horrible feeling is that’s been twisting through me.

I hang my head and get to the crux of the matter. ‘When Marcus and the others surrounded me, I was scared, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t run away. Maybe they thought... I’m so ashamed.’

Blake’s hands cup my face, raising it up to his. His soft touch is at odds with how angry he seems to be. He sees the tear-filled eyes that I’m trying to hide, and his grip on me tightens just a little.

‘It was not your fault,’ he says slowly but vehemently, eyes staring into mine until I have to move them away. ‘Not even a little bit. You weren’t dressed differently than the other girls at the party, Daisy, no different than they’re dressed for every party. You weren’t acting different. You weren’t even drinking until Marcus literally poured that alcohol down your throat and made you swallow it. It was nothing you did or didn’t do. I promise you. Marcus saw an opportunity to hurt you and us, and he took it. That’s it. He’s an asshole and he’s going to get what’s coming to him.’

I cringe. ‘You saw...what they did?’

‘On the cams afterward, yes.’

I close my eyes, hating that it was all caught on tape. ‘Did anyone else?’

‘Only Mav and Shade,’ he says quietly and there’s something in his voice that I haven’t heard before.

I don’t know what it is.

‘Can you help me get up, please?’ I ask.

He nods and steps back, holding out his arm for me to take. He stays still as I pull myself up to standing with one foot planted firmly on the floor and the other hovering on my toes.

‘I’d like to take a shower. Can you help me take the bandage off my foot?’

He nods and I sit on the edge of the bed. He gently unwraps the flesh-colored, slightly elastic compression cloth and my ankle immediately begins to throb. The area feels like it’s expanding, as if my very skin is trying to escape the pain.

I like the weird feeling of that even less than the pain itself.

‘Are you okay?’ Blake asks.

I nod a little absently, wondering if I’ll even make it to the bathroom and that’s when I see Shade in the doorway, looking impassable in every way.

I make myself look at him properly.

‘She’s supposed to be staying off her feet,’ he rumbles.

‘I need a shower,’ I say.

‘You had a bath last night.’

His voice is so much like John’s, the one he’d use when there was no changing his mind because he’d made his decision . It was the one he always used on me. My shame burns away at that tone, and anger quickly fills the void.

Is Shade really not going to allow me to decide for myself what I need after everything?

Thoughts flit through my head, spiraling quickly, fueling my sudden rage.

I’m an adult. My hair is dirty. I want to shower. I want to do what I want to do. Haven’t I earned it? I got the job in the lab. I’m doing two majors. I’m helping them with the research better than Marcus did. I’ll never earn it. I have to do what I’m told because they won’t help me. The way they’re treating me, I might as well be in The Heath!

My stupid lower lip wobbles dangerously with a myriad of emotions that rise like lava inside an erupting volcano. Everything comes up at once. I can’t unpick everything. I only know that I need to release them.

Anger. Resentment. Fear. Frustration. Sadness.

Don’t.

I’ve been doing so well. If I lose it now, all of this will have been for nothing, and they might as well call John.

‘I–I’d like to shower,’ I say, using all of my strength to force it all back.

It’s hard, almost impossible, but I succeed.

He’s watching me, waiting for one of my little temper tantrums , as John liked to call them.

I stare at him. I can do this. I can fight my corner without escalating.

‘Dude, we’re both here if she needs help,’ Blake says, miraculously coming to my rescue. ‘She’s a big girl. If she wants to take a shower...’

Shade lets out a sigh. ‘Come on.’

I take a step, leaning heavily on Blake’s arm as I grit my teeth, trying desperately to prove to Shade that he doesn’t need to micromanage my life, that I’m not a child.

But I falter because it really does hurt like hell, and I can’t make myself go any further. I grind my teeth at my body’s weakness and clench my eyes shut.

‘I don’t think I can walk there,’ I admit through my clenched jaw.

I’m still holding onto Blake, and I feel his arm tense slightly. ‘Want me to carry you?’

I nod, not opening my eyes, and I’m whisked into his arms without warning.

My eyes open on a gasp as he cradles me, and my arms instinctively go around his neck. I frown up at him, though, because he’s holding me like a baby and that’s the exact opposite of what I’m going for.

He sees my expression and smirks. ‘Not what you were thinking?’

Blake walks to the door with me. Shade bars the way. He’s saying something to Blake with his eyes, but I’m not even going to try to work it out. They can play whatever intricate little mind games they want with each other, so long as they leave me out of them.

Shade finally steps out of the way and Blake angles me carefully across the threshold, making sure my injured foot doesn’t bang on anything.

He takes me down the hall to the bathroom and puts me down gingerly, his arms lingering on me for an extra second before he lets me go and turns on the light.

He looks at the white tub and then at me. ‘Are you sure you don’t want a bath instead?’

‘I’m sure,’ I say adamantly. ‘I don’t really recall much from last night after I...got back. But I didn’t wash my hair, and I can’t remember if I even used soap or just marinated in the water.’

I let out a huff, trying to explain even as I suppress a shudder. ‘It’s like I don’t feel...clean.’

BLAKE

Her quiet words undo me more than I’d care to admit.

Those fuckers are going to pay for what they’ve done, for making her feel this way. Shade says we have to wait, basically because two of them are rich kids with connections, but I’m not on board with that plan. As soon as the perfect opportunity arises, I’m going to ruin them and I’m going to make them hurt in every way I can.

I help Daisy step into the tub and turn on the water for her. She lets out a small noise of panic and I glance up to see her keeping Shade’s robe out of the surging water with one hand and untying it with the other. Putting my hand under the faucet, I look away as I wait for it to get to temperature. She shrugs it off and balls it up, making sure it stays dry. The t-shirt under it comes next and she lets it fall to the black tiled floor.

She doesn’t seem at all bothered that she’s naked in front of me, but I don’t let my eyes go anywhere near her, even as I ask myself why I’m acting so unlike myself. Usually, I wouldn’t think twice. My eyes would be taking in that smooth skin, her ass, and her tits like I’d never seen a girl before in my life.

‘It isn’t mine,’ she says, drawing me from my thoughts. ‘It’s Shade’s.’

I can’t help the way the corners of my mouth twitch.

‘Yeah, I know,’ I reply, a little puzzled by her priorities.

I move the shirt out of the way with the side of my foot and hang the robe on the nearby hook before I turn back around and keep my eyes on the tiles while I put some fresh towels within easy reach.

‘Do you need anything else?’ I ask.

‘No, thank you,’ she replies, getting under the spray.

‘When you’re done, just turn off the water and I’ll come back to help you out, okay?’

She nods in my periphery, and I turn, leaving the bathroom quickly.

Shade’s pacing in the hall and his eyes narrow when he sees me.

‘Is she okay in there?’

I snort. ‘Do you mean, does she want or need your help? No, bro. She doesn’t. Leave her alone, huh? She needs a little space.’

I see him tense before he moves, lunging at me. I laugh, sidestepping him easily.

‘Do you really want to do this?’ I half goad because I’m pissed and more than up for a skirmish in the hallway if he is.

I’ll win. I’m better, at least right now.

But, I freeze instinctively as I feel the barrel of a gun on my forehead.

‘Do I have your attention now, Blake?’

I glance up at the familiar weapon and then at my friend. ‘My bad. I brought my fists to a gun fight.’

The grin that cuts through my face is wide.

‘Been going through my stuff?’ I mutter when he doesn’t say a word. ‘Safety’s on, FYI, if you were thinking of following through.’

Shade’s jaw tics and he removes the weapon from my forehead very slowly. I laugh, taking my nine from his grasp. He lets me have it and I stow it in the waistband of my pants.

‘What’s on your mind?’ I ask.

‘Why are you always hanging around Daisy?’

I snort. ‘Maybe she likes me hanging around.’

‘Doesn’t matter what she likes,’ Shade mutters, glancing at the bathroom door.

I sneer at him, shaking my head. ‘She was right, you know. You do sound like your dad when you talk to her. That’s the kind of shit he would say, isn’t it?’

‘It’s not the same!’ he snarls. ‘I care about her. I don’t want to see her hurt, not like she was last night, and not the way you would hurt her.’

‘Yeah,’ I say, staring into his eyes. ‘You want to be the one who does it.’

He pushes me against the wall. ‘What the fuck does that mean?’

I retaliate, shoving him harder and making him take a couple of steps back.

‘Be careful,’ I say through clenched teeth as I stalk forward.

He draws himself up, standing toe to toe with me.

‘She doesn’t like it when she’s treated like she’s stupid, Shade. Jesus, dude, you had us believing she was a few crayons short of a box. Me and Mav thought she was dumb as a rock before she started working in the lab with us. What else isn’t true? Why was she in that place, huh, that spa medical center for rich people? What did she do ten years ago?’