Page 15

DAISY

M av yells something and yanks me out of the way just as the car swerves to hit me, and I fall into the bushes on the side of the road.

I’m confused and disorientated and I feel hands grabbing me, pulling me up.

When, I’m on my feet, I see a dirty black car turn down another street in my periphery, but it’s gone before I can focus on the license plate.

‘Daisy?’

I’m breathing hard. I blink at Mav. Shade’s asking me questions. When did he get here?

‘Are you hurt?’

‘Daisy?’

‘No,’ I make myself say.

My hands are shaking.

‘What the fuck was that?’ Mav mutters.

Shade stares at Mav and their eyes lock in a meaningful exchange the way they often do, I’ve noticed. All three of the guys do it. They’re saying something to each other, but I don’t know what. I glance back and forth between them, trying so hard to glean something.

‘Drunk driver,’ Shade mutters and Mav nods immediately.

‘Must have been.’

I replay what happened in my mind. The car swerved toward me. The driver was looking my way though I couldn’t see their face.

They want me to believe it was an accident, I realize. Maybe it was. But, as I keep rolling it around in my mind, I’m not sure. Did that driver swerve to hit me specifically? I was stopped in the middle of the road, helpless as it flew toward me. Everything seemed like it was happening in slow motion, but I couldn’t move .

‘Is your ankle, okay?’

I nod, still a little dazed.

A hand cups my jaw, and my face is angled upward toward both Shade and Mav. For once I don’t pull away. I let myself be comforted. I feel comforted by their touch and it’s such an alien feeling that I lean into it. I want more.

‘Do you still want dinner?’ Mav asks.

I nod again.

Shade, still holding me, nods at Mav. ‘Go find Blake. You guys take the truck. I’ll bring her in my car.’

‘Sure.’ Mav takes one last look at me, swallows hard and turns away.

Shade takes my arm and helps me across the street. I pull away a little when we get to the other side, but I still stay closer than usual.

I watch him. I want to ask him if he really thinks what happened was an accident, because I don’t think he does, but I also don’t think he’s going to be honest with me so there’s no point.

‘Where are we going to eat?’

‘Deb’s Bar and Grill. Are you okay with that?’

‘Is that the place you took me to after I fell in the river?’

He looks away. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t think... We don’t have to go there. We can?—’

‘No, it’s okay. It’s just a place.’

He watches me for a minute. I’m not sure what he’s looking for in my face, so I don’t say anything. ‘I’ve been an asshole. I’m sorry.’

I shrug. ‘It’s?—’

‘It’s not fine. Jesus, Daisy. It’s not fine! I...’ He runs his hands through his hair, his expression tortured. ‘I fixed your allowance.’

‘Fixed it?’ I ask, not sure what he’s talking about.

‘It was two bucks a week,’ he looks away from me. ‘I did it on purpose. I wanted… I don’t know what I wanted. I’m sorry. You’d just lost your mom, but so had I. It’s not an excuse. I’m a dick, but I think I’m less of one than I would have been without April in my life.’

He’s babbling. I’ve never seen him like this.

‘You were my best friend,’ he goes on. ‘Even after you left. You still were. When I tried calling and you didn’t want to speak to me, I was so... hurt, I guess. And that made me so angry. It was like... you were the only person I could be myself with and then you were gone, and you didn’t care enough about me to even keep in touch.’

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes. That’s what he thinks?

‘It wasn’t like that at all. You were my best friend too. For days after I was left at The Heath, I waited by the windows, hoping that someone would come back for me. I heard the doctor on the phone one afternoon and I knew he was talking to your dad. So, I waited by the reception desk for hours every day for weeks in case you or my mom called, but none of you did. After a while, I was told that no one had called, and no one would be calling. They told me that my actions had consequences, and I had to understand that.’

I look down, forcing out the words I want him to hear as I step toward him and stop walking.

‘So, I tried to forget about you, about all the time we spent together. You were always really patient. And I remember you trying to stand up for me with your father. He punished you for it though. I didn’t like that. At least when I left, you couldn’t be hurt by my actions anymore. I thought about that a lot.’

His chin rests on the top of my head as he pulls me close. ‘I didn’t care about the punishments. You were worth it.’

He draws back and tips my head towards his. I let him.

‘You still are.’

His lips on mine are soft. I like the feeling. I wonder if he uses ChapStick.

I kiss him back, flicking my tongue the way Blake has shown me, and I register his surprise when he stiffens.

I cant my head at him. ‘We’re not kids anymore,’ I whisper.

He lets out a long breath. ‘That’s for damn sure.’

When he looks away from me, he seems to realize that we’re next to his car. He opens the door for me, and I slide in.

He gets in the other side.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’

‘Yes.’

‘And you’re sure you’re ok to eat at Deb’s?’

I nod, but then frown. ‘But no Novelle dinner rules, okay?’

‘No. No rules. I promise. Eat whatever you want. Drink whatever you want. Hell, you can stand on the table and do the Cha Cha if you feel like it.’

I smile wide. ‘I’m not sure I know how to even do the Cha Cha. But I’ll dance on the table if the mood takes me.’

He chuckles, but then frowns. ‘There’s something we need to talk about.’

Does he know what I’ve been up to? Does he know I’ve gone behind their backs and started working on Envy? Does he know I’m close? What my plan is?

I keep my nerve, taking a small, steadying breath. He can’t know anything. I haven’t spoken about it. I haven’t left a trail. I haven’t even worked on it on camera.

‘The Christmas Gala. The Forrest family throws it every year.’

Oh.

Okay.

‘Um. Right.’

‘I have to go. Novelle duties. But...’ He glances at me before putting his attention back on the road. ‘Would you come with me?’

I think my mouth drops open in surprise. ‘You’re asking me to go? With you?’

‘Yes.’

I blink. ‘I thought I was banned from the public eye after I fell into that table of Champagne glasses that Easter,’ I mutter.

He gasps. ‘I remember that! Oh my God! Dad was so pissed.’

I scowl. ‘Out of all the things to be banned from parties for, I can’t believe it was that. I literally tripped over a cord that someone had left on the floor. It could have happened to anyone!’

‘Come on, Marguerite. You were clumsy as fuck. You were always falling over or bumping into things! You always had bruises all over you.’

I scoff. ‘Even if that’s true. I didn’t break all those glasses on purpose. John acted like I was throwing rocks at them or something. Not my fault! And at least some of the bruises were from the other kids.’

He glances at me. ‘What?’

‘At school,’ I clarify. ‘There was a bet, or something. You know how Larson used to pick on me and make sure I got in trouble if I ever fought back.’

‘Yeah,’ he whispers.

‘Anyway, he got a lot of the other kids to hurt me when no one was looking. Poke me with pencils, push me into walls, shut my fingers in the lockers. That kind of thing. It was a game. Larson was winning, I’m pretty sure.’

‘Fuck, Daisy. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell anyone?’

I shrug. ‘I don’t know. I guess I just thought no one would care or believe me.’

‘Jesus. I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.’

His hand finds mine and he squeezes it. I let him because I think it’ll make him feel better, but the truth is I don’t feel much of anything about it. I let go of all that stuff a long time ago.

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ I say quietly. ‘And I’ll bet Andy made sure you didn’t find out.’

‘Andy was in on it?’

‘Course he was,’ I snort. ‘He was always a jerk and he and Larson were buddies, remember?’

‘That’s true,’ he mutters half to himself.

He shakes his head and swears to himself.

‘What about... Larson. What happened that day, Daisy?’

‘I killed him, Jack.’ I say the words they made me say at The Heath. ‘I killed a boy in a fit of frustration and rage because of all the things he did to me.’

Shade is silent as we drive.

‘But you know what’s weird?’ I mutter, saying the thing I never said except to John when he shook it out of me.

‘What?’ he asks.

‘I don’t remember it.’

‘What do you mean? The...killing?’

‘I mean all of it. The last thing I remember is going to gym class and they were making us run the mile. I didn’t feel like doing it. I had cross-country later that day anyway, so I didn’t see the point. I was walking around the field. Everyone else was really far ahead. That’s the last thing I recall until hours later. I must have been there. His blood was on me. I’ve tried so hard to remember, but it’s just blank.’

‘But you talked about it. You admitted it.’

‘I made it up. They left me alone in the room with the folder of the crime scene information. I looked at it. I guess the officers thought I was too retarded to read it. They’d been asking me questions for hours. They wouldn’t accept that I didn’t know anything. Your dad hadn’t gotten me a lawyer. I had no one with me except a social worker who barely said a word. So, I answered their questions. I made things up. They’d already said I’d done it. I was pretty sure I had too. I hated Mike Larson. And I wanted the questions to stop. So, I said the things they wanted to hear.’

I sit back, thinking about what I’ve just told Shade. All of it’s the truth, I just hadn’t let myself think about how it had all happened until I came back, I realize. Not once at The Heath – Stoke seemed to know what I’d told the police so there was no need to ever go through it again, bar the basic confessions in group therapy. But since my mom’s funeral, it’s been there, in my subconscious, just rolling around and around. I wish I could remember more about that day.

Shade doesn’t ask me anything else. He’s silent the rest of the way to the restaurant. When we pull up, I notice it’s not as busy as it was the day they brought me here.

I get out of Shade’s car, walking slightly behind him up the steps onto the wooden porch. The door opens and a couple of older men come out, chuckling about something. Shade holds the door for me, and I walk in. I hear a jukebox in one corner, and pool balls cracking together. The TVs are on, but they’re all muted and showing games that I guess aren’t important because only a few people sitting at the bar are watching while they sip their beers.

‘Come on,’ Shade murmurs, putting a hand in the small of my back.

I see Mav and Blake have arrived and are already sitting at a table together.

‘How did they get here so fast?’ I murmur.

Shade looks at me from the corner of his eye. ‘I went the long way. I wanted to talk.’

We approach the table. The guys having a conversation about something serious. When they see me, they so quiet immediately, and Blake rises.

‘You okay?’ He sounds so concerned.

I nod. ‘Just a couple of scratches from the bush we fell into, that’s all.’

I’m guided to a chair between them both and I’m struck by how different this is from last time as I sit down next to Shade.

When they brought me here just a few weeks ago I was so miserable and upset because of them and now, I feel the opposite, largely because of them as well. Although I suppose I should give myself some credit. I did change my major and force them to keep me around. Plus, the sex stuff.

I pick up the menu and, when the server comes, I order a burger with extra pickles and fries.

I watch them as they talk to each other, sometimes joking around and laughing, but it seems as if something is weighing on them. They keep looking at me, taking turns. It’s like they believe that if one of them isn’t watching me at all times, I’ll disappear in a puff of smoke. They seem to really care about me. I almost feel bad that I’m sort of playing them when it comes to the lab and Envy.

But I’m closer than they are. I got a glimpse of Shade’s laptop in the lab this evening and he’s getting further away.

I steel myself to the guilt I’m beginning to feel. Plan B needs to be something I can actually do, I remind myself. That means I need money. My own money, not some weekly allowance like a little kid that will stop as soon as I’m bad.

The food comes and I dig into my burger and fries, glad they brought me here because the normal food is really good.

My phone buzzes and I pick it up, assuming it’ll be Lu because it’s always Lu, but it’s not. It’s Blake.

We need to tell them.

Not yet.

I’ve started forgoing the opening and closing since no one else does that and Lu told me that’s how old people text.

What if that car was for you?

I frown at the message.

The others said it was a drunk driver.

That’s because they don’t know everything. It’s time.

Not yet.

He sighs but leaves it alone.

For the rest of the meal, we talk and laugh. Nothing bad happens and it’s nice . The guys take me back to the house afterward and we sit in Blake’s room to watch a movie.

I’m glad they’re with me after today, especially since the car might have been meant for me. Is Blake right? Is someone trying to kill me? Why? I mull it over for a long time and I know Blake is right. Although there haven’t been any more notes, the car could be considered an escalation.

I fall asleep listening to the guys talking and errantly wondering if Shade will kiss me again.

The next week goes by quickly. I don’t receive any notes, and nothing weird happens. There are no more black cars potentially trying to kill me either. Walking gets much easier and I’m able to start my shifts back at Grinder, as well.

Items of clothing have begun to appear in my room here and there in a steady trickle. Shirts and jeans, stretch pants and sweaters. All of them are soft and breathable, comfy and cottony. Everything is new, and in my size, but when I ask the guys where they’re coming from, they just smile at me and shrug, though I feel their eyes running over my body all the time.

I know it’s them though because I keep finding clothing bags in their rooms.

There’s a Dagorhir battle on Tuesday, but I only watch from the sidelines as my ankle is still weak. I notice that, while Mich is there, he doesn’t come and speak to me, which is a little weird. I haven’t even been able to thank him in person for helping me on Halloween. He hasn’t really been in Grinder either.

Afterward, Lu finds me. Her cheeks are red and she’s out of breath, but she’s grinning from ear to ear. ‘Did you see that? I almost won!’

‘I saw,’ I say, smiling back. ‘You were great! I hope I can join again soon. It’s not as much fun spectating.’

‘Guess what! Shannon, you know, my cousin. She’s got something for us. She’s going to get it to me as soon as she can.’

‘What is it?’ I ask, my skin prickling with anticipation.

‘She wouldn’t say on the phone, but she sounded excited, so fingers crossed!’

I shove my cold hands in my pockets. Maybe this’ll soon be at an end. I’ve been getting impatient that it’s taking so long, and I wish I could find out more myself, but the police report is the next step. I hope it arrives soon and tells us something real. We’ve made such little progress. But then Blake’s investigation seems to be going slowly, too. Whatever he’s trying to find in the security system diagnostics is taking forever, and I know he’s getting frustrated as well.

‘Anything else happen?’ Lu asks in a low voice.

I shake my head. ‘No more black Camaros.’

‘Good. I’ll see you at the coffee shop later?’

I give her a thumbs up and head back to the Novelle Center where I spend pretty much all my time doing my job as the assistant and keeping my little side project under wraps.

But I’m so close I can taste it. I just need something to click in my brain.

I’m supposed to meet Bennet for our partner project in Grinder in the middle of the week. I’ve spoken to him a couple of times in class and he’s actually not too bad when he’s not trying to kick me out of lecture halls.

I work a shift just before our meeting, so I’m already there when he arrives. I grab us both a latte and we sit in a corner to go through everything we’ve done separately over the past few days. While we’re working, I realize that he’s kind of funny in a pretentious sort of way. He’s fun to hang out with, and our project is progressing on schedule. I decide to see if he wants to be weekly study partners once the project is turned in at the end of November. We plan to meet up in Grinder again the following Monday.

That evening after Grinder, I’m sitting in my room working on the formula when Shade comes in.

I look up from my desk and surreptitiously hide the work I’m doing on paper so there’s no trace on the laptops. He doesn’t even look down.

‘I forgot to tell you. My father wants to see us for dinner.’

My stomach flips. Family dinner together at the Novelle house was never a cause for celebration when I lived there. John always chose foods I could barely stomach, awful smells, weird textures. And it was also where he’d lecture me on all the things I was doing wrong. At the beginning, my mom would usually move the conversation on to other things. After a couple of months, she’d clench her fists and tell John with a smile that she’d like to see him in the other room. A few more months after that, she’d just pour herself another glass of wine while avoiding my eyes and then tell me she was sorry after John was done with me.

‘When?’ I whisper.

‘Next Friday.’

I nod, realizing I have nothing to wear except the suit I arrived here in. That’ll have to do.

‘What time?’

‘Eight.’

I glance up at Shade again. ‘Why now? It’s been weeks.’

‘The Forrest’s Gala is a couple weeks after. He probably wants to make sure you don’t shatter a tower of crystal glasses again,’ he grins.

I attempt one back, but my stomach is in knots. ‘Just you and me?’

‘Maybe Andy too, if he can get back from Harvard for it.’

He says his brother’s name with a sneer. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that Andy knew about the kids hurting me in school. I don’t want to be the reason they fight.

‘Look, about what I said. The stuff that happened in school... It was over a decade ago. I don’t even think about it at all. There’s no need for you to be angry, you know.’

Shade steps closer and I stand up, moving away from the desk so his eyes don’t start wandering to it.

‘That’s not the point,’ he murmurs.

‘Then why are you...upset.’

‘I’m not,’ he mutters.

I laugh. ‘Yes, you are. Why?’

‘Because you were my best friend, and I was so wrapped up in my own shit with my father that I didn’t even see what was happening to you.’

I shake my head. ‘That isn’t your fault. You were a kid just like me. It wasn’t your responsibility any more than it was mine. It wasn’t your failure, and I never thought that.’

I reach up and touch the tip of his nose with my index finger and he frowns.

‘Did you just boop my nose?’

I nod, trying to keep a straight face.

‘I’m a grown man, not a puppy!’

I giggle and do it again, this time saying ‘boop’.

He grabs my wrist and pulls up above my head, doing the same with the other one.

‘Ha,’ he says with a confident smile. ‘What are you going to do now?’

I scowl as I wriggle around. He’s got me. I can’t get free, I realize.

My eyes narrow and I raise my knee, aiming for between his legs.

He gasps, protecting himself easily and looking shocked. ‘Well, that escalated quickly,’ he whispers. ‘I think you need to be taught a lesson.’

‘By who? You?’ I snort, goading him. ‘What can you teach me besides how to date psycho sorority girls and be late for class?’

His eyes narrow and he hauls me closer. ‘That’s not fair. I’m never late to class and the craziest ones seem so quiet and normal at first.’

I laugh. ‘You wouldn’t know normal if it bit you on the ass, Novelle!’

He smirks and gets an odd look in his eye that makes my stomach flutter. His gaze moves downward, and I realize the tank I was wearing has been pulled down, showing a lot more of my gray bra.

I struggle a little again, trying to get out of his grasp, not because I’m scared of him, but because I’m nervous.

‘Mav and Blake want to share you,’ he murmurs, his eyes not leaving the expanse of flesh I have on display. ‘What do you think of that?’

My heart beats hard inside my rib cage. It thunders in my ears, and I wonder if he can hear it, too.

‘Well,’ my tongue darts out to lick my lips and his eyes darken as they follow it, ‘that’s... I’m not sure.’

‘And what if I wanted to share you with them. The three of us. Together.’

‘Just you three?’ I ask wryly. ‘That’s all?’

‘That’s all. You’re ours, but we’d be yours, too. No one else.’

My eyes move away from his. ‘You can’t want that,’ I whisper.

‘Why not?’

I look down. ‘Because I’m... me. I’m not the type of girl who... I’m not like Laurie or the others. Even if I tried, I’d fail.’

‘None of us want you to be like them,’ he whispers in my ear. ‘We all agree you’re smart, beautiful, funny, and hot. No other girl I’ve ever met could hold a candle to you, and the guys would say the same.’

God, I wish these things were true. But why would he lie?

‘I’ve never... I don’t know a lot of things. I won’t be good at...’

He chuckles and urges me backward to my bed. He pushes me down onto it.

‘It’s true that I don’t just want kisses from you, Daisy. And all of us have more experience than you. Does that really bother you?’

His eyes move over me. ‘Or does it turn you on?’

A blush creeps up my face and he smirks darkly. ‘I fucking knew it.’

He backs off and crooks a finger at me. ‘Stand up and take it off. I want all your clothes in a pile at my feet.’

I stare up at him for a moment, not sure if I can do what he’s asking, whether I want to or not.

I want to.

I pull myself up, standing shakily in front of him. I can’t even look at him as I peel my top over my head and shimmy out of my jeans. I’m standing in front of him in just my old bra and worn underwear.

‘The rest. Can you do that for me?’

With shaking hands, I unclasp my bra and let it fall to the ground, but before I can shuck my underwear, he steps close, his clothed body flush against my mostly naked one.

The thrill that shoots through me takes my breath away.

Why do I like this? How does he know that I do?

‘Look at me,’ he murmurs.

I shake my head. ‘I can’t. It’s too...much.’

‘Do you want to keep going?’

‘Yes!’ I nod emphatically.

He lets out a laugh I think he was trying to keep inside. ‘Okay. What happens if you don’t want to keep going?’

‘Blake said to use red or yellow or tap you if I can’t talk.’

‘Blake, huh? What have you and Blake done?’

‘I... Uh...’

Shade’s hand moves up my thigh slowly, making little circles with his fingers lightly.

‘Step apart, Daisy.’

I do it, widening my stance a little and gasping when I feel his fingers touch me on the outside of my underwear. He glides them over the material up and down my slit, making my heart beat even faster.

‘What have you and Blake done?’ he asks again.

‘He...k-kissed me a f-few times,’ I stammer out. ‘A-and touched m-me. Licked my …um…’

‘That’s it? Really?’

I give him a wry look. ‘That’s a lot for me.’

He lets out a low hum. ‘I just mean, that’s not like Blake.’

‘He said he wants us to get to know each other.’

Shade takes his phone out and taps the screen. I wonder what he’s doing until I hear my door open. I look back to see both Blake and Mav there.

Shade beckons them.

‘Don’t be shy.’

He turns me to face them, standing behind me with his fingers in my hair and his arm around my middle, holding me for them.

‘What’s going on?’ Mav asks, swallowing hard.

‘I’m just helping you all get to know each other,’ he says.

‘Obviously Daisy and I have some years on you. So, here’s what’s going to happen. You two are going to do what I say and, when my pretty little stepsister is ready for me, you’re going to watch me fuck her.’

I feel a little lightheaded at Shade’s words and I’m sort of glad he’s basically holding me upright.

‘Daisy,’ he murmurs in my ear. ‘If you don’t want this, or you want us to stop at any time, or you don’t like something we do, you just use your safe word, or you tap one of us. Understand?’

‘Yes,’ I whisper.

‘Get on the bed.’