Page 23

‘Oh, right,’ I say, suddenly wanting to cry. ‘Well, I’m not really sure to be honest. Anyway, I should be at the next battle. I just sprained my ankle so I couldn’t really fight. I’m actually here to see Lu. I just wanted to thank you for that night. You were really kind when you didn’t have to be.’

He shrugs. ‘I’m sorry about Travis. I didn’t know he’d called the cops. I promise I had no idea.’

‘It’s okay,’ I murmur.

‘He’s gone now,’ Mich says, looking behind him and I see that half his room is bare.

‘Gone? What happened?’

I don’t know if I’m supposed to know, or if Mich is aware of who made sure Travis was expelled from Richmond, so I pretend I have no clue.

‘They found drugs. A lot of them,’ Mich answers with wide eyes. ‘I had no clue he was into all that stuff. I’m just glad he didn’t plant anything on my side of the room, or I’d be gone too. Anyway, last I heard he’s being charged.’

‘Wow. That’s nuts. I’m sorry,’ I murmur, knowing that’s what I’m supposed to say.

He shrugs. ‘That asshole deserved it and it's kind of nice being on my own in this room. They haven't given me anyone new yet, so...’ He trails off and looks at me expectantly.

I stare back with a bit of an awkward smile, not sure what that look means.

‘Do you want to grab a coffee, or something. With me?’

Doesn’t he know about Grinder’s leak?

‘Oh, I think the café’s still closed,’ I murmur. ‘Because of the flooding...’

He looks confused for a second and then laughs a little. ‘Oh, right. Sure.’

He doesn’t say anything else and I’m painfully sure I’ve missed something. Maybe he really misses Grinder. He was in there a lot talking to Lu when I was on shift.

‘Okay, well I have to go see Lu,’ I say. ‘Thanks again.’

I hurry away without waiting for a reply and am relieved when I hear the door close quietly behind me.

Frowning a little, I knock on Lu’s door, and she answers it with a squeal.

‘Hey! What are you doing here? I thought you were busy with smart girl lab stuff today.’

She lets me in, and I give her a wan smile. ‘Yeah, something like that.’

‘I was just about to message you, actually.’

‘Oh, yeah?’ I ask, sitting on her bed and getting comfy.

‘First, are you okay after, you know, the visit . I know you were upset, and I wanted to give you some space to process, but not too much space…’

I nod. ‘Yeah, I’m okay. I’ll be okay.’

She takes my hand and gives it a squeeze.

‘There was something else, too. You remember the cop who wrote the first accident report? The one who moved away?’

‘Yeah, you found him?’

‘Yep. Saint Benedict’s Cemetery in Granville, about an hour north.’

‘He’s dead?’

‘Yup.’ Lu shrugs. ‘About a month ago. Fishing. They found his boat drifting and scooped him out of the river a couple days later. The news story said he hit his head and drowned.’

I sit back. ‘That seems a bit too much of a coincidence.’

‘I agree.’

Lu sits down. ‘I keep thinking this all has something to do with the notes. Like, could they be from your stepfather?’

‘I don’t think so. They’re not really…him. You know? He has a voice , and the notes aren’t in that voice at all. I got another one yesterday. It was delivered to the house. Said I was finally getting somewhere and intimated that he can see me through the cameras still.’

‘Fuck.’ My friend stands up and walks around the room, pursing her lips. ‘I think you need to tell the others.’

‘I did yesterday.’

‘Good. I feel like this is getting bigger and nastier. People are being killed over this. We need to go Colombo and figure out why.’

‘Oh! I know that one! He was a TV detective, right?’

She points at me and makes a clicking noise.

My phone buzzes, and I see a message from Shade asking me to meet him and the others. That was fast.

‘I need to go,’ I say, hoping they’re over it and care about me again.

I don’t want to be cut off from them. Though, I probably should have thought about that before my little stunt.

Lu smiles. ‘Be careful, huh? Keep me in the loop. Grinder should be open in a couple days. We’re just waiting for everything to dry out. I want you back so don’t get dead.’

‘Promise,’ I say, resolving to tell her everything soon.

I leave the dorm, walking back across the Quad and down towards the Novelle Center to where the Greek houses start.

When I get to the KIP house, I go inside, and for once, everything is pretty quiet. There are no guys lurking in the kitchen or anything like that.

I go upstairs and into my room with a deep breath, shutting the door and leaning against it with my eyes closed. I drop my bag to the floor with a thud.

‘There you are.’

I gasp.

All three of them are in my room.

Shade stands up and comes over. He looks down at me.

‘How long have you been working on this?’

‘A few weeks. Since I realized it was wrong,’ I say, glancing at Mav. ‘I noticed the simulations you were running.’

‘Why?’ Shade asks. ‘Why bother?’

‘Why?’ I snarl, pushing myself off my wall and making him take a wary step back.

‘You were there when they wouldn’t talk to me about my own body. They won’t even prescribe me medicine until your dad gives them permission. My whole life is like that. The autonomy I have is false. It can be snatched back on John Novelle’s whim.’

I pace the room.

‘I have no money. I'm not in control of my finances. I barely have a job. I had to go behind your father's back to get put in a major that I could actually do , since he just decided for me. I'm not listened to. I'm ignored. Every file on me at this university says I'm mentally challenged, or something, and tells them to call ‘my guardian’ over the tiniest things,’ I say, close to tears. ‘At any moment, he could have me carted back across the sea. I don't want a guardian; I don’t need one.’

I look up at them, my eyes swimming, and I tell them the truth.

‘I want to be able to leave if I need to leave. This isn't what I want my life to be. I want in because I don't see any other way. I'll help you make Envy, and it will work, but I want my share of the money it makes, and when I graduate, I’ll either fight your father in court to be free of his guardianship, or I'll disappear. But both of those things take money.’

Shade regards me impassively.

‘Will you give us a minute?’ he asks Mav and Blake.

Neither of them say anything else. They leave, not looking at me.

A big part of me wants to follow them, tell them they can have the formula. Tell them I’m sorry for going behind their backs, for the threat of telling John Novelle what they’ve been up to.

But I can’t. If my life has taught me anything, it’s that no one can really be trusted however much I wish that wasn’t the case.

I’m on my own and, in the end, I always will be.

‘Those notes. Were they a diversion tactic?’

I snort. ‘Do you mean, did I make them up? Send them to myself?’

I stand in front of him. ‘If I did, wouldn’t I have told you about them? Or made sure you found out about them?’

‘Well, I?—’

‘Don’t be an idiot, Jack.’ I roll my eyes. ‘I didn’t write them.’

He steps back. ‘I didn’t really think you had. Do you believe what they say? That April was murdered?’

I look at him. ‘I wasn’t sure. I thought they were a joke at first. I thought… I thought it might be you…being cruel.’

He closes his eyes for a second. ‘It wasn’t.’

‘I know that now. You cared about her. She was your mom, too. More yours than mine, I suppose. In the end.’

‘She loved you,’ he begins, but I put my hand up to stop him.

‘That doesn’t matter now. The creepy stalker is trying to make me dig into her death and the more I find, the more I’m convinced he’s right. Maybe he even did it and this is just some twisted after game .’

I go into my drawer and get the police reports out, handing them to him. With a frown, he opens them and looks through the pages.

‘I don’t understand.’

‘The first one is the original that was typed up by the officer who was first on the scene. It was supposed to have been destroyed, but Lu’s cousin got to it first. The second is the one that’s public record, the one they changed it to. The officer who wrote the original is dead. Drowned while fishing. An accident.’

Shade lets out a breath. ‘An accident?’

‘Apparently.’ I sit on my bed. ‘Lu and I went to the site of the crash.’

‘So, I gathered from that note,’ Shade murmurs, sinking down beside me. ‘Are you… How was it?’

‘Weird,’ I say honestly. ‘Have you been there?’

He shakes his head. ‘I can’t bring myself to, you know?’

I nod. ‘Yeah. It was like she was there. I didn’t feel like that at the cemetery.’

‘Me neither.’ Shade whispers, his hand finding mine.

‘If you want, I’ll go there with you. If… If you wanted to, I mean,’ I say quietly.

He gives a small nod and I look at the folder. He hasn’t seen everything yet.

‘There’s something else,’ I say carefully. ‘A photo in the first report of a shoeprint they took a cast of.’

Frowning, he rifles through the folder and finds it.

‘The pattern matches those fancy shoes your dad gets imported from Italy. He was there that night, Jack.’

The incredulity in his face makes me wince.

‘He couldn’t have been there. He said some work stuff came up and he got his driver to pick him up early. How could you know that? C’mon, Daisy. A tread of a shoe? My father is a lot of things but?—’

‘It’s distinctive, Jack, and I’m good at remembering patterns,’ I interrupt quietly. ‘I’m sure it’s the same, but I understand if you need more to prove that your dad might have been involved.’

‘I do,’ he says. ‘It’s not that I don’t trust you, but April was… I can’t believe he’d do it.’

I nod. ‘I’ll find more, then.’

He regards me for a few seconds, his expression troubled. ‘ We’ll find more. We’ll get to the bottom of it and we will get justice for April. Even if it was him.’

That’s the best I’m going to get at the moment, I realize. At least he didn’t discount it outright, and it seems as if Lu and I aren’t alone in this anymore. That’s something.

‘I’m still mad at you,’ he says suddenly, letting out a breath. ‘But only because you didn’t say anything about the notes, or about the work you were doing. I understand why you kept us in the dark.’

He stands up. ‘I’ll let you know our answer tomorrow.’

‘Fine, but you should know that I’m not the weak link you think I am,’ I draw myself up. ‘Far from it.’

SHADE

Today's the day.

After the revelations from Daisy, the guys decided to spend the evening at the club. Daisy and I did some studying, talked some more, and grabbed some dinner.

I stayed in her bed all night. All she wanted to do was sleep, which was fine with me, though I was sure I wouldn’t get any shut-eye, but I was wrong. I slept like a fucking baby next to her, and even though my brain is telling me that Daisy isn’t ready for the truth about what we get up to, and that we need to be very fucking careful, a part of me is more than a little relieved that we potentially have a working formula for Envy now.

Daisy figured it out. She’s brilliant. Even if she is hanging it over our heads. If I'm honest with myself, I can’t blame her. I see how she's treated as soon as anyone realizes she's different, and I know how much of that is my father’s fault. He's put that albatross around her neck for everyone with any power over her to see. He wants them to see it. I just don’t understand why. This is more than his usual games. Getting Marcus to mess with her behind our backs, the way he set her up here to fail. There’s something else going on.

The footprint on that report niggles at me. Could Daisy be right? Was my father there that night? Why lie about it if he’s not involved? Did he kill April?

Blake mentioned to me last night that he thinks John is planning something, and I agree. Dinner at his house... That's not for shits and gigs, and it’s no dress rehearsal for the Christmas Gala in a couple weeks either. But while I’m there, I could take a look at the shoes in his closet and see if I can find the ones Daisy was talking about.

I put my face in my hands and rub my eyes. Nothing with my dad is ever as it seems, and there's always a bigger picture. The fact that he wanted me to bring Daisy says that she's a part of it. Is he trying for an excuse to send her back to the clinic? Would he even need one? Despite the fact that we need her to make Envy for us, at least for now, would it be a bad thing for her to be away from here before she’s in any deeper? Before she realizes what we are?

I don't want her to go. Over the past few weeks, she's burrowed her way back into my heart, a heart that I thought was closed, especially to her. But she’s always had that power over me.

I go into my closet, and I get the dress out for her. It's dark green crushed velvet. Long and fitted. I bought it especially for tonight, half because I know my dad will expect it, and half because I know she'll look fucking amazing in it. The shoes are light gold, and I wonder if she has any jewelry she can wear that will match. I didn’t think to get her anything. I should have.

I take it out of my closet, still wrapped in plastic, and I go across the hallway to her room. I heard her leave this morning. I'm guessing she's gone to the lab since it’s where she usually is when she isn’t working. I think she likes it in there. It’s quiet and everything’s always the same.

I wonder if I should look at the cameras in the lab and see if she tries making a prototype of Envy. If she does, we won't need her anymore. We could beat her at her own game a little bit, put her in her place.

I wince at my thoughts. That's my father talking. I don't want Daisy put in her place. I just wish I could trust her. The truth is, I was kind of proud yesterday when she stood up to us, when she threatened us with John Novelle. She's come a long way from the meek girl who was at April’s funeral. It's only been two months, and yet she's grown so much. She knows what she wants, and I understand it, but I didn't want her anywhere near all this shit, especially with Sauvage.

He's dangerous and unpredictable, and she's going to see sides to us she didn't know existed. She's going to see a side to Richmond she didn't know existed.

What I do need to find out, though, is what exactly she wants. Half of the money, or her fair share, and if it’s the latter, what does she consider her fair share? She came up with the formula, but Mav would have been able to, given more time. At least, I think he could have. But then, that’s a moot point. We’re out of time and without her the nooses would be tightening. That counts for a lot. It counts for a stake in Envy.

I drape the dress over her chair and leave quickly. I need to make sure that my stuff is ready too, that my shoes are polished, and my suit is pressed. Nothing but perfection for dear old dad’s sharp eyes.

I take a shower and get ready for the day. Mav and Blake aren't around, but I hear dull thuds coming from the other side of the house, so I'm guessing Mav is working out his frustrations in the gym.

As for Blake, well, I heard his phone go late last night, and he left soon after, so I'm guessing he was called to clean up a mess.

My suspicions are confirmed when on the way out of the house, he's returning looking tired and dirty. I don't ask, and he doesn't tell. We pass each other, and I give him a commiserating look, which he ignores.

I leave the house, and I go to the lab to find Daisy. She’s working, just as I thought, and when she doesn't notice me at first, I take some time to watch her. I’m not trying to glean any secrets. I'm just...thinking.

I remember that day after they found Larson vividly. The blankness in her eyes, the way the cops took her away. My father wasn’t angry. For once, he seemed subdued, as if he’d known she’d crack and end up in jail or juvie. April, though, was beside herself with worry and kept trying to say she couldn’t have done it. But my father made her see that Daisy was broken, that she needed to go somewhere they could help her. I hated that after my dad’s argument April agreed with him, but I understood. My best friend had killed someone. She couldn’t stay.

When she does notice me, she stiffens, her eyes moving around quickly. She's uncomfortable, and a part of me is glad she is because of the shit she pulled yesterday. She deserves it just a little and I wasn’t joking before. I’m going to punish her for it, and I’ll enjoy it.

‘The answer is yes,’ I say without preamble.

‘Yes?’ she asks, eyes widening. ‘And the others agree, too?’

I nod.

‘Don’t act surprised,’ I get close to her, and I touch her face.

‘You knew it would be yes,’ I whisper so that nothing can be picked up on the cameras. ‘We can't have John knowing a thing.’

She nods. ‘And I can't have him knowing a thing about what I'm doing, either. So, it looks like we're in the same boat. We keep each other's confidences.’

‘Yeah,’ I say, ‘but no more secrets, huh? We’ll tell you ours, and you tell us yours. Things will be getting more dangerous now. We need to work together. On Envy and finding out what happened to April.’

‘I agree.’

She holds out her hand, pinky out, and I can't help my small chuckle.

‘A pinky promise?’

She looks up at me, innocently serious. ‘They're the most serious kind, aren't they?’

‘Yeah.’ I wrap my little finger around hers and shake it.

‘John knows nothing,’ I reiterate, and she nods solemnly.

‘For what it's worth,’ she says quietly, ‘I'm sorry. I didn't want to do it. But I'm scared, Jack. I’m...’ she looks down, ‘One foot wrong. That’s all it takes, and I'm gone. It's like walking on eggshells, knowing that at the end of the path there's a cliff, and no matter what, I’m going to fall down it unless I get myself off it.’

I put my hand on her shoulder and squeeze it gently. I don't like seeing her like this. I don't like knowing that she's so upset. I don't like that she's scared all the time because of my father.

‘There's things that... If we go on with this and you still want in, I mean... There's things that you're going to learn, and you're going to need to keep your mouth shut.’

‘I understand,’ she says.

‘No, you don't, but you will. You're going to need to be able to hold your own. The people that we deal with... If they sense weakness...’

She glances at me and her lip quirks upwards. ‘So, basically, a world of John Novelles, then?’

I chuckle, almost in spite of myself. ‘I guess so.’

She nods thoughtfully. ‘I'll do what I have to do. I told you. I don't want your father to decide my life.’

She’s quiet for a moment before she looks up at me. ‘Are the others very angry with me?’

‘No, not really. I think they want to be, but they can’t quite get there. They’re sort of just excited to start making it.’

‘Not here, right?’ she asks, clearly a bit scandalized that we might try to create our drug under the very noses of the administration.

I chuckle. ‘No, we have a space all ready to go. I’ll take you there soon but, Marguerite…’

She tilts her head at me.

‘This isn’t a game. The truth is it’s serious as fuck. You can’t tell anyone anything, not even Lu.’

I don't tell her any of the specifics, about the time constraints or Sauvage. I don't want her to know how close our necks are to the cutting block. The truth is, next month me and my friends might be hanging under a local bridge somewhere without her.

She’s solemn as she nods. ‘I get it.’

‘Are you ready for tonight?’

She looks down at her shirt and jeans like I’m nuts. ‘No. Of course not.’

I roll my eyes. ‘I mean mentally, Daisy. Are you prepared for him and his bullshit?’

‘I, uh...’ She looks back down at her figures.

It’s not the formula itself, but she doesn't even try to hide them from me, and from what I can see, the numbers do look very promising.

‘I don't think that anyone can truly be prepared for John Novelle,’ she murmurs. ‘It's best not to think about it. Otherwise, I'll get myself into a state, and he always knows when I'm in a state. He could always tell when I was close to an outburst, couldn’t he? Knew what buttons to push and when?’

‘I remember,’ I say quietly. ‘I miss her.’

‘Me too, though, I suppose in a different way, since I didn't have her for so long. I was jealous at the beginning,’ she admits. ‘But now that we're friends again, I'm glad you had her, and I'm glad that she had you. I'll bet you guys had some fun together, huh?’

I smile a little. ‘Yeah,’ I say quietly, ‘we had some fun together. She was a good mom.’

Daisy turns away, and I know she's hiding her wince.

‘I don't know why she never visited you,’ I say. ‘I don't know why she never called.’

She shrugs. ‘It doesn't matter now. It's over.’

Why don’t I believe her?

‘On the way to my dad's tonight,’ I say, changing the subject, ‘we'll talk in the car more about Envy and what happens next.’

She nods absently and I know she's back in the zone with her data.

I leave the lab a lot happier than when I went in. Maybe everything's going to be okay. I get to my class and find it canceled, which opens up my day, so I go back to the house, throw on some sweats, and go to the other side of the house.

I find the gloves and start punching the bag hanging from the ceiling.

Mav is sitting in the corner, drinking a water. He looks like he's been at it for hours. Knowing him, he probably has been.

‘Did you talk to her?’ he asks.

I nod. I keep hitting the bag as hard as I can.

‘I talked to her.’

‘What did you say?’

I eye him. ‘I said yes. What else could I say?’